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spaffel @spaffel.social

1d ago

Happy Balloons

40 comments

I am so fucking tempted right now. To the point of maybe next time I'm at a party supply store. To purchase one of them helium to go tanks and couple packs of balloons. I know I stand a slight chance of absolutely fucking up some ones day. But before that dread will kick in.... I WILL be absolutely laughing my fucking head off with the guys to the point of needing to try to stop the funny because I'm gasping for air.
- The blast blasted blubber beyond all believable bound. Is a magic incantation that will make you pee your pants.

'sure that happened' but moving on from that and taking it from a comedic stance: The absolute chaos of balloon harnessed roadkill just floating into traffic idk, fucking amazing mental picture there, lmfao. Or just dropping in front of a school bus and splattering on the windshield, children screaming, etc. There's def a couple comedy sketches that could be done there.
- So, Sir, you're trying to tell me the deer that's lodged into your grill was already dead and "floated" into the road. Sure. Let's go down to the station for an extended drug screening.
  
  I wonder how much a weather ballon could lift?…..
  
  Amazing, haha

I didn't understand any of that.
What is a wet specimen? Wouldn't it take a bunch of balloons to float roadkill?
Why is a wet specimen and flying roadkill similar?
- A normal-size balloon of helium can lift about 10 grams. Hares can be about 4 kilograms. Totally doable but that's a lot of time, balloons and helium to just waste!
  Anyway, here are some more species and approximate adult weight when alive:
  Bug (windshield): 0.1 g
  Frog: 20 g
  Mouse: 20 g
  Snail: 25 g
  Hedgehog: 600 g
  Rabbit: 1 kg
  Cat: 4 kg
  Moose: 600 kg
  
  You don't need a whole rabbit - half of a rabbit is just as much roadkill.
  
  c/theyalmostdidmath ?
  
  So you can lift a dead moose with 60 000 ballons?
- a wet specimen is a dead creature preserved in liquid
- I'll do you one better: what's roadkill?
  
  Dinner.
  
  Animals that have been hit, and killed, by cars.

Can you imagine the confusion of a dead animal just falling in your front yard and witnessing that? This coworker's spawning a whole ass religion

Now I need to know how many dollar store balloons it takes to float a raccoon.
- Somewhere between 500 and 2000, or more depending on weight.
  
  Yeah I knew anything bigger than a squirrel would require something ridiculous. I'm thinking even a squirrel would set you back a bit given the scarcity and price of helium. The balloon is the cheap part.
  
  There's a lot of optimization that can be done to make OEM raccoons flight worthy.

...I need to get funnier coworkers.

No, I think he's got a point

i am thoroughly disturbed

40 comments