What ruins a burger?

The wrong kind of bread.

Capitalism.

McDonald's is pretty good at that.
Basically when the patty has been reduced the the thickness of a legal pad, you've long since lost the plot.
- A good smash patty is an exception.

Shredded lettuce.
I'm fine with leaf lettuce, but that shit just makes an unholy fucking mess.

Being so large you can't bite into it. Over cooked burger meat. Raw onions. Price.

Being too tall; I shouldn't have to unhinge my jaw to eat a burger.
- After a certain height you're supposed to eat them with a knife and fork.
  
  Sorry, new answer: "Eating it with a knife and fork."
  
  Absolutely not. They're burgers, the whole point is to eat them with your hands.
  
  5"9

Being $24.
- That's a normal price for a non-fastfood restaurant burger in Switzerland. I've seen up $36.
  
  Switzerland doesn't count, you also have 5x the salaries...
  
  I guess that depends whether it is pro made in restaurant or in street fast food. In Croatia you can get them in center of Zagreb walking down the street for as little as 3e and decent ones. On the other side, even in smaller cities, they are around $20 if you order one in a restaurant and chef is making them.
  
  Dang $36, sounds like I'm never visiting Switzerland. I recently had a monk friend living there who told me it was expensive. And Australia isn't that cheap itself.
  I stopped going to my local when the $6.50 burger with the lot went to $9aud. That was for a generic aussie fish n chip shop burger - tomatoe, lettuce, onion, beetroot, egg and meat patty. White bun and tomato sauce.
- While not ideal, a $24 dollar burger can be justified. I would be willing to pay $50 for the best burger of my life.

Somewhat controversially, an egg.
Like, a good, over medium egg? Okay I can do that. I hate a super runny, the yolk blasts you in the face like an unapologetic lover and leaves you to clean yourself up, egg in my burger.
In fact, anything that's made with your Instagram reel in mind. I don't want greasy buns, dripping yolks, and sauces pouring out. If you made a good, juicy burger you wouldn't need all that.
- I have never had a burger with a fried egg that really added anything to the equation. Anything the egg can do, the meat does better. It's just filler with very little flavor or texture.
  And that one time the chef made an amazing egg, it overpowered the burger and the entire equation flipped. Now there was no reason to include the hamburger patty.
- Oh man, do we have different tastes in burgers. Give me that dribbling barbecue, that A1 sauce, that honey mustard, that sunny side up egg, that rare and juicy burger, them pickles.
  I want a messy burger, one I gotta wash my hands off after.
- I love an egg on a burger, but I philosophically agree with your line of thinking.

Too many toppings max should be 4 including lettuce and tomato

Too many things in it.
Good burgers are simple. Bun, patty, maybe cheese, maybe onion, a little salad perhaps. And that's it.
Simple burgers really let the quality of the meat, the cooking, and the seasoning shine through. When that's good, you really don't need anything else.
When a burger is piled to the moon with bacon and guac and relish and six other toppings, you might as well have used the cheapest patty available because you can hardly taste it under all that.
- That's the beauty that is the frozen burger patty. I can toss them on a pan and melt a slice of cheese or two and then have the perfect vehicle for emptying my vegetable drawer and condiment shelf of leftovers.
  Or a fried egg, now that it is a delicacy.
  
  That's fair, I do that at home too - fried egg in a burger is great! At home I actually mostly use spicy veggie burgers rather than meat, done in the air fryer straight from the freezer.
  There's a time and a place for everything.
  But when I go out to a burger joint for some actual meat, simple and high quality is absolutely what I want :)
- Good point. Was gonna say just this but it wasn’t my top answer lol. Let the meat shine!
- Weird take. Sure, a quality burger's nice, but it's not pitching me over the moon. The beauty of the sandwich is the ability of adding toppings, and making a zesty burger that knocks your socks off with a cavalcade of flavors.
  If you like that patty so much, ditch the bun and have it straight. Basically, just eat a steak like you actually want to.

Not being fully cooked.

Overcooking. Most other things you can fix or cover but a charcoal lump burger is gon be one no matter how what you do.
- I hate that I have to cook my wife's burgers like this. I have to grossly overcook chicken for her too.
  
  If you aren't eating them, and it makes her happy, why the hell does it bother you?
  That's kinda of a red flag friend
  
  Can I ask what it is about burgers and chicken that require them to be so well done?

Soggy bun.

Soggy buns due to either failed to toast the inner side or having it sitting on the pass/heater for too long. Same applies to the meat side and the salad side achieving temperature equilibrium.
Too much height. If I have to disassemble the burger to put it in my mouth, it is not a burger anymore. It is just a mess then. Instead of two or three (or more!) patties stacked, try a bigger bun and an equally bigger patty. Or even a thinner bun to get the patty to bun ratio to what a triple patty burger would offer.

When the bun disintegrates. Usually, it's the too thin bottom half when way too much moisture is placed on it. You're left holding a mess in your hands. This is a failed combination. Don't use the cheapest buns and don't add a ton of watery crap.
At sit-down, non-fast food joints, the trend for over four decades now has been to overdo it with combinations that are more upscale. The ingredients are mostly fine, except for they stack all that shit too high. It's one more way the thing just immediately fails.

Lack of veggies, it needs lettuce and tomato at the very least
- Very true, a burger without them just tastes plain
- A man of culture!
- Is cheese a vegetable?
  
  No, but I can appreciate it on a burger

Too tall, my mouth can only open so wide and a burger I must struggle to consume is worse than a easier, albeit shittier burger.

Oversized ciabatta buns

broken glass, you rarely find it in burgers but it does ruin them?

Gentrification

Foot fungi.
- Number 15, Burger King foot lettuce
- spoiled burger? ruined burger.

Patties that are tall instead of wide

incorrect bun to burger ratio... too much, too little. there is a balance that must be achieved!
- I've rather too little bun than too much bun. I kind of like "trimming" a burger that sticks out too much. Especially if it's got crispy smash burger edges

is it okay to use downvotes for disagreement in this thread?
- It always is.
  
  so people seem to disagree with my question then :D

I recall vividly the burger place that came highly recommended by my sister and her then fiancée. They had eaten there on two previous occasions and they were particularly impressed by the quality of the buns that the burger place used. Sis and her SO are very aware of my appreciation for, as well of my critical attitude towards burgers. Suffice it to say, I was looking forward to trying a burger at this highly acclaimed joint.
So I reserved a table for one. I figured I should reduce distractions and go eat alone. I had to wait a couple of days, since the place was fully booked until Friday. When Friday evening came around, I was ready: I had made sure to eat only a light lunch and I had checked the menu beforehand so I knew exactly which burger I wanted (it was called the wrestler).
Service was great and the place had an atmosphere about it that fit wit a burger joint that takes its food seriously. Unfortunately, a guy at the table next to mine was being very loud which annoyed me. So I approached the waiter about this and he said not to let this man distract me from the fact that in 1998, the undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table.
- I've been bamboozled

Pickles. I hate them in burgers, but fine when eaten with other food.
- I don't like pickles as slices, but I dice them up small in my burger sauce and they work nicely.
- I don't hate them, I eat without problems outside the burgers. But I don't like them in that weird warm state that they get inside the burger.
- Came here to say this. For me, pickles overpower every other flavor in a burger.

Ketchup. I don't like ketchup.
Pickles. I LOVE pickles but keep them away from my burgers
- This is me😂
- I love dills on them, but for me bread and butter pickles ruin it for me
  
  I don't like the "snap" of pickles in a burg even though it's one of my favorite things about pickles

Cruelty, violence, atrocity, etc.

jack daniels based souce

Bacon! Even before I quit eating meat I hated bacon on my burgers, I'm an odd duck though.
Nowadays I'm a simple girlie: black bean patty, some veggie Texas chili, a dollop of green chili sauce, and a sprinkle of cotija is my perfect burger.
- My thing is when the bacon is still chewy, it needs to be kinda crisp so that it fragments instead of being this piece if leather that won't come loose.
- Damn that sounds fantastic!!

Arsenic

Rice
- And metal parts

Cucumbers, especially fresh ones instead of pickles.
Too large to eat without cutlery. Double, triple etc. burgers are stupid.
- Too large to eat
  You're supposed to slice them first!

avocado/guacamole
We go out and eat at a nearby restaurant with the office once a week and it's always a highlight when they have a burger on the menu. But like half the time they ruin it by adding guacamole.
- Yeah my issue with it is it can get kinda runny. Or if they use bad guac, like the kind from the stores

raw onion
- What? How?

I’ll pretty tolerant and will eat anything, but the easiest way to ruin a good burger is a soggy bun!

Being made in Europe pretty much destroyed the one I tried there

Pineapple slices or rucola
- Passionately disagree re the pineapple
  
  Get off my internet
  
  Oh no, the pineapple perverts have a new food to ruin! (Kidding, kind of)

Onions.

for me, lack of juicy toppings and sauces and spicy stuff.
- For me, juicy toppings or sauces or spicy stuff.
  (Ketchup being the exception that I do like)

Sliced tomatoes. One bite and that darn slice launches into orbit. (Or my lap)

American cheese

Ketchup! I haven’t put ketchup on a burger for a while and it’s a life decision I’ll never go back on

Tomatoes.

Killing a cow?
Nah we fixed that
Now it's mayo or those little tiny chopped onions

Breaded, deep fried cheese. It's just fat on fat on fat, and for some reason it's spammed in every burger where I live

Mayonnaise

Greenery.
- Same :)

Any burger that's not at least mostly pink in the center.
So fuck that "smashed" trash!!!
- Thank you! I hate when I ask for a burger rare and they say "oh, we only do smash burgers here." Then I know it's gonna be a gross fucking burger.
  Go rare or go home!
  
  Exactly! Talk to any real chef on burger cooking, and they will all emphasize not over working the meat... And these fucks are over here hitting it with a ball-peen hammer!

For me, a lot of things:
Ketchup
Mustard
Mayonnaise
Other sauces
Onions
Mushrooms
Pickles
Lettuce
Tomato
Other vegetables and/or fruits and/or fungi
My ideal burger is just bun, cheese, and patty, bacon optional.
- I didn't downvote you, but I understand the depths of your degeneracy and why you don't have any friends.
  
  Haha, I did not expect my opinion to be a popular one, which is partly why I shared it :)

ketchup

pickles
- bruh they're fucking essential

Pickles . They ruin EVERYTHING ‼‼‼‼‼‼‼
Soggy buns

Ridiculous bread. Just put it on a straight forward bun,not a fucking brioche