Why does “come here” bother me so much?

you need to talk to your partner and go to counseling forthwith.
- As a counselor, there's very clearly some serious internalizing going on.
  OP, you might want to start asking yourself questions like, "Why does it REALLY bother me so much?" No offense, seriously not attacking, but your post raises some concerning flags. Counselling may be a good recommendation, because it seems there's more going on here than is being told.
  
  As a counselor, of course YOU'LL recommend counseling. Which in this case is maybe a good idea, but also, it's totally normal for spouses to have pet peeves with one another and it doesn't necessarily indicate an issue in the relationship.
  Source: married for 25 years
  
  This... doesn't sound like something a counsellor would say.
  
  I think it bothers me on a couple levels. 1- I feel he keeps me in unnecessary suspense and that’s unpleasant. 2- he participates in a lot of behaviours that are self satisfying. If I’m out he will call and ask what time I’ll be home and a thousand other questions no one else would ever ask, just because he was wondering, and he wanted those wonderings satisfied. It can’t wait until I get home, it must be the second he wonders about it. 3-he thinks I have the answers to all questions, and if I don’t know he expects I’ll be the one to find the answer instead of just googling it like a normal person.
  I’m annoyed because it’s constant and habitual and anything that repeats that you find mildly annoying 5x a day for 15 years will inevitably become infuriating instead. Imagine if someone just poked you in the side 5x a day for 15 years. It doesn’t hurt. Doesn’t really affect your day. It’s just annoying and pointless. But after a while you’ll just snap and scream “why the fuck are you poking me ! Stop touching me!”
  It’s like that.
  
  Come on, it's obvious why it bothers them so much. As it should, that's extremely annoying. If the partner wants to show something, they can come over to you, not call you.
- Not OP here, what do I do if this is my mother?
  
  Talk to your mother and go to counseling, or don't talk to your mother and go to counseling
  
  LOL wish I knew, because my mom makes this look silly. it would take three novels to explain. I went down to visit recently, and my sister and aunt were there, bless them, lovely people. Best advice I got is look out for those you care about. If you're the only one left, then focus on you.
  
  Had the same problem with my mum and she did not take my complaints serious in the slightest. Especially with the pandemic, she got so used to just calling me whenever.
  I'm not fully convinced this couldn't be solved in a less nuclear way, especially if you don't have my mum, but I ended up resolving that issue, along with many others, by moving out.
  
  Depends roughly on how old you are. Take these age ranges with a grain of salt, but:
  If you're young, as in college age or younger, and still living under her roof, pick your battles but chances are excellent you'll get up at least some of the time just to preserve the free or discounted rent situation.
  If you're between college age and retirement age, you'll either work it out with her as a mostly-equal adult OR you'll go fully passive-aggressive, sit-on-my-ass, you-come-to-me -- until you move the fuck out. (Why are you still there, anyway? Setbacks are one thing, but if it looks like a forever thing, take a moment and reconsider your life choices.)
  If you're over retirement age, you'll hop up like Almighty God herself was calling you, because now your mom is very old and very frail and very forgetful, and you REALLY don't want to have the cops calling you because they just found her wandering around the intersection in front of the Walmart a couple miles down the road, so you hop off your ass NOW if you even think you hear her call out.
  
  Talk to them and go to counselling if it can't be solved with a chat
  
  Then you should divorce immediately

"Hey hubby, I'm not sure why, but when you say "Hey come here" to me, I feel really stressed as I'm walking to you not knowing whether it's a good 'come here' or a bad 'come here'. Can we workshop a way to communicate that doesn't feel so stressful to me? Could you say something like "hey, babe, something is happening wherever/whatever, come see this."?"
Tell him what you are feeling until he understands and wants to help you feel less stressed. Another option is to ask while you are walking, something simple like "good or bad?"
- This is good. I’m going to try this.
  
  I hope it helps!
- Over dinner with friends, they were sharing their own "communication pacts". My one friend said they had a "No gaslighting" rule where if something even sounds like a potential gaslight, they call it out and squash it.
  My wife and I have a few rules. A "No surprises" rule would resolve this issue. "Come here" is vague, which can be surprising. I'd enforce that rule.
  We review these couple rules every year or two. Been married for 15 years.

I think I get it, and maybe I'm wrong but it could be that you find it annoying because you don't know how to set up boundaries.
Basically if someone tells me to come here without telling me what's all about, and I don't want to go all the way there- I don't go. I just yell back at them, "what is it?" Until they tell me. If they don't, I don't go. If they insist, I can explain I'm either busy or don't feel like moving my lazy arse for something I don't know what is it about.
- It took me a while to realize how fundamentally important boundaries were to my mental health and well being. It's super simple, so its often overlooked. It solves many many issues.
  
  This is a good point. I try to set boundaries and unfortunately he’s committed to the “big reveal”. I know he’s one of those people who likes to “share” life. If he sees something fascinating, he wants me to experience the same fascination so it’s like a surprise. If it’s bad he wants me to feel the same horror he felt when he saw it. Warning me would negate the reveal. We have talked about it frequently and he doesn’t know why he does it, he understands how it could be stressful for me, but can’t seem to break his pattern.
- When I was growing up, my mom would do this all the time. My approach was mostly the same, she would shout, “Come here!” and I would request a reason. Most of the time she said she needed help and it would turn out to be nothing.
  As I got older, I realized she was actually trying to connect with me because I was distancing myself. I don’t know if this is also what’s going on with OP and partner, and I won’t assume that’s the case. Sometimes people don’t know how to properly vocalize when they’re lonely and want to spend time with you.
- This. Learn to set boundaries for something that stresses you out
- Yupp fully on board with this one - set solid boundaries

"Hey, [husband], it really bothers me when you just say come here, because it makes me feel X and Y. Can you not do this anymore please? Instead, if you want to show me something say something like Z."
People are not mind readers. Talk to eachother.
- Communication can solve SO many problems in relationships. It's critical.

Because, unless it is an emergency, the "come here" person expects you to drop whatever you are doing and immediately switch your attention to what they are doing. If it is only "come here" then they provide, like you say, no information as to how important it is or if you even care about it. They may not intend it but it feels like a lack of respect that their time is more important than yours.
- As someone who's been dealing with OPs exact scenario with a family member for 20+ years, I can 100% say that this is the only correct answer.
  What started 10 years ago with me asking nicely to drop that habit because it feels like a disrespect of my time, has over the years turned into major conflicts. I can get behind somebody calling me with a simple "come here" to get my attention, but as soon as I ask "what for?" and they go out of their way to make the reason a secret by repeating "just come here" over and over, it's stops being a bad habit and quickly turns into straight up malice. Especially after being repeatedly told that it's something that I value for them not to do.
  I've adjusted my behavior far more for people that I like a lot less, just to adhere to their comfort. If a coworker asks me not to stack boxes too high because she has trouble reaching them, I will. Even though their respect or friendship means a lot less to me than a family members or friends, I will go through this minor trouble because it's just common courtesy.
  \ But for some reason, the request of giving one sentence of context for a call down two flights of stairs from a loved one, is impossible to fulfill.
  Since my situation has been going on for so long, I've naturally started looking into this behavioral issue and sought out other people experiences with similar things.
  \ Simply put, it's a form of narcissism.
  \ I've started noticing other typical narcissistic patterns with that person too. Like for example on multiple occasions I've been busy with something else in another room and hear somebody dropping and breaking a plate, suddenly this person rushes to me and asks me why I made them drop the plate, because their brain is incapabile to recognize their own wrong doing. This isn't even the most extreme example, just the most common one.
  In short, if this is something that has been going on for a long time and your requests have been ignored, that person has most likely a mental condition. This is not normal adult behavior. If you're tethered to this person you can read up on how to deal with them or ask some experts. But just know, that getting them to change is fighting for a lost cause.

You're not alone. My wife does this all the time, usually by text, which is even more annoying since we're always within earshot of each other.
I think it bothers you (and me) because it's akin to someone ringing a bell for their servant. It doesn't value your time at all to simply call you over with no context.
Once in a while? Fine. Always? That's just being disrespectful.
I've simply resorted to "what is it?", "I'm busy right now" or "I'll come later", and that usually ends up with a "never mind", so I know it was never something important enough to stop what I was doing.
- If your wife is using text instead of talking to you, I would consider that a sign of respect. At least this is why I text people I could just as easily talk to.
  Texting is inherently asynchronous. Your wife is telling you, “This isn’t urgent. Read it whenever you get the chance.” If you’re in the middle of something, texting is less obtrusive than if they just started talking with you out of nowhere.
  This is just my personal interpretation. Only you can decide if it makes sense in the context of your relationship.
  
  If your wife is using text instead of talking to you, I would consider that a sign of respect.
  Nah, she's just super lazy. LOL
  She knows I'll be working, but I have to "come here" because "Can you bring up my water?"... literally just ask me to bring up water and save me two trips and 15 minutes to get back into what I was doing!
  It's a habit that needs to be deprogrammed.
  
  For someone outside your home, I would agree with this. But for someone in the house, especially within earshot, I feel it's the exact opposite. Just talk to me, use your words, and tell me what you want.

I'm going to guess that it doesn't occur to him that when someone demands your attention like that, you imagine the worst. It might help him to know that.
I'm like you in that regard. I got used to asking back "Is there a problem?" That seemed to help me feel less stress sooner.
Maybe the combination of these two things would help.
Good luck.
- Solid advice

Imagine not talking to your partner about this and instead posting online
- It's called nostupidquestions for a reason, my friend and judgment like yours prevents other people's growth, however late that maybe.
- Imagine coming online to ask people if a thing is normal or not and getting shit on instead

No, that's annoying. If he's a reasonable sort he'd be willing to recognize that too. However, fixing this kind of simple, ingrained-from-childhood habit is a pretty epic amount of effort, and I can all but guarantee he's mentally weighing whether the effort (probably weeks to months of it) will be overall less annoying than whatever the bad habit is costing you.
Also worthy of note that he's probably going to severely underestimate how much it actually does cost you, because it's not necessarily strictly logical, it's a conditioned response that built up over time.
Worth having a serious chat about imo.
- We have talked about it a lot. He recognizes it’s a weird behaviour but he can’t break the habit, so the childhood thought tracks. And I also think you’re right about the effort bit. He’s lazy by nature. If something needs doing and he doesn’t know how, he just shrugs and says “I don’t know how”. But when you’re a couple, and something needs to be done, anything shrugged off by #1 becomes the responsibility of #2. Which means instead of him having to learn it, I have to. Just google it dude. Watch a youtube video, like I’m going to when you wash your hands of it. It’s easier for me to learn something new than it is for him to learn something new which is bollocks. The only reason it’s easier is because it’s not his effort. Somehow in his mind learning something new is too hard on his part, but takes zero effort on mine. Like, what?
  
  To be fair, they don't really cover bad habit-breaking in high school. College either sometimes, depending on course of study. They probably do in the military, but most people don't enlist.
  The information is out there though, perhaps you could find him a useful reference material that isn't too long and covers a basic, evidence-based technique.
  
  Ah, a bit of the ol' weaponized incompetence.

So I'm your husband and my wife is you. I can tell you the reason I do it is that it can be difficult for me to necessarily formulate exactly what I want to say about what I want to show you. I want to share whatever experience it is, but trying to explain exactly why stresses me out.
On the flip side my wife will just tell me what she saw after the fact and I'm left there thinking "...why didn't you tell me to come look."
- My problem is with ADHD. Sometimes, I can explain perfectly.
  Other times, the words are there, but the brain is processing too much; too fast. So 'come here' or 'look at this' is the best I can muster.
  I know the words and phrases to describe it, but it's clogged up. So my brain reverts to: Why many word?
  Sounds like the only solution is to go slow the other person what your talking about, if able.
- I sorry, in what world should
  \ "Hey, come look, theres a funny picture I want to show you.",
  \ "I'm going to need your help in the garden for the next 2 hours.",
  \ "I think the sink is clogged, the water doesn't go down."
  \ be communicated in the same way, by saying "come here"?
  Lacking communication skills are absolutely no excuse. If you can't exite someone and still give them information then work on your delivery, watch some stand up or read novels, there are enough examples how to build tension with plain sight. Communication is the most important aspect in life, and you can't improve yourself for your loved one, getoutahere.

This is a pet peeve of mine as well.
Long ago I noticed that on Star Trek, nobody wanted to tell the captain what was going on over the comms, they wanted the captain to stop what they were doing and go to a different part of the ship / station. I always eyerolled at the absurdity of the staff having so little respect for the captain’s time.
Then it started happening to me. I’m not a captain, my time isn’t that important, but have a little respect for what I’m currently engaged in? maybe?
- Realizing we're talking about an imaginary world here, but in some cases probably appropriate not to discuss sensitive matters when you don't know who is within earshot of the communicator
  
  Not only that but also some things require a demonstration and discussion. Why tie up bride wide comms for 30 mins while explaining something. Come here captain so we can discuss

Wanting your best friend to experience something like you did for the very first time is the sole reason he's doing this. Sure, it can be annoying, but at least it's coming from a place of love and a hope for a common connection. He's not trying to inconvenience you, though he may be.
- And it could be easily communicated with intent to share an experience just as much to explain what they saw. Laziness to communicate one thing doesn’t explain laziness to communicate another.
- One thing about benign intent - it does not always matter.
  One of the things about the female experience is that there are a lot higher instances of people treating you like a child or a dog. The more you are subjected to a disrespect the shorter your fuse between the incident and the emotional response. OP has stated that this is not her first time broaching the issue with her husband. Moreover women are constantly conditioned to ignore their own feelings because people's actions "aren't coming from a bad place" and told to "consider the feelings of the other party." Less often are they given space to just lay out the unvarnished reasons being what they think about something and request solidarity and understanding without the moral filter of "well that's not very nice!" applied.
  The question was not "Why is he doing that? " the original question here was "why does this bother me?/ Am I alone in feeling this way about this thing? "What is actually being requested is a sounding board for her feelings, not a defense of the husband's intent.
  If she thought it came from a bad place she likely would not be trying to rationalize her own feelings to help meter her response or be trying to explain her needs more accurately.
  
  Not sure why you’re getting downvoted here. This is accurate with every word.

Start putting limits. "No, I'm not going until you tell me what's about." Ignore any immediately subsequent invocation. Actions speak.
- This. He can say "come here" all he likes. Doesn't mean OP gets up and goes. That's called "choice".
  Even saying "Not now, busy!" occasionally puts OP back in control.

Sounds like you should take this up to him, and ask him yourself, having communication is really important, and remember, you could be doing something that also annoys him and he doesn't say anything

My gf used to do that and I found it super annoying. Seems obvious why - do I want to get up over and over again and walk into the other room? No. I might be busy doing something, also. Sometimes the things she’d want me to see were very trivial, too. So it can be inconsiderate. I explained I found it annoying and had to start saying “no”.
She also does a similar thing verbally, like she’ll say my name from 2-3 rooms away. I’ve asked her to rather than say my name and make me yell across the house, please just say whatever it is, or even better, SHE can get up and tell me. To make it more annoying, sometimes she says my name, i respond, then she doesn’t say anything. Again, it’s inconsiderate. I don’t want to be required to shout “YES??”. I’ve asked her repeatedly to please not do it and she still does this.
Since she won’t stop and I’ve told her countless times that I don’t like it, I started responding with a pissy or harsh tone of voice like “WHAT??”…. which has no effect at all. I’d rather not be unpleasant, though… but asking her to please be more considerate and listen to me has no effect at all.
- Are you sure your girlfriend isn’t my husband ? It’s just fucking annoying. Just tell me what you want. Or as he so condescendingly says to me when I’ve decided something isn’t worth discussing (he’s the king of talking things through until I see his point and agree with him) he tells me to “use my words”. The reason I’m not using my words is because it’s not worth the following 4 hour debate about how I should see things his way.
  
  He obviously needs to use his words to tell you what he wants.

I can relate. I'm a words person. If my wife tells me to come see something, I'm thinking "just fucking tell me." If I click on a news link, and it's a video instead of an article, it's the same thing: "just fucking tell me." But not everybody is a words person.
- I fucking abhor how all information on the internet has become videos instead of text plus pictures. Very rarely does video add anything useful, and you can't easily search it or quote it. It's such a stupid way to share basic information 99% of the time.
  
  And you can't skim a video. It's a waste of time.
  
  it's because it's way easier to monetize
- OMG, I'll spend an hour looking for an article or a description of a fix for an issue, before I'll watch a 10 minute video on it! Mostly because that video has about 9 minutes of complete bullshit before answering my question.

Because when someone says "COME HERE" they're making the statement that whatever you're doing is pointless shit that can be dropped immediately.
I didn't tolerate that with my parents, and I sure as shit wouldn't tolerate it with a spouse. If you can't be bothered to give me a reason to go there, don't fucking tell me to go there.
"Hey, check this shit out!" - Fine. Implies it's on my own time. "Could you come in here?" - Fine. A request can be denied. "Come here." - I'm not your fucking dog.
- True.
  And I agree with you.
  But there's also plenty of room in the equation for a simple benign intent, so responding with hostility and assuming the worst also seems counterproductive.
  So I agree that OP should issue some sort of a challenge response, but perhaps not go quite so directly to "I'm not your fucking dog".
  In this specific case, I feel like, "What is it?" is a perfectly acceptable and reasonable response, that puts the ball back in the other court to determine how the rest of the exchange will go and to shed light on the tone.
  If you get a real answer, like "this cat on my phone is playing the piano" then you know it's innocent and well intentioned and can respond more softly and/or circumvent the issue.
  On the other hand, if you get a response that addresses the request in a way like, "just get over here" then yes, draw your line in the sand and have an argument about respect.

I can see how this would be exhausting after a while. I get a "come here" from my wife every couple of days or so when my daughter is doing something cute, or something weird is happening outside. It's generally reserved (for the most part) for something fleeting that's worth coming there to see.
As Tyrone from Trailer Park Boys would say, "You're sayin' "come here'" too many times! 80 or 90 times? That's too many times! Once or twice is cool, but 80 or 90 times, man?! That's too many "come heres", know'm sayin'? That's too many times. Once or twice is cool, but 80 or 90 times?"
- I'm not sure I got the message Tyrone is trying to tell. Could you have him say it 77 or 87 more times?
- you are a dangerous dog, to bring TPB in here.

Why the hell wont he just tell me why he wants me to get up, trudge to wherever he is, so that he can reveal the surprise like some sort of performative art ?
maybe he just wants to spend time close to you. maybe he likes the way you smell, or the way you stand near him.
it's selfish and silly to ask you to drop whatever you're doing to attend him, that's inconsiderate and you need to find a way to communicate it. but perhaps he's just bad at requesting your company.

instead of letting contempt fester in you why not literally just say "im busy rn can it wait?" and then give your partner some fucking time later to share something with you they find interesting? you sound like a bitter person tbh. maybe just talk to them damn.
- I have talked to him. He acknowledges he does it but doesn’t know why. I’ve explained how stressful it is for me, and he says he understands. I’m bitter because it annoys the fuck out of me, not because he’s trying to “share” with me.
  
  How about asking him to come to you instead each time? Or try to find some other way to help him break the habit. Don't let yourself get too worked up about it.

"Come here" feels unnecessarily directive to me. Like you, I'd be annoyed too if someone tried demanding my presence like that. You're not his to command.
My wife and I, if we want the other to see something, usually just say "Hey babe - check this out", and the other feels comfortable saying "Hang on" if they're doing something else. If it has some urgency, we'll add context: "Hey babe - come see what this idiot's doing in his car out the front". If what we want to show is portable (eg. a video on our phone) then we go to them.
Next time, I'd just respond with "What is it?".
- That's literally the same thing
  
  Nah, not really, but I get that it's hard to infer tone in a written post.

- This is also part of the annoyance. He has no problem with interrupting me for whatever he thinks is interesting. I do sometimes feel like he treats me like the entertainment a bit. When he gets a new game, he doesn’t necessarily even want to play it himself first, he wants ME to play it and he gets to watch while I struggle and learn all the shit. I work a very intellectually demanding job and most times the last thing I want to do at 10pm on a Tuesday is learn a whole new thing. If I’m out and he wonders when I’ll be home, or if what I’m doing, or even has a thought he will call me. I’ve explained to him a thousand times that he doesn’t need to know where I am every second of every day, not because he thinks I’m doing anything, but because he just wonders and that curiosity must immediately be satisfied. It’s so stressful to be out with your fucking mom and he calls five minutes after you leave the house and then 10 more times over the next two hours just wondering when you’ll be home. Like, he can’t even wonder. He has to call me so I can give him an answer. It’s exhausting. My mother says it’s a control thing but I don’t think so. I think it’s an urge being satisfied thing.

Aw, he just wants to share something with you.

When my wife sees something interesting while in the car, she just points and says, "look!" And by the time I figure out what I'm supposed to look at, it's already gone.
- When this happens to me, I pick out the most obvious thing in the general direction my partner has pointed and say something about it, like “wow, that is a lot of trees!”
  Makes my partner immediately explain what they saw, and I remind them that they’ve got to be specific. It’s gotten better.
  
  I've tried things like that before. It's a lost cause.

Not the same by my husband used to start to tell me something bad, without any other info. As he’d be telling me whatever it was, I’d be tallying the cost in my head. When you’re listening to a story, and stressing the fuck out about the tens of thousands, or more it was going to cost to fix it, it’s terrible and an emotional roller coaster you don’t need. Eventually, after explaining multiple times, what he was doing to me, it finally clicked. So now he’ll tell me things like “so, I broke the blah blah, but I was able to fix it for $10 and some bloody knuckles.” Then he tells his story, and I’m able to actually listen and participate in then conversation.
He also used to tell me stuff like “oh btw we need to talk about xxx” and then try to get off the phone. Xxx was always something that could be really bad or just funny story. I broke him of that habit too. Now it’s more like “everything’s fine, just need to talk about xxx” this one’s like someone telling you “we need to talk” and then leaving you hanging for a day or two imo.
Only thing I call tell you is to talk to him. Explain in great detail exactly how stressful it is to you. He SHOULD be willing to change his action to stop hurting you. If he’s not, base your choices off that.
- Semi-related, my dad taught me if no one was hurt/nothing bad happened to start with that. Like if a friend was in a car accident I start “Everyone is ok, but Michael got rear ended this morning” or “There was minimal damage thankfully, but a tornado went through Jessica’s neighborhood last night”. No point in making someone go through that roller coaster.
  
  Yup. Basically the same thing. I got run over by a deer in my Miata. Car was still drivable-ish but the windshield was smashed on the passenger side (along with a lot of ultimately non critical parts, largely cosmetic). I was trying to decide whether I should try to limp it to my shop (like 3 miles away on low traffic residential roads) or try to get a tow, from a very unsafe location to be broken down, on a highway. I started the conversation “I’m fine, but I just hit a deer”. Imo it’s the polite way to treat bad news about loved ones.

I understand that it bothers you when he asks but maybe it's because you feel obligated to get up and go?
Have you tried not doing that? Seriously, tell that dude to tell you what it is or ignore him until he comes to you. You're the master of your brain, big dawg. Don't stress 🙏

Maybe it's a language barrier thing "come here" sounds rude to my German brain. Like an order you give a dog, not the way you ask a person to come to you. "Check this out" seems the same but it sounds much better to me.
- My guess is that in usage it’s more like, “(hey) c’mere,” which would be less commanding and more friendly. Tone of voice can also play a big role on this particular phrase.
  But you’re right, “come here” can be rude or bossy.

This sounds like a you problem that can only be resolved by talking to him about it. Maybe a counselor or therapist if necessary.
- Yeah, kinda sounds like the husband may just be unaware of what's ticking OP off. Even if they show displeasure, if they don't properly verbalize it, they may just be annoyed at the subject matter, rather than how the husband is calling them.
  Some people, like me, are daft as hell and need some things to be spelled out for them.
  
  as a boyfriend i talk like this too, i don't think my girlfriend bothers, but i never thought about it, yes, she need to talk to him cos he never gonna know
  
  Oh no I have verbalized it. He acknowledges it’s inappropriate and keeping me in unnecessary suspense. But he doesn’t know why he does it so … shrug. He even apologized for it last night as soon as i said something about it (raccoons just sitting on the roof). It was 1am and I was dead asleep and he called me on my phone to wake me to come outside right away and see this. A 1am urgent call from outside the house when I’m dead asleep should be about someone being dead, not “there are two raccoons sitting on the roof of our sunroom.”

My wife doesn't do it all the time more when we first got together but she would call my name, like I'm a fucking dog. I just started saying "What?" Sometimes she would just say "come here" as a response and I would just give an akward silence for a second and say "Why?" with some attitude behind it. She figured out that it bothered me and stopped. Communication is cool.

You are normal and have every right to be bothered by it. Have a chat with them and let them know how much it bugs you, and offer them an easy fix: just provide context.
- I guess that’s what I’m here for, context. I feel like I can’t adequately explain why it’s upsetting when I can’t even explain it to myself. It seems like such a small silly thing to object to but it really freaking stresses me out and ticks me off. Sometimes other people’s thoughts help give context to your own.
  
  I think some of the other commenters pointing out that it reads as a command is probably a big one, but you did a pretty good job of explaining it here (imo). Even just saying to him that you want a heads up of if it's good or bad and working out a system so you don't stress would probably be a marked improvement for you, and I would bet it'd be an easy fix.

20 years ago when my wife and I first got together, we had a lot of minor issues like this (minor to me not for you).
She was a “come here” lady and I would prance, leap, breathe like a dog, move my head in joyous ways and bark as I came to her. It was a hilarious way for me to say it’s kinda disrespectful.
It’s all about communication. Just have a talk. These days, it’s all “hey babe, check out this funny video!” Or she will “hey look at the mess you left, come clean it up, I’m not your maid” and we’d joke about getting her a maid outfit for fun times. lol
- Wait. Communicate about how something that your significant other does that bothers you instead of coming to the internet to see if it should bother you in the first place? That seems completely unreasonable. Talking bout feelings. Jeez.
  But for real, you hit the nail on the head. A little bit of 'When you do X it makes me feel Y' goes a long way.

Other advices are good, talk to him and explain how hard it is on you.
My suggestion is not to expect fast change even if he understands the problem. This habits are hard to change, but possible. Just talk to him and talk again and again until he changes it.
Another idea is that he is, unintentionally, projecting his stress onto you. I would guess he dies have some anxiety or depression issues, maybe evem he is not avare of. This is socially acceptable way of showing it to his partne.

I have a similar issue with a co-worker that I trained under for a while: when he wanted to show me how to do a thing, he wouldn't tell me what he was instructing me on, he would just start walking me through steps so that he could reveal what was finished at the end.
I ended up having a blow up where I told him to tell me what I was doing before I started doing it, and that he isn't a fucking magician.
Editted to add: I started calling him Houdini for a while, which is what made him stop

I have a different nickname for my wife when I want her to come to me. So it's just so easy I just have to shout and she'll show up in a matter of seconds. But if call her by regular name, she'll just reply asking. WHAAAT?
Also I think you're bothered because "come here" is just so basic, feels like an order, we see ourselves as something being told to dogs. Just two more words can change the tone a lot "can you come here?"

it’s more to do with their inability to use words to describe what they are seeing. Lack of ability to communicate. And yes, it can be very exhausting. You just reminded me of one relationship I’m actually very very relieved it ended because he was very much a draining human being.

tell him to stop issueing the command of "come here," and instead offer up alternatives.
"Hey, you got a second to see this?"
"Honey, you gotta check this out!"
"Honey, drop everything you're doing and run to me"
"Hey babe, come experience this crazy thing with me!"

Because “come here” is a command, and when a pattern emerges over the lifetime of a relationship it is disrespectful to you. Are you a dog?

My mother is like this as well, when I was little she used to only say "come here!", and if I wasn't showing up right next to her she wouldn't say what she wanted to say, she would just stay silent. Sometimes it was only to let me know it was someone's birthday.
She even says it unconsciously now. She lives in Venezuela, I live in Brazil now, and during calls she still says "come here" and every time I tell her "Now how am I gonna go there right now? Are you paying for the plane tickets?"
It's not just you, you're not mental, it's fucking frustrating and at some point in my life I just decided not to react to her "come here" and keep quiet until she tells me what she wants, otherwise I'm not interested.

I guess it bothers you as it's a command, not a request. I'm not to responsive to commands as well. My wife doesn't give them, but states a situation, usually expecting I drop everything and respond. (almost as bad)
As someone already reacted, in the car I get a 'look' as well, but th's usually because she sees an old car. (When busy with traffic, I miss it, but we have some nice spots)
Some consideration from your partner is appreciated though, but that requires telling what is wrong as well. Without communication the problem only escalates. (Which usually doesn't bode well for relationships)
- Hmm that’s part of it. But I literally never know what I’m walking in to. About 2 months ago he was yelling “a little help here. Hurry. I need you.” He said those three things instead of “I cut my hand in the garage, bring a towel because I’m bleeding”. Nope he yelled at me vaguely and then acted annoyed when I didn’t hurry and he was clearly bleeding everywhere and then snapped at me to go get him a towel and move faster because it was an emergency.
  
  Oh help, bloody idiot (litteraly). Looks like a pampered kid. Was he an only child? The 1st thing a child learns (when out of diapers) in a multiple kid family is to be clear when you need help and help yourself first/as much as possible. When a person is not clear what they want, they have only themselves to blame when others don't understand what they want. (but alas, it looks like you have some educating to do, but I doubt it'll stick)
  I had an accident (several even) with blood loss, but even with a concussion (after a head-bud from a wheelbarrow, resulting in it and a huge nosebleed) it was clear that just shouting would be useless, so I went to the spot where the help was available. Yes, blood all around, most of it on clothes and outside, but that could be cleaned. I know my wife would rather clean up later then find a non-functioning husband.

You hate it precisely because of how you described it. It's a game where you often end up paying a price, where the reveal is more often a punishment, not a reward. You've sensibly learned to dread it.
His half of the game is that always gets is to see your reaction in the moment. If it's something bad, he gets a big reaction out of you. It's always a payout for him. Not for you.

Follow up question, have you had a discussion with him about this? Have you two attempted to approach and solve this problem as a team already?

I think you alone might need some counseling. Because that is not healthy. Just enjoy the fact that your partner invests time, thought and energy in you by showing you stuff.
- It’s literally the opposite. The partner doesn’t even want to spend the effort to verbalize what it is they want to show. Instead, they ask OP to invest time and energy to “come here” for dubious returns. They’re not doing it for OP, but for the recognition they expect for “showing them stuff”.
  
  Why wouldn't you want to see the stuff that the person you like wants to show you? If you don't want to go why don't you just say "no"? Your partner isn't a villain for wanting to show you stuff. They either wants to make your day a bit better, share something they like with you or they might need help with something.
  Because I really don't get why you have to be anxious about "going over there".
- I don’t think that’s the issue. Basically the OP doesn’t know what she is walking into (funny video, huge house/financial problem, or life threatening situation) and that is causing stress/resentment about the “come here.”
  It’s definitely not “her alone” that needs counseling. Why doesn’t her partner just tell her what’s going on? Why the need to cause her so much stress so he can have a “big reveal”?
  If he continues to do it after a serious conversation and her creating a boundary (eg, not going unless her partner tells her what’s going on), then they both need counseling.
- There is nothing unhealthy about being annoyed when someone forces you to always come to them no matter what it is about again and again and again, instead of at least sometimes actively coming to you when they want to interact.
  
  There's no force. People don't have to treat these things as commands. They are free to say "No", or in this case maybe a "Why? I'm in the middle of something!".
  He says it repeatedly because it works. If it doesn't work all the time he won't do it as much.
- And she should ignore the obnoxious way he chooses to do it? What other things you propose sje should ignore?
  
  How is it obnoxious to say "hey. Come here"?
- This isn’t investing in time, thought and energy though. This is random impulsive things, regardless of if I’m at work, or on a call or just trying to wind down after a 12 hour day. I work a full time job and a side gig, and he is, at this point, semi-retired. I do the majority of the housework and childcare jobs. We contribute to our household income at about 5:1. Im already exhausted, but I feel like he wants me to spend any free second I have entertaining him. He has no interests except his guitar (which he gets his fill of at work as a teacher about 25 hours a week) and his PS5. So if neither of those are entertaining him, then I’m expected to provide entertainment for him. I’m really just tired and frustrated. Have you ever had someone who literally just wants to fill up every spare moment you have with something they need before ? There are days where I’m cleaning the kitchen at midnight and he’s getting snippy because he’s been waiting forever for me to get finished to come and play this game so he can watch (he makes it sound like it’s really a favour for me because he’ll rub my back halfassedly while I play). He’s not investing in anything, and he’s got a lot of energy to spare. I don’t.
  
  That is more than "Hey come here".
  If it's "hey come here (look at this for 5 seconds)" it's a completely different thing that him getting his knickers in a bunch because you're not following his narrative when you're taking care of the household.
  The way you described it was more of him seeing something on the pc and asking you to come look or him asking you to come over and help him temporarily with something.
  Not disregard household chores so that you can play his game in the middle of the night.
  I would say it's two different things completely.
  I am sorry that I misunderstood the situation. I would also tell him to man the fuck up or there will be consequences. And the consequences would be you not doing his part of the dishes or his psrt of the laundry so that he will have to pick up the slack or however the hell you want to retaliate. Unacceptable. You deserve someone who appreciates you for whonyou are and what you do.

What does he do if you stay where you're at and ask what he wants you for?
- “You’ll see! Just come here!” 80% of the time it’s nothing at all. The other 20% it’s something bad involving blood or damage to our house or something equally awful and devastating. It’s horrible to do the execution walk to see which one I’m going to get. He even once needed stitches and was bleeding everywhere and wouldn’t tell me what he wanted, just that I needed to hurry and he needed a hand. I had to experience the big reveal and see the blood everywhere before he told me he needed a towel from inside the house where I’d just been.
  Even emergencies he won’t tell me. “I’ll see” when I get there. Surprise!
  
  That sounds awful. I dunno. I mean, at the heart of it all, on some level you're allowing him to continue this behavior by going to him each time. If you don't go, he has to either keep calling until you give in, or if you don't give in, he can get pouty about it, yell about it, or eventually come and actually find you.
  If you stand your ground and refuse, eventually he has to change his behavior. But, getting to that point will be very uncomfortable. So the question is, how much do you want things to change? Are you willing to go through that discomfort to get your needs met?

I hate it, too. It's like someone ordering a circus animal to perform.
I also hate it when I get vague open-ended texts like "favor?".
- I'm not even sure what that text is asking of you lmao
  Do they want a favor from you or do they want to make you a favor?

Why
Because you're not the property of a huge baby

Thats just how he talks. Tell him to try and rephrase it. It can take a while if he is stuck in his old ways though.

My husband does this too, and when I ask “What’s up?” he coyly replies “You’ll see!” Argh!
- THIS! You’ll see. Why ? WHY?? Just tell me

your post has just illustrated to me how blissfully uncommon it is that anyone ever tells me to "come here".
I can't tell you the last time someone said it. I'm sure it's not super long ago but I don't remember a specific circumstance.
There have been differently phrased instances, though:
"hey, can you have a look at this for me please?"
or
"i'd like to show you something"
or
"i need your help with something"
or
"i want to go over something with you when you get a chance" while implying by nodding toward the hallway out of earshot from the others in the office
etc.
...
jordan howlett does it on his youtube shorts though i guess? but that's not to ME, that's to the whole audience. and he zooms in with his phone camera. freaking love that guy.

Did you tell him?
- Oh yes. But he has zero impulse control (because he practices none) so the second he thinks about something he wants to show me he does it again

This is an annoying trait that my moms husband has. It's ok to let it annoy you. It shouldn't be fucking with your day. If he says come here just say I'm doing or in x(watching the TV, in the kitchen, eating lunch, cleaning) it doesn't need to be super important but it'll just communicate you're doing something she he can bring the news to you. It should not stress you out though. Just change the dynamic a bit.

My wife does this, and I understand where you're coming from. Especially if I'm in the middle of something. Although, at least for me, it's usually a nice thing she wants to show me, I'd rather know what she wants me for before I make my way over to her. If I ever need her presence I go to her and tell her what I need her for, but she always tells for me in another room. I think that's what bothers me about it. I'd like her to do for me what I do for her.

Ask him to add "This is interesting!" followed by "please".
If he won't, repeat the request 3 times, then announce that you're going to pretend he didn't say a thing and refuse to move.

- I hhaaaaate looking at things on his phone. We don’t find the same stuff funny and I hate videos. I’ve got the joke after the first five seconds, please don’t make me watch 8 minutes of this.

I've heard other people complain about this behaviour. The problem is that your husband is extorting a reaction from you. You are obliged to generate the reaction, out of politeness and respect for his feelings. There is a cost attached to this performance that you are bearing but not really much of a reward. I know because I'm doing it to my wife and she hates it. My daughter is doing it to me and I hate it. I should stop but torturing her like this is fulfilling some dark corner of my mind.
- I should stop but torturing her like this is fulfilling some dark corner of my mind.
  What the fuck my dude?
  
  Some people say this is one aspect of an attention deficit disorder. For more hilarious examples of the pathology, have a watch of What We Do In The Shadows.

You're not alone, tho I usually don't deal with that. when someone tries that on me, unless it's in a situation where they literally can't move from that spot, I go "Ok, cool. YOU come here, then." Why? Simple: you wanna show me something. when I need you for something, then I'll walk my ass over to you and ask/show you what i need. Pretty reasonable ask to give me the same courtesy back, i think. Only one that's exempt from that is my ma, everyone else is gonna get a variation of the above.