What weird idioms/phrases does your language have?

There's a bunch of weird ones in Portuguese.

"Caroço de manga não é sabonete" Do you think that mango seed is soap? = "this is an absurd proposal/situation/etc."
"Pobre só sobe na vida quando o barraco explode" Poor people only ascend on life when the [shit]shack explodes. = "don't expect social ascension"
"Enquanto vem com o milho, já comi a polenta." While you're bringing the corn, I already ate the polenta. = "I've already handled this, you're too late."
"um polaco de cada colônia" a Pole from each settlement = a bunch of randomly picked people or items. I don't think that people use this too much outside Paraná.
"farinha do mesmo saco" flour from the same bag = extremely similar in some aspects that matter (and usually negative ones)
"comer o pão que o diabo amassou" to eat the bread kneaded by the devil = to go through rough times
"Vai chupar prego até virar tachinha!" Go suck an [iron] nail until it becomes a thumbtack! = somewhat polite way to tell someone to fuck off
"Vai ver se estou na esquina." *Go check if I'm around the corner." = also a way to tell people to fuck off
"anta quadrada" squared tapir = "anta" tapir is used to call someone stupid, so anta quadrada is stupid to the power of two.
"anta cúbica" cubed tapir = because some people do some really, really stupid shit.
"mais louco que o Requião de pedalinho" crazier than Requião on a paddle boat = Requião is a politician here in Paraná known for his crazy antics. The phrase highlights that something is completely fucking crazy. Clearly local.
"teu cu" your arse[hole] = definitively, clearly, and blatantly "no".

Czech has a lot of them!

Dělá z komára velblouda.
He's making a camel out of a mosquito.
= He's making it seem like a bigger problem than it is.

Nemaluj čerta na zeď.
Don't draw an imp on the wall.
= Don't be pessimistic. Don't assume the most catastrophic scenario.

Jsem tam pečený vařený.
I'm there baked cooked.
= I go there a lot.

Dala mi košem.
She hit me with a basket.
= She dumped me, or rejected my (mostly romantic) offer or advances.

Dělá jako by se nechumelilo.
He's pretending like it's not heavily snowing.
= He's pretending like something doesn't concern him. He's nonchalant about a serious situation.

Kápni božskou!
Drip the divine! (Object implied. Probably "the divine truth")
= Tell the truth. Spill it.

Láme to přes koleno.
He's breaking it over his knee.
= He's forcing it.

Natáhnout bačkory / brka, zaklepat bačkorama
To stretch (one's) slippers / quills, to tap with (one's) slippers
= To die. To kick the bucket.

Padli jsme si do oka.
We fell into each other's eye.
= We hit it off.

Rozumí tomu jako koza petrželi.
He understands it like a goat understands parsley.
= He doesn't understand it.

Přišel jsem s křížkem po funuse.
I came with a little cross after the funeral.
= I came too late.

Házím perly sviním.
I'm throwing pearls to swines.
= I'm doing good work or acts of kindness that go underappreciated.

And I could go on :)

In Australia people who mean business say "I'm not here to fuck spiders." I think that's just wonderful.

In America we express suffering beyond words by saying we're "living the dream". And the Brits think we have an irony deficiency.

Aussie subtleties of the c-word.

“Silly Cunt” = funny person (endearing)
“Stupid Cunt” = complete idiot (serious)
“Dumb Cunt” = a good mate acting stupid (jovial)
“This Cunt” = referring to a good mate who’s done/said something uniquely odd (jovial)
“Acting like a Cunt” = acting terribly (serious)
“Don’t be a Cunt” = stop acting terribly (serious)
“Bunch of Cunts” = all your good mates (endearing)
“Good Cunt” = the best compliment you can receive (endearing)
“Dog Cunt” = the worst insult you can receive (get ready to fight)
“Shit Cunt” = insult (serious)
“Bit of a Cunt” = insult (jovial)

Here are some useful Australian phrases:

Flat out like a lizard drinking (working hard)
we’re not here to fuck spiders (you’re wasting time, get on with the work)
40¢ short of a shout (not quite right in the head)
How’d you be? (Are you well?)
Living the dream (I am well, thank you)
See you when I’m looking at you (goodbye)

One of my favorite examples in (American) English has to be "There's more than one way to skin a cat"; meaning there are multiple viable strategies for the task or problem at hand.

I never really appreciated how morbid it is until I saw the shocked face of a fluent but non-native english speaking colleague after using it in a meeting.

"食西北風" (Cantonese, "eat north-west wind") or "喝西北風" (Mandarin, "drink north-west wind"). It originally means having no food or drink, in other words, starving.

The meaning of this phrase is further extended to "running out of business".

This is also partially where my username came from.

Danish is full of idioms. Some people can have entire conversations using only idioms.

Some of the peculiar ones with animals:

"There's no cow on the ice" = it's not urgent.

"The goat has been shaved " = the job is complete.

"A dog in a game of bowling " = someone that doesn't fit in.

"The dog is buried there" = the problem is found there.

This is a broad format, but I like the American English formula of "Well, blank my blank and call me a blank!" to express "oh wow, I did not expect that!"

Typically in my experience, it is pretty vulgar. Eg: "well, slap my ass and call me a bitch!"

(American) English ones that come to mind:

it's raining cats and dogs (it's pouring rain)
I really shit the bed on this one (I fucked up really bad -not sure how widespread this is)
a turd in the punch bowl (someone is singlehandedly ruining something, usually an event)
don't blow smoke up my ass (be honest with me)
a walk in the park (pleasant/easy task)

Anybody here ever think about the etymology of the word "ok"?

Supposedly it started as an abbreviation of "oll korrect" and became popular in the 1840's during a fad of abbreviating words a lot like we have "lol" or "omg" today. Then the abbreviation took on its own meaning and became one of the most widely used words to be borrowed by other languages, with a near universal meaning.

Now it even has its own word based on the pronunciation of the abbreviation, "okay".

The equivalent of that would be if the word "lol" became synonymous with laughter over the next 150 years to the point where the words "laugh out loud" look alien and outdated.

Germany, Hesse. We have some ... interesting regional idioms Examples:

Furz mit Krücken (a fart with crutches) - a really stupid idea that's bound to fail
Eine Gardinenpredigt halten (to hold a curtain preach) - to rant / tell someone off in a loud and angry way
Das macht den Bock auch nicht fett (that doesn't fatten up the billy goat either) - somehing doesn't matter anymore
Das Kind ist in den Brunnen gefallen (the child fell into the well) - something bad has already happened, intervening isn't possible anymore, the only option is to deal with the consequences.
Besser als in die hohle Hand geschissen (better than shitting into your hollow hand) - better than nothing
Auf dem Zahnfleisch kriechen (to crawl on your gums) - to be totally exhausted
Klappe zu, Affe tot (hatch closed, monkey dead) - this is the end of the discussion
Passt wie die Faust aufs Auge (like a fist fits the eye) - a perfect match. Another variant is "Passt wie Arsch auf Eimer" (fits like a butt on a bucket)
Eine Laus über die Leber gelaufen (A louse walked across your liver) - to be annoyed and failing to hide it
Einen Besen fressen (to eat a broom) - exclamation of disbelief ("If that is really true, I'm going to eat a broom")
Der hat Haare auf den Zähnen (he has hair on his teeth) - he is stubborn and loud about it
Das Leben ist wie's ist, wer nen scheppen Arsch hat, hat nen scheppen Schiss. (Life is life, a person with a sideways arse poops sideways turds) - stop complaining about stuff you can't change. "Schepp" is "schief", but said with a dialect.
Wie der Och's wenns blitzt (like an ox when lightning strikes) - to stare dumbfounded into space, usually because you don't understand something / are surprised
Einbildung ist auch eine Bildung (delusion is also a form of education) - when someone is dumb but so full of themselves that they don't realize HOW dumb they are. "Einbildung" and "eine Bildung" sound very similar.
Wer im Glashaus sitzt, soll nicht mit Steinen werfen (if you sit in a glass house, don't throw stones) - don't gossip about others when you're also guilty of the thing you want to gossip about
Am Arsch die Waldfee (by the butt of the forest fairy) - "This is ridiculous and I refuse to believe it" Another variant is "Am Arsch die Räuber" (by the butts of the robbers)
Himmel, Arsch und Zwirn! (heaven, ass and twine!) - for fuck's sake!
Herr, schmeiss Hirn vom Himmel! (Lord, throw a brain down from the Heavens!) - when you're frustrated with someone really stupid. Another variant is "Herr, schmeiss Hirn vom Himmel - oder Steine, Hauptsache du triffst!" (Lord, throw a brain down from the Heavens - or rocks, as long as you hit your mark!)
Nicht mein Affe, nicht mein Zirkus (not my monkey, not my circus) - This is not my responsibility, go ask someone else
Wie ein Affe auf einem Schleifstein (like a monkey sitting on a grindstone) - you're sitting weird
Das gleiche in Grün (the same, but green) - two things are essentially the same
Zum Mäusemelken (like milking mice) - something is complicated and frustrating
Ich hab schon Pferde vor der Apotheke kotzen sehen (I've seen horses barf in front of a pharmacy) - I've seen weirder things in my life

I've been learning Scots gaidhlig which has some really great ones:

As happy as a mouse in a loaf (really happy)

As happy as a shoe (not happy at all)

As fat as a seal (very fat)

As full as an egg (couldn't be fuller)

As wet as a cormorant (soaked)

As bald as a shinty ball (hairless)

There are many others.

In the Sesotho language of Lesotho, if you say to someone, "I'm not your mother", it's a terrible insult.

Another insult of equal vehemence is, "you are like a cat that jumps across a ravine and scribbles up the other side".

People in the village I lived in told me that either of these could result in someone being killed.

Ireland and particularly the Irish language (Gaeilge) has a lot of them.

My favourite one in Irish is

"Tá mé ar mhuin na muice" which literally means "Im on the pigs back" This means that you are well or that you are having a good day etc. Sometimes people will jokingly say this in English too, usually to friends family etc

"How are you today?" "I'm on the pigs back"

There's loads of other ones too that people say, many of which probably have roots in the Irish language but we don't know since the Brits made it illegal to speak Irish during their rule of Ireland.

"You're gas!" They are very funny. Sometimes used in addition to craic (craic, pronounced Crack, is an Irish word for good natured shenanigans or fun) You could say "They are gas craic all together" Meaning this person or people is exceptionally funny or enjoyable to be around.

Some others

"I will in me hole" I will not do that

"I will, yeah!" I will not do that

"It's mighty tack" Of good quality

"Ah sure, you know yourself now" Kind of like saying 'thats how it is I guess'

"If there was work in the bed, he'd sleep on the floor" This person is very lazy

"She'd pull up floorboards looking for pipe" This woman is promiscuous/ horny

"Tis steep enough" Said when commenting about the price of something being high

"There's an aul nip in the breeze" Said if it is somewhat cold outside

"Tis fierce close" It's warm/ humid outside

"It's Baltic" The weather is very cold

"It's a massive day" It's sunny and pleasant outside

"He's a bit of a black guard" (black guard, pronounced 'blaggard') This person is silly, funny or may not be trust worthy

"I battered him" I physically beat him up

"He's an awful messer" This person is playful, foolish or silly

"I'm wrecked" I'm tired

"I'm tipping away" Usually said in response to 'how are you?' It means I'm doing okay, taking it easy

"How's she cutting?" How is it going/ how has your day been

"Now we're sucking diesel!" Now we are doing well! Can sometimes be used as an exclamation when something goes well. If you fixed a problem or are making good progress.

"I'd do be at that the whole time" I do something regularly or habitually. Sometimes shortened into fewer sounds/syllables, sounding something 'I'd-d'be at dat the whole time' though that would usually be an older person with a very strong accent. Most Irish people these days would have a comparitively mild accent.

"Tis pure shite" It's very bad/ of poor quality

"A sniper wouldn't take her out" This person is unattractive

"He'd get up on a gust of wind" This person is very horny/ promiscuous

"I'm as sick as a small hospital" I am very unwell

"I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes" Also means I am unwell. Older people like to travel to places of religious significance hoping for a miracle to heal them if they are sick or unwell.

"I'm as shook as a hand at mass" I am very stressed/ tired/ worn out. Comes from 'offering a sign of peace' in Catholic mass, where you shake the hands of everyone sitting next to you, in front and behind you.

There's a ton of others. They can also be quite regional. I'm from Cork in the south of the country, so these ones tend to be more popular here. There are other ones more commonly used elsewhere in Ireland.

Here in Colombia they say “don’t give papaya”. It basically means don’t give thieves an opportunity to steal from you. Shit like ‘don’t leave your bike unlocked while you grab a soda from the store’. If you do leave it out it’s “giving papaya”. No clue where it comes from.

Also when people split the cost of something it’s called making a cow. “Do you guys want to make a cow for some beers and food? Yeah let’s do it”

Swedish

I suspect there are owls in the bog (jag anar ugglor i mossen) means something is really fishy or suspicious.

Now you have really shit in the blue cupboard (nu har du verkligen skitit i det blå skåpet) means that you have done something that's so far out of line or with such dire consequences that there is no return away from this. Kinda like a harder way of saying "now you've done it".

To throw water on a goose (Slå vatten på en gås) means to say something that won't be comprehended or taken seriously by the recipient at all, either because of stupidity or because they are too locked in their mindset.

Some in Swedish but I'll write down the literal translations first. Some I can't even begin to explain... kind of just have to be Swedish to get them

To cook soup on a nail. (Something impossible and ridiculous, can be used both seriously and ironically)

Clean as a watch (a smart solution, or good response to a problem can be, "clean as a watch". The expression is never used to actually describe something that's literally clean)

A bear favor (doing someone a favor that will do more harm than good, i.e. doing someone's homework for them)

In the time of the Duke. (When something was just in time)

Ice in the stomach (to keep your cool and be patient)

Fire for the crows (Being wasteful with fuel, you're basically just keeping your roof warm and cozy on the outside for the birds)

Acting like a larvae (being ridiculous and/or childish, not taking something seriously when you should)

And if you got this far down, I've got Spanish speaking extended family who sometimes call me what I've been told, literally means "lightbulb thief" (cause I'm tall I guess) but I forgot the Spanish word. Maybe someome can help me out with that.

In Denmark we have a bunch of weird ones: When there isn't a problem: "There is no cow on the ice"/ Der er ingen ko på isen

When you're helping someone when it would be better they did it themselves you're doing them "a bears favor" / en bjørnetjeneste

When you want it both ways but cant: "You want to blow with flour in your mouth" / blæse med mel i munden. This always made more sense to me than the english, you cant have your cake and eat it too.

When something is complete gibberish, it "sounds like volapyk" / lyder som volapyk. Volapyk is an actual made-up language like esperanto. incedentaly the same expression also exists in Esperanto

and i'm sure there is more

My favourite Aussie idiom is "We're not here to fuck spiders." Meaning that we are trying to do some work, stop fucking around.

Not mine, but I used to have a coworker from Romania who'd say, "Of course, white horse!"

Lithuanian here.

"Neperšokęs griovio, nesakyk 'op'“ (Don't say 'op' before you jump over the ditch) Don't brag about doing something before you did it.

"Bala nematė" (The swamp didn't see) When you are facing a dilemma and decide to just do something.

"Man šakės" (It's the pitchfork for me) Basically means “I'm fucked"

"Pagauti kampą" (To catch the corner) To understand something.

"Stogas važiuoja" (The roof is going away) Used to refer to someone who's going crazy.

"Pilstyti iš tuščio į kiaurą" (To pour from an empty one into a leaky one) to speak in meaningless statements.

"Pjauti grybą" (To cut the mushroom) to talk nonsense, or do meaningless tasks.

"Nevynioti žodžių į vatą" (Not to roll words into cotton wool) to speak directly and honestly.

"Palikti ant ledo" (To leave someone on ice) To ghost or abandon someone.

"Aiškintis santykius" (To clarify relations) To have a fight.

“Rodyti ožius" (To show the goats) To act stubborn.

In Brazil there's "cuspido e escarrado" (spitted and sneezed) which means that a person looks like a doppelganger of another, often a kid and their parents.

Aussie here. Our entire dialect is one weird idiom.

A great Australian one that doesn't involve spiders or cunts is "tell 'im he's dreamin'", usually said in a real broad accent (you can change the pronouns around what more matters is the way you say it). Usually used whenever someone's asking too much money for something but can also be used for when someone's asking for too much in general and basically means "are you fucking kidding me that's way too expensive". It's from a great movie called The Castle. It also gave us the saying "[this is going] straight to the pool room" meaning "shit this is really nice thanks" (because the pool room is where you put your trophies and whatnot) but I think that's a little less common.

On the other side of the globe, Norway uses "Texas" to mean "crazy weird shit". There's also "kamelåså" which generally means "unintelligible (like a Danish person)" which is from this great comedy sketch about Denmark that's so good NRK decided they had to translate it into English just so people could make fun of Danish internationally (The untranslated bits are just danish sounding gibberish)

In Germany, we have:

"To not have all mugs in the cupboard anymore" ("Nicht mehr alle Tassen im Schrank haben") which translates to doing something incredibly stupid/crazy

"To search yourself a wolf" ("sich einen Wolf suchen) which means to search for something extensively and in the end unsuccesfully.

"To add one additional tooth" ("einen Zahn zulegen"), meaning to hurry, to do something faster.

"To defeat your inner pigdog" ("seinen inneren Schweinehund besiegen" - to get over one's lazyness, to stop procrastinating

One American one I like is "I'm going to see a man about a horse" in regards to going to the bathroom.

When we need to count slowly we'll go one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, and so on.

Idioms is basically how French was built https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/Appendix:French_idioms

"public static void main string args", which translates to "i am going to start speaking now"

Not mine but I had a Dutch professor who would say "it's like washing duck's feet" to refer to something that was a pointless exercise or wasted effort. I always thought it was funny but can't find anything on the Internet about it now so perhaps it's not very common.

I'm not Thai, but they have an idiom that something will happen one afternoon in their next reincarnation.

For German, there is a really cool series of YouTube Shorts starting with this one:

https://youtube.com/shorts/Cod-d9hh55c?si=f481mc2DC0uYQTEt

english:

"daddy" is some older man you're sexually attracted to

also, "daddy" is your biological father

In Czechia we have some interesting phrases about other countries: It's a Spanish village to me - I don't understand it. (For example I don't know how to program, it's a Spanish village for me.) He drinks like a person from Denmark - He drinks a lot of alcohol.

Not sure if it's a popular idiom or something my mom made up, but she would always say, "mas fácil cuadrar 100 micos para un foto".

It literally translates to "easier to gather 100 monkeys for a photo", and she used it whenever something was particularly difficult.

"yeah nah" - "that is a bad idea/I don't want to do that"

As in "hey mate, want to skive off and grab a quick one while the boss is away?" "Yeah nah, got too much stuff to do aye".

Contrast with the less common formation "yeah nah, yeah" - "that is a bad idea but I want to do it anyway"