I feel like I lose myself if I feel good and do things I regret. I don't like the person I am when I'm feeling good so I choose not to feel good at all.
oh that's interesting. I'm not sure I can totally relate. I grew up in an evangelical household, so there were a lot of things I felt guilty for that were totally healthy, but I never got to the extreme of any good emotion making me feel bad (though I definitely heard that from others). I'm not sure exactly what you're referring to by "feel good and do things I regret", but I do hope that you overcome whatever thought patterns are programming that response, say fuck this shit, and enjoy life to its fullest!
I wish you all the best in your journey! I wish I could have been more helpful here