British Tea Translator

"Time for tea I think" - I'm going on a break, do not follow me with work
"We're out of tea" - Ight, I'mma head out
- I wonder if that second meaning is how "tea" began to also mean "gossip"
  
  It started as “T” for “truth” and evolved into “tea” with wordplay with “spill the tea”.
  https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/tea-slang-meaning-origin

In lesson 2, the semantics of tea vs brew vs cuppa
- I'd like to learn this too.
  
  Tbh, I was hoping some other Brit with actual social skills would drop by with the answer, then I could pretend to have known all along. I think it indicates increasing familiarity, something like
  Tea - you are a person who might want tea
  Cuppa - we are on friendly terms and I consider you my social equal
  Brew - I would trust you with my life and call you wanker to your face

"NOT IN THE HARBOR!!!!": Their American cousins are over for a visit.
- *Harbour, you fuckin degenerate 😅
  
  At least we actually pronounce the R instead of somehow cancelling it by adding an unpronounced letter.

How does English society even function
- Liberal amounts of tea by the looks of it.
- Aggressive queueing.
- I'm from the Commonwealth and I don't see anything wrong. Which part of this doesn't make sense? Would it help understanding if you swapped tea for coffee?
- Lots of caffeine.
- Imperfectly, to say the least

Mate, you need a cup of tea = you are having a really hard time right now and I hope that a cup of tea might be of some comfort to you.
Right! I'm getting tea = it's the morning and I'm already sick of everything.

"Have you had your tea yet?" = "Have you had dinner yet"
- You missed a nuance -
  "You'll have had your tea?"
  Meaning "I am offering dinner but secretly hoping you refuse it because I can't really spare it"

My English father and grandmother just said, "do you want tea?" Can someone tell me the translation of that?
- It often translates as "do you have time to stay and chat, or do you have stuff to get on with?". It's an invitation to relax together, without the implicit social demand.
  English social etiquette is a minefield, even for the English.
  
  What should one do when the visiting Brit wants coffee? Do they need medical attention?
- With my Nan, this means that she's just finished a cup but she'll happily put the kettle back on if you'd like one, but she's not going to just start making tea because she's alright for now, but if are having one she'll join you for another.
  If it had been more than 1 hour since her last cuppa she'd just say "I'm putting the kettle on" and that was that, everyone in the house without their milk teeth was getting a cup of tea shoved in their hands once the kettle had boiled.
  
  Something I've wanted to ask a Real Brit™ for a while now, since I'm trying to slowly transition from coffee to tea on the days I'm working from home:
  For the standard, basic tea you're drinking all day, can you give me the specifics of what you use and how it's prepared?
  I'm assuming the kettle is just for the water and you're not actually brewing a kettle full of tea? What kind is standard quality? Is it Earl Gray, English Breakfast, or is it just plain old "tea"? Bags? Loose leaf with an infuser?
  And do most drink it plain? With sugar? Milk? Honey?
  And are folks generally just constantly drinking it throughout the entire day?
  For coffee, I'll drink 1 or 2 cups, guaranteed minimum, fairly quickly every morning (both down by 930 or 10) and then the next cup after 10 I'll usually nurse through the afternoon until maybe 1 or 130, then that's it for coffee...but it seems like tea in the UK is just all day, every day.
  
  They weren't that insistent, but they were definitely taken aback when you said you didn't want tea.
- Feels like it's the "family" answer. Basically the first one, the "guest" answer, but more relaxed because you're closer.
- Probably means food. The evening meal.
  
  And yet all I ever got was tea. At any time of day.

What does "This tea is nothing more than hot leaf juice" translate to?
- Banishment
- Coffee is nothing more than bean soup.
  
  It could also be considered a broth (maybe idk)
  
  And porridge, similarly, is just oat soup.
- "That's what all tea is, Uncle"

"Would you like a cup of tea before you go?" - I would like you to leave now.
"Right, kettle's on" - thank god I am now finally able to sit down and relax