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Honestly I don't know, I give up on life time ago, then this last year I start "living" again by having a daily activies and job. But I deal with this like someone dead inside, I don't feel any joy. I am not even looking for a goal. I see nothing in other people, I interact with then know that i get forget as soon the day end. I am just too scared to kill myself.
Have you considered you may be depressed?
I do, but I don't think so.
Well, there could be something else going on too. Might be *worth talking to someone.
I had/have depression and what you described sounds a lot like it. Not saying it is, but I'd absolutely get an appointment.
The fact that you somehow got slightly out of it and started doing stuff, even if it's not that gratifying for you, is a step in the right direction. With medication or even just being seen by a professional I'm sure you could enjoy your life again!
I hope things get better soon.