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Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world

"no" banana @lemmy.world

4d ago

Literal interpretation

64 comments

If in your world "sending a video of pooping" is not synonymous with "hurting someones feelings", then I am not even sure what to say.
- It sure is a fucking insane thing to do

And suddenly he is feeling it again...
- I mean I guess if you do something that fucked up and get the same response you probably found your actual soulmate
  
  or someone who is trying very hard

Two literal shitposters - and they found each other
- She was thinking omg he has the same kink as I do.
  
  Kinky girl with a heart of gold and panties of brown.
  Homeboy found the keeper of all keepers, if she'll share poopix, she'll probably do all sorts of stuff, she's just waiting for her moment to shine!

One time, I was on the phone with my ex, and they narrated writing on the side of the toilet bowl with their own poo. It was incredibly vivid, and I was legitimately disgusted. He added emphasis and storytelling. I sat there and protested, completely unaware his mom did colonoscopies, and he was unfazed by the mention of poop.
One quote that always stuck with me is, "shit in a bag feels like play-doh."
To this day, I pray to a God that may not answer, that my ex was joking.
- I mean, shit in a bag does feel like play-doh sometimes.
  Source: have a dog
  
  Warm play-doh unfortunately
- It depends on the shit. It comes in a wide variety of consistencies, even on the same day.
- Analogies are cursed. They can paint so vivid a picture you wish you were illiterate.
  
  "All those moments will be lost in time, like poo on the side of a toilet."

And that's how I met your mother.

She’s a keeper

I'm literally shitting right now y'all.
- Lemmy is place for every type of character:
- Vids or it didn't happen.
  
  You trying to see me paint the bowl? I'd just take my word for it if I was you.
- Cool, but please don't send the video.
  
  I wouldn't check your DMs then.
- How would you rate your shit?
  
  Bog standard sit down and let 'er rip.
- agreed

Tell her "sorry, I'm only into girls, and girls don't poop" then block her
- Oh shit, the poop test. Clever!

Ten minutes is the real question mark for me. Was it just kismet that she had one in the holster like that?
- That's my secret, Cap. I've always got to poo
  
  Probably-crones-disease homies, represent
- Just eat something your stomach has an intolerance to and you can probably work it out pretty quickly
  
  I would eat anything for love
  But I won't eat that
- Sometimes, dreams do come true

Marriage material right there
- Need to get double toilets in the bathroom
  
  If one of you spreads extra wide, you can just go for a double decker.
  
  The Love Toilet

what's a girl gotta do besides being dead nice
- For some straight guys and gay ladies a girl could be mean to them and that'd increase how much they want them.
  That's a fairly small subset though.
- Suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
- Poo vids, sounds like.
- There are two rules *to dating neurotypicals and they're the same for both genders, and neither one is 'be nice.'
  
  ok then
  
  It's be hot af and easy?

ITT: I've found home. Y'all are my peeps.

Every night in my DMs.
I see poo, I feel poo.
That is how I know you, go poop.
Far across the distance.
And spaces between us.
You have come to show you, go poop.
Near, fart, wherever you are.
I believe that the shart does go on.
Once more you open the back door.
And you're here in my heart and my heart will go poo and poo.

I thought this was going to be a 5 years later we are married and she thinks I like poop story

I heard this one. They eloped within the week
- Probably
- Do they shit that loudly

The real ones aren't the ones you think you want

64 comments