Germans
Germans
Image of a ‘Daily Mail’ news headline, which reads:
“Coronavirus simulation shows a single cough can spread Germans across two supermarket aisles.”
A render of several supermarket aisles from a birds-eye-view is attached, which small coloured dots in the air representing germs.
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”. In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kom tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
The news brought to you by Monty Python.
Nah, the wind is blowing from a different direction.
https://openlibrary.org/books/OL17409777M/Fom_Winde_ferfeelt
For context, in this book, "missed by the wind" (which kinda sounds like gone with the wind) the author introduces a change to the language in every chapter, making it easier every time. And he succeeds. Highly recommend.
Thank you for making me laugh.
I love how it keeps progressing 😭
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
Up and included this line it should actually be implemented as reform to all versions of english.
Another symptom of German spreading is multiple postings of fish memes in international communities instead of being limited to ich_iel.
It’s called a Blitzsneeze.
as a german: can confirm. this is what happens while coughing.
When someone in the supermarket coughs, I (a German) try to get as many aisles away from them as possible, so yes, can also confirm.
In aisle three da steht ein Röööselein, und das heißt Cooorona! 🎵
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You said stinky dick
Germans spread through the use of towels
The allies really could have used this intel during WWII
Besiegt ist besiegt.
Americans get up early, cover France in towels.
Checkmate.
Ich_ill :(
It's not a concern as long as they don't spread from the aisles into Poland
Who coughed in this comment section?
Nobody, it was from the next tread.
𝕯𝖎𝖊𝖘𝖊 𝕶𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖘𝖊𝖐𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 𝖎𝖘𝖙 𝖓𝖚𝖓 𝕰𝖎𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖚𝖒 𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝕭𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖘𝖗𝖊𝖕𝖚𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖐 𝕯𝖊𝖚𝖙𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖑𝖆𝖓𝖉
Verstörend.
Germans tend to be pretty heavy build too, pretty severe impact damage. Take cover.
That explains why I keep ending up in the candy section. It's not my fault after all.
Yes, I saw a German, in the first appearance of Corona, jumping over a shelf, because someone nearby was coughing.
Well I mean they are everywhere…
Aaa actung!
Unter dem post hier sind ungefähr etwas mehr als die Hälfte deutsch. Das lobe ich mir.
Why is this an issue? They’ve never caused any problems before
<3 (world wars)
To be fair, both where the fault of the Austrians. Getting kicked in the head by a kangaroo doesn't help with mental stability.
cough cough
Entschuldigung!
we need to call the chief sturgeon
Verboten!
During Covid they were talking about letting people back on planes if everyone wore a mask. I told a friend that's ridiculous, the total volume of air will be filled with corona virus, the mask doesn't stop the virus it just projects the virus upwards.
Friend lost his shit. Called me a science denier and legitimately thought I was a right wing lunatic. The guy is a Staff software engineer at Meta. We rarely talk anymore which is too bad but also maybe for the best.
So we're posting ancient memes again?
Ancient?! It clearly says "2 hours ago" ffs...
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This shows Daily Mail gets their scientific knowledge from Look Around You: https://youtu.be/RBLdG1TrxOM
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://piped.video/RBLdG1TrxOM
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
What's the cryptofascist equivalent of a Grauniad?
Luckily I have a gun in my trousers.