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8 comments
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Ok mate, heres the simplest thing to calm your body physically.
Breath in through your nose, out through your mouth. Normally, deliberately. Gonna puke? Same thing will stop you puking. Panicing about public speaking? See above.
Next, when it comes to learning to talk to ladies, or any human strangers, You have to practice.
Start small. Talk to the cashier about literally anything, what you bought, the weather, literally anything. Work your way up to a simple, "hows your day?"
Got that mastered?
Now talk to the old lady on your bus stop, she's got scary female chromosomes just like the girl youre crushing on.
Practice makes perfect and conversation is an art.
Youre not painting the Mono Lisa tomorrow, but you can color by numbers with the cashier at the grocery store.
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Love the Mona Lisa analogy!
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Dan Savage had some good advice a while back:
Your awkward/repulsive stage will pass. In the meantime, here’s what you need to do: worry less about getting your young teenage self laid and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and get yourself a body that girls will find irresistible, read—read books—so that you’ll have something to say to girls (the best way to make girls think you’re interesting is to actually be interesting), and get out of the house and do shit—political shit, sporty shit, arty shit—so that you’ll meet different kinds of girls in different kinds of settings and become comfortable talking with them.
It is much easier to talk to someone when you have something to talk about.
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You may have either an anxious or avoidant attachment style. You should read up on these to better understand what your triggers are and how to work past them.
Read the book: Attached. It may change your life. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9547888-attached
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Hey OP, you may wish to check out !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al and !askwomen@lemmy.ca
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Please note that !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al is a women-identifying community only.
!askwomen@lemmy.ca is where you would want to go. 👍
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I don't think I can really offer you any useful advice since I have never dealt with this. But I noticed you're in therapy, that's great. I couldn't help but see that you wrote this:
those who love get screwed. so i must not get close to anyone i love
i have no support network therefore i will be badly hurt when this ends, and almost everything ends
I think these 2 statements are contradictory, or at least will prevent you from progressing emotionally while you hold both to be true. I would really recommend that you talk about these 2 things with your therapist.
Building a support network, even online, even with just 1 other person, even with people you don't feel comfortable telling "everything" to, could really benefit you. But your current relationship style is holding you back from that, which seems like a Catch-22 that a professional might be able to help with.
Please take care, it must be horrible to experience what you've described. I imagine that it's taking a large toll on you physically and emotionally, so try to go easy on yourself.
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These are normal reactions that a lot of people experience. It's not easy to put yourself out there.
I think it's healthy to spend time finding your "tribe" and putting as much effort into that as you put into interpersonal relationships. Find something to be your third place away from home and work/school.
8 comments