2d ago

Vacationing - Does it get easier?

Currently on vacation with our almost 3 years old daughter in Costa Rica. I feel like I haven't really gotten to explore this country as I usually like to on my own terms. The activities that we do find for her, often are a failure resulting in a melt down and she just wants to go back to the hotel. She doesn't even want to play on the beach or at the pool. This trip in Costa Rica she's been a complete home body, trips outside have been a melt down. So this leads me to the main question.

Does it get easier as they get older? Please tell me it gets easier...

We've done a fair bit of traveling with her already. Cabo when she was 10 months old, visiting family members in NY, MA and SC multiple times per year. She's a great flyer, so no worries there. But when we're at the destination, everything is very much centered and catered to her. I get it, she's a toddler.

Photography is a hobby of mine, but it's impossible to do any sort of composition with a camera while a wiggling child is hanging off my shoulder. We have grandparents traveling with us this trip, and they've sometimes been helpful for an hour or two but...man kids are a lot of work. I may need to work with my partner on building in a solo vacation for myself occasionally because traveling to new places with a kid kind of sucks.

Rant over.

11 comments

Can you bring extended family to help with child care? It is a huge difference when grandma or grandpa can hang back for an afternoon with your toddler. Gives you some mental breathing room.
I have a vacation with our toddler planned for after she turns 3. I have already frontloaded this emotionally as a "work vacation". I will still enjoy myself! However, I know going in, there will be no downtime and to focus on things my husband and I will enjoy with our daughter. Rather than making it the toddler show when she will probably remember at best 1 thing from this vacation.

Yes, it does. I have a 16 and 10 years old currently. Traveling when rhe first one was 1-5 yo was pretty awful. He didn't travel well, was hyper picky about food and refused to sit in a stroller. So the trips we took were exhausting and sometimes felt like a waste of time and money. It didn't help that we knew he wouldn't even remember those experiences.
So we waited. We did mini trips here and there to at least go pseudo-travel but never far from home in case the experience went south. When the youngest was 7 or 8ish we knew we could start really traveling again. And we've done great ever since.
So yeah, kind of like my hobbies, travel had to be shelved until it became practical again.

My daughter is 14. I went to an art museum with just me and my mother late last year and it was amazing how I could actually stop and look at things.
So to answer your question: yes, but not easier enough.

Yeah, first few years going to the beach my son just laid under an umbrella on a towel and wanted to watch blippi. He came out of it.
Vacations with kids need to come with certain expectations and limitations on your part, but as they get older and you do it more often, it gets better and better. Hang in there!!

I'm kind of in a similar position as you, I was solo traveling and specifically for doing photos as a hobby photographer before. My wife had a 6 years old when I met her and traveling with her was no problem at all. I still could take my camera with me and take great photos, even though it had to be faster because I didn't want them to wait for me on every corner for minutes to get my composition and the light ready.
But since the little one arrived, and he is now 2 years old, I haven't taken a single good photo because there is no possibility to concentrate an that at all. Before he was born I even bought a new camera because I thought great, there will be many opportunities for pictures. But I'm only taking snapshots with it :D
And similar here, he hates it to sit in the stroller. What we changed is that once we arrive at the destination we rent a car and have it for the full time. This way the car is like a mini-hotel where we can go and where his stuff is with us and he doesn't need to walk very far and when he is sleepy he can sleep in the car, there are snacks and toys and water, etc.
Seldom, but sometimes we split and half of the family does something while he and the other parent stay in the car for half an hour and listen to music, sleep or just play. This is a mini version of what you're proposing as this solo vacation and both of us can have it while we're already at the destination ^^.
- I identify with this soooo much. I was solo traveling back in 2016 and 2017 and was taking so many pictures. Then I had a kid in 2022, figured I'd get a fancy new 25mm f2 Zeiss as well to start documenting, but my phone has been my main camera these past few years. The saying goes, the best camera is the one that you have on you at the moment.
  I appreciate the perspective. Good point about the car as well! I was more just hoping to air some grievances with a toddler who's been a home body this whole trip. I get it though, you have to meet them where they are. Just needed to vent after being frustrated at my lack of adventure these past few days.

Easier, yes. That's honestly not a great age to have taken a kid on that kind of trip. Beginning to test boundaries, yet still too young to really have perspective on why the trip is special or even to really remember it. We made that mistake with my daughter's first trip to Disney. She had a ton of fun, but does she remember a bit of it? Nope, and there are fuzzy but incredibly positive memories of other days that cost 1/10th the time and cost. 🤣
Even when they're older, kids will always have a different take, which isn't always going to be controlling and which shouldn't dissuade you from taking them on things that will be meaningful (or even just things where it's more for you but they might still enjoy), but you do have to account for it. One of my fondest memories as a kid a good bit older than yours was going on a business trip with my dad to a Holiday Inn in Little Rock Arkansas, because it had an indoor mini-golf course and some arcade games. Meanwhile, I mostly recall camping trips as a buggy beat-down.

It's a bit tricky to answer your prompt depending on what exactly you're looking for with "better":
every child is different as you know, but accepting that what other parents/kids can do at even the same age and expecting your child to manage/perform the same is folly. Your child at 3 is ages ahead of others being able to fly successfully.
I think of trips in terms of who they are for, and sometimes something that a parent wants or needs (which are still valid) is not something a child at x age can enjoy, appreciate, engage in, etc. if I want to go on a backpacking trip with a 5y/o, understand it'll probably be miserable and leave them out. If you need time to photograph, be an adult and not take care of the constant needs of a little one for a few days or more, it's OK to block out the time for an experience without them. It's as normal as not taking them to a bar to meet your friends to catch up for a drink; it's not for them and they don't make sense there.
combined trips with kids are fun, but you have to weigh what is for them and what isn't. We try to do a balance and sometimes are pretty successful. We have had success getting our child to enjoy things other kids their age might not, but it's not a guarantee or a competition, it's pretty organic and is usually built over time
speaking of "built over time", one of the biggest things is to know your kid. Do they like to look at pictures on their own? Paint? Then you can probably make a museum work and can engage them in the content in some ways, but yes it'll be very different than discussing with an adult only at the museum.
Whatever your vacation/trip/activity I'd just try to have in my head who is getting what out of it, and communicate/acknowledge it from the start--though frankly 3 is young to be able to have a kid emotionally appreciate "the next 2 hours at the museum for mom/Dad is because there is a great exhibit with my favorite artist" type conversations. If they aren't ready for that, still go, but you can't take them and expect the kid to miraculously be ready for it and not be themselves and their age. You mentioned the 3 year old not appreciating hanging out on the beach...they don't work or go to school so lying around is boring for them while it's vital for older people.
Overall, know your needs and your kid's, your kids emotional state, interests and maturity level and plan accordingly. If the child isn't ready for certain things, it's your job as a parent to make that call for their and your benefit. You'll enjoy what you need and have more energy to appreciate activities with them where their needs lie when you do things in their space.

As another commenter mentioned, it does get easier. You may want to put off big trips for a few years (or arrange solo or couple trips with just your partner if you can). Otherwise, you'll need to go into it with different expectations for the time being--vacation with a toddler is often more work and stress than being at home. You can work with your partner to ensure each of you has some actual vacation time, but most of the trip will feel like work.
For a toddler, most things in the world are new. New sounds, smells, sights, people.... it gets overwhelming for them very quickly. As adults, there's less "new" for our brains to process, and we're better at relating to things from a broader range of experiences. But if you've ever gone somewhere you don't speak the language for an extended time and felt the weariness that comes with that, you'll have an idea of how your toddler feels any time you leave the hotel (which is likely the most familiar place to them).
Try to keep that in mind when planning vacations. Going with familiar people, like their grandparents, can be very helpful--both for having them watch the kids here and there, and also to have additional familiar faces. Bring a box of their favorite snacks, and some familiar toys and activities they enjoy at home. It's still a lot of work, but it might be marginally better.

I took two international trips with my now 3yo, one to Thailand and one to Bali, when she was one 1/4 and one 3/4. She was pretty happy both trips except some of the longer flights. I decided not to do longer flights while she is toddler age, so we have only done domestic trips this past year, and fortunately she has been pretty good, but I do centre everything around her, and I'm a single parent. I'm waiting till she is probably or 5 for anything longer now, and can recommend the book Hunt Gather Parent for general parenting advice, though the style is a bit annoying I think a lot of the advice is sound.

You have family in ma, consider a storyland trip for the kid (new Hampshire), and you can do some nature photography around Mount Washington. (Assuming that's your thing ). If you prefer not nature, there are a few neat trains up there also, both in the Conway scenic rail and the Mt Washington cog.
Plan to run off for some you time ( or you and partner time if you can swing it)
Yes it does get easier, but it gets easiest when they like the same hobbies (or complementary hobbies, like bird watching ).

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