How do you do it?

hobbies are pointless because there’s just no improvement past certain point anyway

This is false for two reasons. One, "hobbies" aren't just for improvement. They're for fun, to express yourself and make something you find valuable. And two, there is improvement if you tackle increasing challenges.

I guess I'm lucky because I'm obsessed with my personal projects. They give my life structure. I'm not getting any interviews, not making any money, but I'm motivated every day by the ambitious projects I work on.

Hello, it is me with burnout. It's hard to keep up with everything. But I think I have been in a similar place.

What do you mean no career prospects? I'm the type of autistic that misses social queues but is really good at systemizing, so I'm a great person at making sure stuff "behind the scenes" gets done. (Sure, I talk to other team members but I make minimal appearances to clients.) Do you have any ideas as to how your strengths can work well in a role?

And for hobbies, that's my shit right there. I don't have to be good at it, I just have to like it. That's the point imo. To be fair, it is sometimes hard to get into a hobby of mine because I don't have to focus on doing it at the time. Or I might want to "step it up" but my ADHD makes it difficult to follow through.

It's constant hurt if you're in a place where you don't fit in. Believe me, I know. We can't change the world overnight, but is there something you can focus on that you can change? Can you streamline something in your own home to be less hostile to your brain, like putting up curtains or organizing your clothes so getting dressed in the morning is easier? Can you make any decisions on how you interact with the world outside of your home that will make things easier?

I try to even play my own strengths to defeat my weaknesses. My ADHD makes it hard for me to get started on a task. It also makes it hard to stay on the task if I hit a snag. What helps is structure... Which I am great at giving myself because of autism. My bathroom is really well organized, so I am on top of making sure I never run out of anything and it's easy to find anything I need (because it all has a place).

I would also give yourself some breaks. Even just a small break will help your brain out so so much.

Lastly, this growth will take time. It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to need some time to learn and perfect something. It's ok to need to take a break.

One thing to consider is having a reason to live. Find something you care about or are interested in an leverage that interest.

Think of it like a car. Making explosions doesn't actually do anything for us in terms of getting somewhere, so we have to make a complex machine to turn that force into motion. I have an interest in electronics, so making electronic things to, for example, weigh my washing basket to tell me when to put on a load will turn some of that interest into activity.

As for nobody getting it, my partner does. They are my rock and they need me, so double win there. When I am having overwhelm they don't judge or condemn, they actually understand and help me find my calm and get things sorted. It took a lot of luck to find my partner and years of working together to be functional but now we are like an engine and a gearbox. They help me convert my efforts into useful stuff. They also help me know when to take a break and rest. Maybe something similar can exist for you?

Im in the same spot that you're in, but one month into actually trying to change my situation with employment, therapist, psychiatrist, and have scheduled a neruo psych exam for early this year so that I can get access to ADHD meds.

TLDR in separate comment as a reply to this one

(Ill deceide what i want to try after i get the results. I have adhd and probably high masking autism. My older brother has the official diagnosis and my dad displays the same symptoms that I do, so statistically I probably have the 'tism)

Ive been working on my mental self for over 4 years at this point with the perspective of having ADHD. I self discovered the autism late summer 2024 and have been working on acquiring traits/skills with that perspective for the past month to support the audhd.

Main skill ive discovered is to listen my body's subtle signs when and why im internally screaming and having a mini melt down. I check in with myself by asking the question 'would I feel happier if I could go to the car to scream over whatever I'm freaking out about?'

A trigger for a check in is mild tingles of discomfort or when my brain feels whelmed by my surroundings. This takes time and I'm on year 3 or 4 working on this skill. I treat the skill as a hobby and celebrate each time I notice.

Identify the situation, what's the root cause of stopping me and what's some options to thinking over time that will help? Thinking of solutions to the barrier of entry is the first step to doing an action. Just gotta break it down until it's digestible for my own self.

Am I frustrated that I can't do something perfectly/will doing something perfectly over good enough with a place holder until I get pissed off again enough to deal with that specific mini task at a later time if ever?

What's blocking my road? My brain or the task itself? Can I adhd set myself up for success for completion of the task at a different time? Take advantage of the structure you crave to figure out what is missing that would help you.

You gotta create your own dopamine with a quick 'whoo hooo! fist pump' since your brain can't as a reward. It feels dumb, but you're practicing the traits of a happy person and eventually you'll look for the small things in life to celebrate 🥳 for that quick dopamine boost. It's fun honestly plus trait acquiring can become a special interest/hobby.

Goal is to ease the barrier to start (and celebrate starting) instead of making the effort to even start too emotionally draining. And identify the self-guilt (that's been bred from an unfriendly society about performing correctly perfectly 100% of the time) that has impeded my ability to actually address my needs to achieve sustainable success for myself.

Career wise, see if you can try to land a job somewhere quite that doesn't require a whole lot of socializing. To statisfy the 'tism, your job should provide the structure in your life that you will crave. To satisfy the ADHD, you can do whatever you want during the day and change what you need to do on the fly. There's controlled chaos in doing errands early in the morning after work on the way back to cut down on how often you gotta leave the house, or after you wake up from the deep sleep. Invest in an eye mask (i can recommend one if ya want) and make sure to get an hour or two nap in before work. ADHD allows us to take advantage of falling asleep anytime anywhere and if that fails, there's always the devils lettuce. Just don't do it too often if possible because it does impact your brain's ability to reset while sleeping and the quality of rest. You get to decide if your free time is in the morning or evening and can switch it up for spontaneous excitement for the chaos we crave.

Example is being a night/morning shift at a hotel as a receptionist. That's what I did and its been amazing for my mental health. I've done more with engaging in my hobbies in the past month since I started my new job than the past 2-4 years due to being in survival mode all the time from work.

Another example is to work overnight at a hospital patient sitting. You can practice quite hobbies or even pick up quiet hobbies from the thrift store . This will feed the adhd that craves spontaneously and creatively.

Last resort is hit the random article link on Wikipedia, you'll have endless opportunities you learn. You could pick up books to read from your local library, coloring books, pick up knitting/crochet, plan a rough draft for anything your special interest is atm.

For context of where I come from; I was a barista that had to talk all the time because I was so good at interacting with customers on an 'authentic' level. I was so burnt out because I was trying to do school at the time too before I had to take a break. Too much over stimulation throughout all parts of my day that lead to me having major burnout/internal meltdown and eventually resorted to a bit of self-harm. Something had to give and it was me.

Also I learned about Rejection Disphoria Syndrome that is common in ADHD. Basically any and all perceived rejection/criticism/negatively feels like it cuts to my soul and is physically painful. Like I feel my chest hurt with mental pain when I interpret rejection. I couldn't understand how allisitics could function when they were going through this pain too. Surprise, they don't. They don't feel it anywhere on the same level and don't get retraumatized with every rejection.

Now imagine that with ASD and not realizing when you make a social blunder until someone points it out. That pointing it out is perceived as rejection, gets internalized, and becomes part of our self concept because with ASD, we can't conceive a self concept the same way that Allisitics do. Our self image is from feed back from others and most feed back with the way society is structured is negative due to our inability to fit in without changing and learning to mask. (This is where a therapist is super helpful for audhd with RSD because they can provide us with the positive feedback to restructure our self image and expectations).

Finally, look for hobbies that aren't about improvement, but are rewarding in the end product and stimulate your brain like a puzzle in trying to challenge perceived limitations. Inspiration can come from anytime you wish that you were into that thing because this person is so cool for being into it. Become cool yourself by picking up the hobby 😎

Finally, a hobby is a hobby as long as you engage with it once a year. I have the skill to crochet, and my main hobby is to collet yarn, pdf's for future projects, and fantasizing about my projects. This is all prep for when that adhd motivation boost happens, but are all vaild parts of the same hobby.