Because, goddammit, a better world is possible! A lot of the time shit sucks and everything is expensive and I wanna just go to bed and never wake up.
But most of my problems are problems millions or even billions of other people struggle with, and those don't get solved by opting out of life.
What's more, those problems are man-made. They're the result of systems designed by mortal men just like me.
So, I stay alive. Because the only way to out-vote, out-number, overpower, and / or annihilate those bastards is to be alive.
Fear. I know it gets worse if I stop.
My dog
Honestly I don't know, I give up on life time ago, then this last year I start "living" again by having a daily activies and job. But I deal with this like someone dead inside, I don't feel any joy. I am not even looking for a goal. I see nothing in other people, I interact with then know that i get forget as soon the day end. I am just too scared to kill myself.
It feels nice to bike and feel the wind in your hair and huddle into your jacket keeping you warm. I also actively take breaks from playing video games to sit and feel intense gratitude and happiness toward the game. And oranges are absolutely delicious, and singing loud makes me feel alive.
I also like finding flowers in springtime (and putting them into my journal) and seeing/hearing great big flocks of crows in the autumn. Those are seasonal though, not a daily pleasure that keeps me going no matter what.
I just keep waking up and it keeps working
It used to be various substances but now it's making sure my kid has all the happiness and love that I wish I had growing up and the smile on my wife's face when she sees how happy I've become
Habit.
obligation
Debt to family members. If I pay them off, I'll have a reason to keep living. If i decide to run or kill myself, then I'll just be "a coward" and "selfish".
But I've had bad luck my whole life. I hope I'll be able to pay them off one day, but the idea of suicide has been crossing my mind daily. I've been unemployed since covid except for 1 job which lasted a month, and another job this December which may only last a month.
I am out of money. I just graduated university with a Bachelors Degree, and unlike most of my colleagues, I've been unable to get a job in the industry.
My school loans are coming to collect in January. My whole family is poor. I'm the realistic example of a poor person graduating with a degree. I'm stuck poor, and I will probably die poor.
Permanently Deleted
Curiosity.
Weed
Not wanting to be homeless.
Well, this thread is fucking depressing
Burning depression into rage.
I'm not sure. Living feels uncomfortable but the thought of dying and all the suffering it would cause is even more uncomfortable. I'm not sure I want to be here but if I wasn't, my family would be far, far worse off and that makes me feel bad.
Because I have many things I want to build, or attempt to build.
After living most of my life believing I had no mechanical skills, and all the things I wanted to help build were just pipe dreams and impossible for me but possible for others, I've finally learned that I have meaningful skills that can solve real mechanical problems.
I'm too cynical to think I can solve the world's problems for the masses, but maybe I can increase the output of a machine by 5% without causing it to break too often. Or maybe I can get a product made at the same rate but with less waste.
Progress.
If I'm improving in any way shape or form then I'm a step out of the dark. This can be from anything like going to the gym, improving on my hobbies, or even learning something new.
A lot of bummer answers here and they are many feelings I have had, but now I am old, and I look at it like this. I once didn’t exist. One day, I will again not exist and I’ll never exist again. In the meantime, I get a very brief glimpse to open my eyes and see the universe. In it is a lot of things. Among them love, mac and cheese, peanut butter, sex, and dancing. A hearty laugh and a warm hug is worth all the pain it comes with.
-
we're at a tipping point in society right now. i wanna see where this goes. it might even get better.
-
my main problem is money right now. my apprenticeship will be over in 2 Years, and i will get a hefty salary and a guaranteed job.
-
Oxygen, water and food.
Not existing would be worse than existing, at least for now. And when it all ends, at least I got my rocks off a whole bunch of times first
Your mom /s
I don't know anymore.
Permanently Deleted
Lack of commitment, follow through, cowardice preventing me from doing what I really want to do.
Which means, I don't have that out. I can curl inward, f*ck everything, I'm done, and everything gets worse and worse. Not sustainable.
If I'm stuck here, no way out, I suppose only way left is to try to figure out how to get out of this dark space. It doesn't have to be fixed all at once. Just do one small good thing for yourself. Give yourself time to heal, recover. Take it slow. The only way things can change is by actions. Take a shower. Go to goodwill, spend $ on clothes that isn't sweatpants and tattered t-shirts. ..
If I keep at this, one small step at a time, I'm laying in a solid foundation, preparing for that point in future where I'll be able to go back to that goodwill, ask if they're hiring. Sure, not the cushy $75k job you had b4 becoming homeless. It's better than staying on SSI, trapped below poverty level in overcrowded slums.
Only way to move forward is to keep trying.
I figured out how to feel better. It's what we've been told all along but didn't want to hear. From the outside it looks like a prescription for a miserable, dull, joyless life. In reality it opens up the possibility of feeling good, happy, and free.
If I was gone, my wife and dogs would not have the money to live.
The weekends.
Video games, beers and blows.
Becoming a better person.
Learning new things.
Trying new foods and or eating chocolate and drinking coffee.
Sex.
Ritalin.
Oxygen
The question.
God.
The idea that I may escape America one day. My version of the American Dream is leaving.
Free porn on my phone
Substance abuse
My dogs
i have a test today and honestly if i died right now i would be really mad because i'd have studied for nothing
so i guess i keep going because i have and am doing a bunch of stuff and i don't want that to go to waste
Delusions.
Spite for the razor in my wallet.
Caffeine and suger.
Cheerful vitriol
Millions of years of evolution.
Substanz abuse, my Cat and I'm think to much about how some people would feel if I go
The fact that I'm still on this planet
The simple joys in life. My relationship with my hubby, cooking a good meal, having a decent cup of tea, reading a good book, there are so many reasons to enjoy life.
Domino's Pizza
Dog. Pain. Self hatred.
People trying to get me to second-guess my doubts that there's anything to keep me going.
In general, guilt for the people I'd leave behind.
At this immediate moment, blasting "What a Time to be Alive" by Fall Out Boy in my headphones at work is doing the trick.
The promise of a hot cup of coffee in the morning.
To sustain myself and my family for now, until I'm eventually in a good position to help with organising the working class.
My job. I love making people happy! I actually look forward to Mondays and dread Fridays.
Spite.
Permanently Deleted
