RFK Jr announces plan to put cocaine back into Coca-Cola
RFK Jr announces plan to put cocaine back into Coca-Cola
chaser.com.au RFK Jr announces plan to put cocaine back into Coca-Cola – The Chaser
"Things were healthier in my day."
54 comments
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Holy shit I was almost excited there might be one thing to make the coming cycle less shitty until I saw the community
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Here's one that's real: he's promised to ban high-fructose corn syrup, which is banned in most other developed countries. It should have been banned in the US decades ago.
He might be a wakadoodle, but he might still get a few things right by accident
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Hell try and then we'll be reading a news story about how his brain worms finally kennedy'd him the next hour after the attempt. HFCS and the multitude of corporations producing and using it aren't some pushover industry like oil and natural gas, they have actual power.
There's a reason corn is in everything processed in the US.
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All the pro-small-government people I know (the ones wanting less oversight on guns) are excited for this ban and don't see the irony that they're really only small-government in the topics they want, big-government in others they decided are bad (hfcs, some red dye, banning men from women's bathrooms). We all want government protections, turns out.
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I think the best we can hope for is that Trump seems unlikely to fuck with state laws regarding marijuana. That’s fine with me.
That’s not to say I wouldn’t try the Coke, though.
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I’d def try coke-aine
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I actually can't tell what's a parody any more
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Yeah I thought this was real news at first.
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He might try but Don Jr will be snorting it faster than the factory could add it.
And no one in the mainstream media will care.
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The fact that I read this headline and my first through wasn't doubt in any capacity is insane. Satire is now lamer than reality, jesus christ...
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The reason that is that fiction has to be coherent. It has to make sense.
Reality is under no such constraint.
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Given that RFK jr was a heroin addict for decades, I was once again fooled by this and I thought it was real.
Satire has been dead for years anyway.
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the onion actually doesn't do satire any longer.
they do prophesy now.
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Official lathe handlers
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One can dream...
I do wish this were prophecy
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Yeah he was on record last week saying it improved his grades as a student lol
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wow for a solid ten seconds did not realize this was onion. I guess this will become more and more frequent over the next four years.
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I've wanted this for years. I hope he sees this article and decides to do it.
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Damn, they almost got me lol
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I'm in
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Coke in a can: mid Coke in a bottle: okay Coke in a bag: LET'S FUCKING GO
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100% serious here: I have had mate de coca, or tea made from the coca leaf. There used to be a place that would ship it to the U.S. without asking questions, but it doesn't exist anymore. It basically takes a field's worth of coca to make an ounce of cocaine, so this is a tiny fraction of the strength of cocaine. It tasted pretty awful- like damp straw smells- but with enough sweetener, it was acceptable.
It makes you much more awake and alert than coffee with no jittery feeling and it's totally gone after maybe 4 hours. You can have mate de coca when you get up, do a few hours' worth of work and then take a nap and sleep like you'd never had anything to stimulate you. It's pretty damn amazing and it's stupid that it's illegal.
I'm guessing they have ways to do things in South America about the taste.
Edit: Also, I was telling this to my wife's cousin, who is also my GP, and he was telling me that he would get it when he went down to do charity work in El Salvador all the time and agreed it should be totally legal in the U.S. He's a cool guy.
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It's amazing for altitude sickness. When I was in Bolivia, I basically lived off coca tea.
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Dude coca tea tastes so good. I drank it all the time when I was in Bolivia. It has nowhere near the stimulating effect like coffee. To get that, you have to chew it with some ash, lijta, to get the chemicals.
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Well all I can say was that was my experience with what I used to have. Tasted awful, more powerful than coffee, no jitteriness.
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NOOOOO ITS FAKE, FUCK
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We're really gonna let the brain worm run shit, huh?
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It will be a rolled in approach. Whatever you can't roll in, you put it in the soda.
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Ngl i wish this was real lol
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Mexican Coca-Cola may still have it. What they needed to do was stamp cocaine out as pills in Mexico so whether it’s 50 or whatever percent purity, it stays that way and dudes selling it have to do the pill game. There was these yellow monkey stamped ecstasy tablets back in 2010. that were just coke. But it was 8 to 10 bucks for 100 mg tablet and they weren’t completely pure. Most people using coke usually did half gram or more a night. People cooking crack dissolve it in water anyways.
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Going to guess the dea is gonna be defanged for that little escapade
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Based
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Freebased.
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54 comments