Only $50?

I always wanted a sofa full of genetic material to let me clone someone.

First thought: "Who would buy this?"

Followed by the immediate realization that there is a certain subsection of our society who would definitely buy this. Sure, they'd lowball the offer, then try to get free delivery, but they want the couch.

… the Vice President of the USA

Haha hahaha who would buy this! This is so funny! Does anyone have a link by any chance? So I can make fun of it there, of course. Totally not to make an offer. No no, I would never do that again. Trust me, I'm a professional couch fucker.

Love, JD

Always say "thank you" to juicy couchussy.
JD.

If they have to advertise no skeet…. There’s definitely skeet.

Gently squirted on couch

uh… what does a roughly squirted on couch look like then 🥲

You know it when you see it.

JD Vance would like to know if this couch is still available

It’s just a little piss, bro. Stop being a bitch

Dude, piss baby was right there!
actually, squirt isnt technically piss but female ejaculate🤓👆
- Found the girl who "squirts" (or possibly her boyfriend who believes her when she says she's not pissing on him)
- It's piss. Squirting is pissing. That's been proven beyond reasonable doubt. Will link when I find the research I came across a while ago.
  Edit: this study is about as good as we're going to get on this topic, shows there is definitely a lot of urine.
- Nothing wrong with having a piss fetish nowadays; you can call it what it is without shame.
- Yes, but what most people call squirt is actually piss.

Considering how much Belle Delphine was charging for her bottled bath water, this is bargain!

Right? This is just a marketing problem. Charge $5000 and photoshop some bikini model on there.

Well without skeet it's clearly only worth $30 tops.

Quagmire would pay $5000

Well... as long as it was done gently...

Legit question though—as someone who doesn't get to participate in such activities but: do people who are active with this stuff and who perform it on a bed not wash it after hanky panky? Like I see in amateur stuff that some people definitely put towels on top of the bed and all that but hollywood movies make it seem like people still inevitably sleep in the bed naked anyway without washing themselves. So, all that grime is still bound to get on the blankets/sheets anyway. This has me thinking people do at least go out of their way to wash it or at least replace the sheets the next day but do they really? Asking for me...

Mattress protector so youre only really getting the blankets dirty. If there's a massive fucking puddle I'll usually change the sheets but otherwise I'll just shower and change the sheets the next day. If I'm smart I'll throw down a towel or a shittier blanket but I'm not smart often.
but hollywood movies make it seem like people still inevitably sleep in the bed naked anyway
As is customary, Hollywood is lying to you. You don't fuck and be merry and fall asleep. The ladies usually go pee afterwards (helps for everyone to prevent uti) and with creampies a shower after is basically essential.
Replacing the sheets depends on how dirty they got, but it can usually wait till next morning. Sex is pretty exhausting and we are all a little lazy.
One of my partners squirts like a fountain, and we just put a towel or 3 down to catch it so she doesn't have to sleep in a wetspot