Distros bad

Arch user should be an aeropress: people can't seem to shut the hell up about how great it supposedly is
- I use areopress btw
  
  It's aeropress, did you even read the wiki???
- Just pretend it's a V60.
  I brew with a V60, btw.
  
  V60 user here
  On arch btw
  
  V60 user here.
  MBP user tho
- I have an aeropress. I have yet to take the time to figure out how to use my aeropress.
  
  The true arch experience.
  
  100c water, 12g coffee per 200g water, pour 50g water into press then wait 30sec, stir, add the rest, add the press so the water doesnt flow, wait 2 more minutes then press down until hiss.
  Easy peasy.
  
  Well it says 80C water up to IIRC the first line but are you really sure about that? Also what about your grind settings?
- I use Arch, and let me tell you it's great.
- Lol. Checks out for me. Have an Aeropress, and use Arch (btw). I also have an espresso machine though, but never really touched Gentoo.
- I use both Aeropress and an arch based distro, btw.
- I have an aeropress and run arch haha
- I think it is pretty great tbh, just havent tried it yet as it is very manual

Ok, what OS do I need?

MacOS is Starbucks.
- expensive coffee that tastes terrible!
  
  You get to choose between burnt-tasting black coffee and a pint of milk with more syrup than espresso!
  
  Worse, expensive coffee that tastes mediocre, but they insist they were the first ones to add flavourings to it.

Torvalds eating raw coffee beans straight from the can
- Stallman prefers to refer to it as Coffee + Creamer.
  
  Stallman dips his toe into the coffee before he drinks it
  
  RMS would never touch Java.
- Well except he uses fedora
- LFS

i drink instant coffee because i just dont care anymore.
chromebook user
- Chromebook is paying for coffee at a coffee shop.
  
  No because then you might get decent coffee sometimes. Chromebook is getting coffee from a 7/11.
  
  Nah, Starbucks is MacOS.
  It's more expensive than it needs to be, but it looks really pretty, and fundamentally it's still coffee, just like MacOS is Unix-based under the hood.
  A chromebook is more like a can of coke. It's caffeinated, has mass-market appeal, but nobody's going to be spending hours talking about just how great their can of coke is vs. someone else's can of coke. A high-end chromebook is maybe a glass bottle of Mexican Coke.
- Instant coffee is windows, but you pirated it and disabled automatic updates. Cheap, kinda shitty, but it gets the job done.

RedHat: Any of these, but you're paying a barista to make it.
- The barista also puts up a partition while making it, so you have to trust them not to spit in it.
- Rocky Linux: A Youtube video entitled "Latte art 101: How to make the perfect barista coffee at home!"

I feel under represented
- That's because you're clearly a BSD user
  
  This
- True. Very classy, kinda annoying and also fancy. Kinda complex but simple concept behind it.
  You have to repeatedly clean up the mess but its also rather easy to shake out. So semi automatic updates.
- I feel like an idiot for taking so long to get one. After i brought it, a friend regifted me a milk frother. Zap the milk for 30 seconds and whip and you've got a barista drink at home.
- bam! this is what i came here for. love my mokapot!
- The moka pot design is small, efficient, and doesn't scale. So some flavor of embedded distro?
  
  It scales great actually. Have you never seen one of those mini pots that only make enough for one small cup?
- Couldn't really make it work for me, gas stove and a moka pot seems too finicky. So I just do pourover
  
  I did use it on a gas stove (brought it with me when was on vacations at my parents lol) and totally works
  I think yours specifically might have a design issue
- I use a Kerrigan, but I'm a debian guy.
- The Ol' reliable. Takes a bit of work, but the result is great. Debian stable.

Hannah Montana Linux: Red Bull

All I’m getting from this is that arch is easier than I expected and will give me a much better end result than the distros I’m used to.
- Absolutely yes to the first part, just use archinstall. The second is in large part up to you, but pacman + AUR are amazing.
  
  Yeah, this is the way, doing it manually is fun and all but its highly unnecessary extra effort as there are very little reasons as all of it is just configuration of the system. Archinstall is just the Text-GUI version that still offers the customize ability of the install. Heck you can load a configuration file that you can make before hand so that you don't need to babysit the installation and can reproduce it in other systems/PCs.
- I suppose this depends entirely on your expectations?
- Arch is a doddle these days, but still has excellent documentation, which was always it's strength (archwiki is life), read, learn. Personally it led me via fedora for stability to immutable ublue kinoite. When NixOS is there (stable), so shall I be, in the meantime I am happy with a distrobox arch with the AUR for all my random needs...
- It is very manual though. For rolling release BTRFS snapshots like on Fedora and Opensuse Tumbleweed are a total must.

As an Arch user who only makes pour-over coffee, I feel deeply attacked
- I feel properly represented.
- Well now I’m kind of weirded out to find others in these comments that are also exactly this
  
  I just like my rituals and procedures!
- Same except for being attacked and being an arch user.

all of these are valid options for making coffe.
but what distro is this?
- Slackware probably.
- Nixos? Lol maybe that's aeropress tho
- This is what I use. I just downloaded Mint Cinnamon yesterday. Not sure if that means anything.
  
  I'm a Mint Cinnamon user, and to me, Mint Cinnamon is a typical drip machine with a built in timer and some nice extra features. It's a bit fancier than Debian but still simple and reliable to use.
  A french press I think represents Pop!_OS.
  
  i was about to say linux mint as well. dump some coffe in, some water, press it down and off you go!
  non-proprietary and very reliable.
- No matter what this is but its truly based.
- Probably.
- OpenSUSE Thumbleweed?

I'm really sad there isn't a French press on here. That's what I use and I was hoping to discover what my coffee distro is :-(
- I’m really sad there isn’t a French press on here
  Nor a moka pot, which is my preferred way.
- Seeing as how the grounds are still sitting in the finished product, I'm going to say BSD but you don't clear out the ports tree.
  
  I'm not a BSD guy, but I like your analogy
- As a French press user, I also opt for easier routes to Arch (EndeavourOS), and my head canon says so do we all.

Couldn't be more wrong for me, lol
Also, I feel like instant coffee should be represented - it's one of the most common preparation methods and it's easy to dunk on.
- Instant Coffee is Windows
  
  🤣🤣🤣
- And what would that be? A live usb?
  
  Good idea! Maybe more specifically a live usb distro, like Puppy, Knoppix etc?
- https://api.time.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/instant-fresh-coffee-map-euromonitor.jpg
- ChromeOS is coffee from Starbucks or something bad
- instant coffee
  Eww
  
  Some instant coffee is just fine if you add milk. IMO it's better than the cheap filter coffee that a lot of people I know drink.

GNU Guix, and NixOS, respectively
- It's very easy to clean and travel with, though. But yeah, it's very close. Especially if you use a metallic mesh.
  
  Indeed
  
  Not even close. French presses are way larger, holding a can instead of a mug, generally glass, and are pure immersion brewers while aeropresses are immersion/infusion hybrids, giving you way more options. The grind sizes you use are also vastly different: French press grind is coarse to survive the long immersion, while people generally grind for aeropress in between filter coffee and espresso fineness -- roughly what supermarkets sell as espresso fine (which it isn't, espresso fine grind is basically the consistency of talcum powder and spoils within minutes).
  And while it wouldn't be right to claim that you can use them to make actual espresso you can use them to make concentrates that come darn close, definitely appropriate for a cappuccino, or tiramisu. You really don't want to make concentrates with immersion.
  Oh and by default aeropresses use paper filters, while French presses use sieves. Preferences differ but as you can get sieves for the aeropress again you have more options.
  In short, it's the brewer for someone who cares about coffee, probably has a (hand) grinder (and a mere chestnut at that), avoids buying any supermarket coffee and knows a source of proper but non-fancy beans, but doesn't really want to go full nerd about it. Also, isn't a hipster paying through their nose to get a Hario filter holder and papers in a Melitta region (or the opposite), or gets a ceramic filter holder which only means you have to heat it up... no upsides. Speaking of nerds.
  In even shorter, it's at a very very solid performance vs. fuss sweetspot. At least if you're making a mug of coffee, if you need to supply a table full of guests... honestly if I had to do it right now I'd throw grinds and water into a pot, wait a bit, then filter the whole thing through an ordinary kitchen sieve followed by an ordinary paper filter holder, and hope for the best.

Y'all acting like 10 years is a long time... I expect that to be the minimum out of any capital expense for a "durable" good.
- So... which version of Debian are you running at the moment?
- I wish

Fedora user made this...
- Linus Torvalds uses Fedora lmao
- Uhm... I dont think so XD

Which distro uses a French press?
- Voidlinux
  Nobody else can tell that the end product is any different, but you know you're different and special and that's what matters.
  
  How dare you. Everyone that I force to try my coffee says it’s amazing!
  
  Nobody else can tell that the end product is any different, but you know you're different and special and that's what matters.
  Say you have never used a french press without saying you've never used a french press.
- Big aeropress fan. Where’s the Linux equivalent of that?
  
  You know, Arch feels more like aeropress than a pourover.
  
  I reckon Alpine. Nice and minimal ...
  
  Judging by what I use, NixOS.

Debian user here. This is scary accurate.
- I'm offended, but then I had to acknowledge that I've been using Debian since 1995.

I use Ubuntu and that is literally the coffee machine I use... Except I don't use the actual cups, I'm basically only using it as a source of hot water, and instead I use different cups that are reusable, and just are there to hold the coffee grounds. And similarly, I got flathub on Ubuntu, installed shit to get appimages working, and accidentally uninstalled gnome at one point, which took me an hour to fix mostly because it just stopped at a terminal I couldn't input anything on, so I had to figure out that I could open up a new one that would actually let me log in and reinstall gnome.
- mostly because it just stopped at a terminal I couldn't input anything on, so I had to figure out that I could open up a new one that would actually let me log in and reinstall gnome
  Ctrl + Alt + F3
  
  The problem was more that I didn't even know what I was looking at. It just stopped at a screen with terminal output from it booting up, so I thought it was just stuck... After a bit I found something on an arch forum that mentioned opening up a new terminal instance (or something like that), and how to do it, which led me to realize that gnome got uninstalled.
  Once I figured that out it only took 5 minutes to fix, but I only found that after an hour of assuming that it was frozen and trying to fix that.

Fedora should be French press but yeah lol
- True. Tooling but not too much.
  
  Looks complicated to the uninitiated, works fairly quickly and simply to those that are familiar with coffee, but the output is divided between those that believe it to be a superior product for the commitment and those that don't see it as worth it compared to other methods.
  Sounds just like Fedora lol

Slackware: Start by planting your own coffee plants...

French press? ? ? ❓
- Manjaro
- SUSE: now with oils on the surface and sludge on the bottom
  
  Imagine calling flavor "oils and sludge"
  
  a little extra cafestol cuz your heart needs help dying

If you've used an espresso machine you will know that every single small change, even new fresh beans, fucks up the setup and you have to dial everything again, so I think it fits better with another one. I use arch btw.

What distro would a moka pot be?
- It's a little weird and very European, so OpenSUSE.
  
  I can very much live with that. Love me some suse

I feel like arch is the espresso machine and Gentoo is a pile of espresso machine parts.

Turkish coffee pot: works with literally any source of heat if you know what you're doing.
NetBSD.

Mint linux is a cup of tea.
- *Mint tea precisely

- You snort that raw, uncut TempleOS and look God in the face every time you boot your machine up.
  
  ... you already read my comment about temple and Hannah Montana, right? This isn't a meme.
- You boot into an OCaml REPL
- Either apartheid or Hannah Montana
  
  I'm trying to compile my own mix of temple and Hannah Montana to get the most effective least bloat os possible.

If I make cold brew for 2 weeks at a time with a bucket and a fish pump what distro am I?
- Dangerously close to TempleOS.
  
  I literally lolled.
- Guix

Slackware is the 50 year old percolator in the break room of the DMV.

It does not recommend a coffee prep method for Tumbleweed and I really need some caffeine. Please help. Quick.
- Cocaine. Stay rolling
  
  Sure. As long as Suse keeps releasing :)

Temple OS - fistfuls of caffeine pills.
- Might be adderal, though
- I'd say meth would give a more accurate experience.
  RIP Mr. Terry A. Davis

In the army, when on sentry - no light, no noise, no fire - we'd open the pack of instant, swish it around with a mouthful of water, swallow through the regret. Not an LFS user, though.
- Man, you'd think they issue caffeine pills for those situations ...
  
  Air force prescribes amphetamines for pilots doing really long bomb runs, so there's that.
- I'd say Knoppix for that. You're not really doing this for your daily driver, you're just dealing with an urgent need to get you through your current predicament
- Shit. I can feel that and I was never in the army.

I use an aeropress and Silverblue. Seem right?

Damn, got me. Debian user, been using a basic Cuisinart bean to cup for years.
The heating element broke in my original machine earlier this year. Bought a used one of the exact same model with a broken water reservoir cover and carafe lid then transplanted those parts from my old machine.
Plan to use Debian unless it stops being developed or I die. Plan to use my Thinkpad until it dies. Also plan to use that same model of bean to cup machine unless I can't find replacements when they inevitably die.

I do it the Arch way. I don't use Arch, btw

What if I pour the grounds and water directly into the cup and just drink around them?
- Tails.
  No installation, leaves no traces.
- Temple OS
- Damn, I used to do that. I think I used Windows 7 at the time ...

What's Windows? Instant coffee with cuddled cream
- Burnt coffee from an industrial coffee maker
- Windows is having coffee delivered. It's cold since days now.
- Windows is Hot Cocoa. It's comforting and warm, but not really what you're wanting right now. And probably not great for you.
  
  No that would be Linux Mint (comforting and warm part anyways). Windows would be a coffee ad
  
  I think Windows is hot chocolate from an instant packet where you just add hot water.
  It's objectively pretty bad, it's definitely not coffee, but it's easy to make, and you get the same standard thing every time.

Does this work the other way? Can I pick a disto based on my preferred method? I mostly drip brew, using the aeropress occasionally, but dream about having a fancy espresso setup.
- The only aeropress users I know are Mac people

I hate coffee, I drink tea, and I use Ubuntu.
What now?
- It's ok, Ubuntu breaks if you actually try to use it to make coffee, and when you try to service it you find mold and sludge in the pipes.
- You use the tea Keurig pods
- I'm a tea enthusiast as well. I run arch and only have an idea of what I'm doing half the time.
  
  I see there's a lot of tea enthusiasts who use arch around. Maybe there's something to explore here. I drink tea btw.
- I can’t have caffeine and I use ubuntu
  Checkmate

God damnit... Btw

RHEL is the lukewarm but effective coffee provided by your boss from the economic but agreeable coffee shop chain.

I'm to lazy to do my homework. Can anyone explain what's wrong with Ubuntu?
- Not too deep in that conversation but afaik it's a series of choices that just continuously make Ubuntu less usable.
  from what I "know" it seems to be mostly:
  the baffling decision to keep riding the dead Snap train instead of the now widespread Flatpak one.
  some drama around them switching from Gnome 2 -> Own Desktop -> Gnome 3 and related decisions, not sure what the problems there were but apparently a lot of people didn't like it.
  some stuff about telemetry, not sure how relevant this is currently but I heard some people complain about it.
  Again, not really sure that's it but it's what I recall hearing here and there.
  
  What distro would you suggest? I abandoned windows 10 for Ubuntu but it didn't grew on me. I know Linux Mint is friendlier but I thought giving Ubuntu a try
  
  and they're using gnome 40+ now, but gnome 40 is actually great, unlike gnome 3
- Ubuntu is a product of Canonical which are a pretty evil corporation and a submarine of Microsoft. What they don't leech off Debian is proprietay and lock-in.
  
  I'll look into it. Thanks for the heads-up
- remember, do not feed the trolls... That said, snaps suck vs flatpak or appimage.
- As a commercial OS, it's fine. LTS releases, great headless experience, and dependency graph that is progressive but not as frozen in time as RedHat.
  As an end-user OS, the dizzying number of ways to get usable apps into the GUI cut deep against advanced users. Especially when advanced use cases smash into incompatibilities and easy-to-make mistakes that break stuff. But if you're willing to rock a lot of defaults and just slap things together from the package manager, it works okay.

I don't drink coffee.... From what I can tell from this thread, I should be Amish

No French press?

AeroPress Pop!_OS gang, check in!

so what's the plunger/French press?
- I would say opensSUSE. They need some love too.

This meme is fake! Espresso only takes 15 minutes from start to end! At least, if you cut out preheating the machine...
cries
- I worked out that I can better/ more quickly preheat my portafilter using the water from the kettle for the wife's instant coffee.
  
  Giga brain Chad over here! Nah, my partner and I wake up at different times, and she doesn't even like coffee in the first place. I usually start preheating my machine before taking a shower in the morning, and that gives enough time for my flair to preheat. All I need to do is manually grind, start the kettle, and do my puck prep, then good to go!
  It's honestly a comfy ritual, plus you get to pull a great turbo shot every morning for pennies compared to even a Starbucks, for far better quality. Does it "save" money? No, but it's a hobby I love!

I dont drink coffeee... What distro am I?
- Void Linux
- linux mint, its just a pitcher filled with whatever you do drink, dont ask me how it got in the pitcher
- Devuan.
- Apple if you drink energy drinks, Windows if you drink tea.
  FreeBSD if you don't drink caffeine.
  
  I would have thought Apple if you exclusively get your coffee from Starbucks.
  Mt Dew for Windows
  
  I don't drink energy drinks, or tea, and I do occasionally drink caffeine, just not coffee.

Mostly brew mine with the chemex, and the occasional moka pot. But I've been running Pop os

Hold on, my coffee is still compiling from source. Ive been messing with funtoo and its ironically very fun.

Gentoo is misrepresented. It is custom-built manufacturing line that massproduces coffee, blackjack and hookers.

Windows user: a stovetop percolator because they've had it forever and the coffee it makes is perfectly fine!
(Narrator voice: it's not perfectly fine, the coffee is bitter and burned).

I buy canned coffee... What distro is that?

I mostly drink instant coffee. I'm also a dirty Windows user who mainly uses WSL (with the Ubuntu distro on that) for my Linux needs.