What are some video game quotes that is stuck in your head?
What are some video game quotes that is stuck in your head?
“You Must Construct Additional Pylons”
“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”
- Cave Johnson, founder and CEO of Aperature Science
Hilariously I never played the game... It's my buddies tone for text messages. Lol
I’ll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.
Ah shit, here we go again
Gunnery Chief: This, recruits, is a 20-kilo ferrous slug. Feel the weight. Every five seconds, the main gun of an Everest-class dreadnought accelerates one to 1.3 percent of light speed. It impacts with the force of a 38-kiloton bomb. That is three times the yield of the city-buster dropped on Hiroshima back on Earth. That means Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son-of-a-bitch in space. Now! Serviceman Burnside! What is Newton's First Law?
Serviceman Burnside: Sir! An object in motion stays in motion, sir!
Gunnery Chief: No credit for partial answers, maggot!
Serviceman Burnside: Sir! Unless acted on by an outside force, sir!
Gunnery Chief: Damn straight! I dare to assume you ignorant jackasses know that space is empty. Once you fire this hunk of metal, it keeps going till it hits something. That can be a ship, or the planet behind that ship. It might go off into deep space and hit somebody else in ten thousand years. If you pull the trigger on this, you are ruining someone's day, somewhere and sometime. That is why you check your damn targets! That is why you wait for the computer to give you a damn firing solution! That is why, Serviceman Chung, we do not "eyeball it!" This is a weapon of mass destruction. You are not a cowboy shooting from the hip!
Serviceman Chung: Sir, yes sir!
"Metal...Gear?" - Metal Gear Solid
"War...has changed." - Metal Gear Solid 4
"War never changes." - Fallout 3
"All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE? DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! MAKE LIFE RUE THE DAY IT THOUGHT IT COULD GOVE CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN...WITH THE LEMONS." - Portal 2
"Here come the test results: 'You are a horrible person'. That's what it says, 'a horrible person'. We weren't even testing for that!"
"Aperture Science: We do what we must, because we can."
EDIT: Also: "Science isn't about why - it's about why not. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much? In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired!"
(Portal, and Portal 2)
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.Wololo - Age of Empires
I'm surprised this isn't one of the top comments. I don't even play or have interest RTS games, only ever watched friends play it as a kid and it's still stuck in my head to this day.
Don't make a girl a promise if you know you can't keep it.
~ Cortana, Halo 2, 2004
This town is full of monsters, how can you sit there and eat pizza?
~ James Sunderland, Silent Hill 2, 2001
Hail to the king, baby
Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask the ghosts if honor matters. The silence is your answer.
"Maximum depth reached. Hull damage imminent"
Yes I have just played Subnautica
Lerooooooooooooooooooooyyyyy Ah-Jenkins
"Hey! Listen!"
The Thing. You come across a guy that's infected but still alive. Clearly on the verge of turning. He gives you vital information then says
"If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself."
And proceeds to blow his own brains out.
Boss move. Much respect.
"War. War never changes."
"Remember. No Russian."
"Itchy. Tasty."
“You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it.”
A man chooses. A slave obeys.
Sister Calderón: We’ve all lived bad lives, Mr. Morgan. We all sin… but I know you.
Arthur: You don’t know me.
Sister Calderón: Forgive me, but… that’s the problem. You don’t know you.
Arthur: What do you mean?
Sister Calderón: I don’t know… whenever we happen to meet, you’re always helping people and smiling.
Arthur: I had a son… he passed away. I had a girl who loved me… I threw that away. My momma died when I was a kid, and my daddy… well, I watched him die. And it weren’t soon enough.
Sister Calderón: My husband died a long time ago. Life is full of pain. But there is also love, and beauty.
Arthur: What am I gonna do now?
Sister Calderón: Be grateful that for the first time, you see your life clearly. Perhaps you could help somebody? Helping makes you really happy.
Arthur: But… I still don’t believe in nothin’.
Sister Calderón: Often, neither do I. But then, I meet someone like you, and everything makes sense
Arthur: Heh… You’re too smart for me, Sister. I guess I… I’m afraid.
Sister Calderón: There is nothing to be afraid of. Take a gamble that love exists, and do a loving act.
All your base are belong to us
Your base... is under attack.
Toasty!
“Your face, your ass. What’s the difference?”
- Duke Nukem
YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.
"Wololoo"
I don't trust a man that doesn't have something strange going on about him, 'cause it means he's hiding it from you. If a man's wearing his pants on his head or if he says his words backwards from time to time, you know it's all laid out there for you. But if he's friendly to strangers and keeps his home spick-and-span, more often than not he's done something even his own ma couldn't forgive.
-No-bark Noonan, Fallout: New Vegas
The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.
"If you can't stand the heat, go put your tiny balls in the freezer!"
-Catalina, GTA San Andreas
Also a big fan of C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
"Look at you, sailing through the air majestically like an eagle…piloting a blimp."
I mean just quote every line from the portal games and be done with this thread. :-D
Sir, permission to leave the station?
For what purpose Master Chief?
To give the Covenant back their bomb...Haven't seen this one mentioned yet.
Poot Dispenser Here!
Eeerectin' a dispenser!
Sentry going up!
My name is Guybrush Threpwood. I'm a mighty pirate.
War... War never changes
"Hello my friend. Stay a while and listen."
If Piped does not work
"7 minutes, 7 minutes is all the time I can spare to play with you"
"... There's a pimento taco, a pimentaco in the glovebox"
"Ride ze shoopuf?"
"The numbers mason, what do they mean?"
"Have some faith"
"Tank beats everything"
.
Still sane, Exile?
"PUT DISPENSER HERE"
"Would you kindly?"
"Patrolling Mojave almost makes you wish for nuclear winter"
"ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS FOLLOW THE DAMN TRAIN CJ"
"Rise and shine mr. Freeman, rise and shine"
"Hey, you finally awake"
EDIT:
"I make my own luck"
(Several monologue from ezio saga and kenway saga is worthwhile unfortunately I couldn't fully text it all :( )
"Guys the drill, go get it"
"Ahhh, I need my medic bag"
"Mission failed, we will get them next time"
"ENEMY AC130 ABOVE!"
"Engravings gives you no tactical advantage whatsoever"
"Boss, try to remember the basic CQC"
"The numbers mason, what do they mean"
perfect response when someone suddenly pop in 6 digits nuclear code"Victory can't be achieved without sacrifice"
"The flags may be different, but the methods are the same"
"I am legally obliged to tell you, that I am not a real docter" Dr. Zed from Borderlands (2)
The carrier has arrived.
Were it so easy.
YoU cAnT jUsT sHoOt A hOlE tHrOuGh MaRs!
Oh I know what the ladies like.
Time is money friend.
- I am Error.
- All your base are belong to us.
- It's dangerous to go alone. Take this! Why yes I did grow up in the 80s & 90s.
Bonus from a newer game: "What have I told you? People are a renewable resource!"
"Beep beep beep" - sputnik
Voiced by Lenard Nemoy in Civ 4
"They were all dead ..."
First words of Max Payne. But I always forget what comes next. Something about final gunshot something
A man chooses, a slave obeys.
Boy!
"Blame yourself or God."
"Frigate lost."
"Assuming direct control"
Blue team has the flag The enemy has your flag Blue scored Blue wins
Altair secrets are not for you
Another visitor. Stay a while, stay forever!
Units received
Zug Zug
panzerschreck!
We're rich!
Titanfall|2
Upon your Titan noticing a new weapon that's more powerful, the main character comments "I think someone's in love..."
BT's response is priceless.
BT-7274: "The human concept of love requires admiration, attraction, devotion, and respect. Conclusion: I am 50% in love."
my name is Legion: for we are many.
(Yes I know originally is from the bible)
"You must gather your party before venturing forth." - Baldur's Gate 2
I can't use these things together.
An enemy has been slain
Sigh Bapinada?
"sneaky beaky like"
I don't wanna
Day of the Tentacle
"Your curves are beautiful." "How inappropriate. Tell me more." -Satisfactory
Sir! Captain needs you on the bridge ASAP! Better follow me.
"Trouble with the trolley, eh?"
"You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it."
"deeeeeeeaaaaaath" -Black and White
And then every once in a while if your name was common enough it would whisper your name instead. Freaked me out first time it happened.
Hello… - undead wheezing style (WoW)
I don’t have time to play with myself - Duke Nukem
Need a light?
Hello stranger what ‘ar ya buyin’ what ‘ar ya sellin’
kee-voh rogan woololooooo
In 2291, in an attempt to control violence among deep space miners the New Earth Government legalized no-holds-bared fighting.
"Lok'tar Ogar!"
And "Get outta the DAMN WAY!"
"What do I care for your suffering? Pain, even agony, is no more than information before the senses, data fed to the computer of the mind. The lesson is simple: you have received the information, now act on it. Take control of the input and you shall become master of the output."
Sheng-Ji Yang, Alpha Centauri
"This is Pequod. Arriving shortly at LZ"
"It is a good life we lead, brother."
"The best. May it never change."
"And may it never change us."
Assassin's Creed 2 still has the best intro of all time, fight me.
"The end is near! TEN SECONDS NEAR!!"
- Your health is low. Do you have any potions, or food?
Same game, when you made the Guild Master drunk:
- I never forget faces, but in your case I'll make an exception hic
Paraphrasing there, don't remember the exact quote.
- It's dangerous to go alone, take this
"I'm selling these fine leather jackets" Indiana Jones "If you kill me you're better, if I kill you I'm better" Kuben Blisk "Suka blyat" - Random scav
"Sir. Finishing this fight" - Master chief, Halo 2 "STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM" - Guard, Oblivion
"Mandatum?... Yay."
"Camundament?... Imenaso!"
- Age of Empires series.
"Breach in starboard fusion chamber."
"Green line confirmed."
"This is a cakewalk."
"Guidance failure, we're losing control."
- Homeworld series.
"Bring it, yo!"
- The World Ends With You.
"ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL."
"THIS HURTS YOU."
- Mass Effect 2.
"For the
samplerChancellor!""Watch out for those wrist rockets!"
"Just like shooting womp-rats, aye kid?"
"We have lost a command post! Take it back!!"
- Star Wars Battlefront II.
"Have you seen those warriors from Redguard? They got curved swords! Curved... Swords!"
- The Elder Scrolls V Skyrim.
"
FriendshipFrameshift drive charging..."- Elite Dangerous.
"DEVOUR!!!"
- Tales of Berseria.
This cannot continue.
"Nice scarf. Do zey make zem for girls?"
"Nice face. Do they... uh, shut up."
Definition: "Love" is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope.
Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and strangely enough, not many meatbags would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticule, and together, achieving a singular purpose... against statistically long odds.Greetings traveler, there are new missions available at the New Haven bounty board!
"If you wish to see the fate of democracies, look out the windows." -Fallout: New Vegas
"I am a meat automaton animated by neurotransmitters." -Cruelty Squad
"Deploying parachute. Deploying reserve parachute. Skipping parachute." -Satisfactory
Everything that lives is designed to end. We are perpetually trapped... in a never-ending spiral of life and death. Is it a curse? Or some kind of punishment? I often think about the god who blessed us with this cryptic puzzle... and wonder if we'll have the chance to kill him.
THE NUMBERS, MASON
Heard a few gems in STALKER 2 "Better a lousy peace than an awesome gunfight"
Good News Everyone!!!
My source is that I made it the fuck up!
I'd be a lot warmer and a lot happier with a belly full of mead.
"Guess what! I've named a boil on my ass after you. It, too, bothers me every time I sit down."
-Gheed, Diablo 2.
You're pretty good...
"Switch to your other weapon, it's faster than reloading!"
I came when I heard you'd beat the ELITE FOUR.
"Remember, no Russian"
"I have a plan, Arthur"
"Pheromones." "Do I smell beef?"
"You plague-ridden rat!" Huntsman, Bloodborne
There are many more iconic lines in the game, but this one sticks in my mind, probably because you meet so many Huntsman and this is one of their favourite lines.
Death was in the air at Roscoe Street
boop, boop, boop, BEEEEEEP
Pretty esoteric but this pops into my head often (Metal Gear Solid 4):
“Brother! It’s been too long. Rejoice! We’re not copies of our father, after all.”
"I gave my cat to you, doesnt that make you the owner?"- said by a cat
Its from the game cats are liquid: a light in the shadows
I have read all text from this game and its prequel multiple times and still cant figure out what it means
28 STAB WOUNDS
Lambert, Lambert, ty chuju.
You're here because you wanted to feel like something your not. A hero.
"Today smells like victory! I love pretending to smell. Sniff sniff!" Pathfinder, Apex.
"What can change the nature of a man?"
- Ravel, Planescape: Torment
I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee...
"Monstrous size has no intrinsic merit, unless inordinate exsanguination be considered a virtue." And so SO many others from Darkest Dungeon. "Commander" from the newer X-Com games ... tha dark, rapsy voice
"That was left-handed!"
The icy winds of Northrend will consume your souls!
Look, everybody always figures the time they live in is the most epic, most important age to end all ages. But tyrants and heroes rise and fall, and historians sort out the pieces."
"If knowledge is power; then to be unknown, is to be unconquerable.
Intro movie when you select the Romulans in Star Trek: Birth of the Federation
“An open mind is like a fortress with its gates unbarred and unguarded.”
Look At You, Sailing Through The Air Majestically, Like An Eagle…Piloting A Blimp.
Big Money! Big Prizes!
Are you still alive Arbiter?
"When a man with a sing-song voice tells me to fuck off, it always concerns me, boy-o"
"Anime is a path I walk alone."
"You are fucking subhuman."
- Katana ZERO
This cave is not a natural formation
Hostile shotty in the field
Wololooooo, wololooooo
Welcome back. I have some jobs for you
Still sane exile?
- path of exile
“This guy are sick”
Hier ist das Bier billig.
The beer is cheap here. Most landlords in the German version of Baldur's Gate 1 say this.
Access denied without key card.
We need wood!
Stronghold Crusader
Hey baby, looking for a date? All the prostitutes in VTMB.
"Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate." --AM
"Oh I know what the ladies like" "Move Move Move the core ain't paying you by the hour!" "see how they bait their trap?"
Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master.
The kamikazes continuous screaming from serious sam will forever be etched in my brain as a part of my childhood.
'It takes leather balls to play rugby' - toilet wall in Leisure Suit Larry
'Alarm, ein verletzter' - Commando
'At first his lips were sweet as mango, when first I held him to my chest, but now we dance this Grim Fandango and will four years before we rest' - Olivera Olfrendo, Grim Fandango
“It’s not a lake, it’s an ocean”
Also the part where you and Pierce are singing along to What I Got by Sublime near the beginning of Saints Row The Third
Such is life: outrage leading to a singular end.
The individual desires judgment. Without that desire, the cohesion of groups is impossible, and so is civilization.
The need to be observed and understood was once satisfied by God. Now we can implement the same functionality with data-mining algorithms.
You will soon have your God - and you will make it with your own hands.
- Morpheus from Deus Ex
Jason but they pronounce it "Jay Sohn."
Also "Holy shit, its snow white!" as they're being gunned down from the brush.
EDIT: oh and of course "Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?"
"Destroy him, my robots" from Impossible Mission on the C64.
It was the first videogame I ever heard talk. And full disclosure, 5 year old me, thought it said, "destroy him my-rin bolts". It wasn't until years later, my dad actually corrected me.
"Guns guns guns" Brrrrrrr
"In the room ahead is a spider artifact. Take it! We will need it to reach the Santieri Crystal." Also "There is but one gift I can offer that is equal in value to an Elder Scroll and my daughter: I offer you my blood. Take it and you will walk as a lion among sheep, men will tremble at your approach, and you will never fear death again."
Welcome to Eversmile. Set in the realm of joy. The people of Eversmile are plagued only by aching facial muscles. And not anthrax as we had hoped. Eversmile is a disgusting land of good humor and polite frivolity.
“My words are backed by NUCLEAR WEAPONS!”
They told me I was too young. They told me I needed more training. I told them to drop dead! How ironic...
I often think about the god who blessed us with this cryptic puzzle...and wonder if we'll ever get the chance to kill him.
NES "Pro Wrestling".
"A winner is you!"
Only lines with voice work for me, even though there are plenty of great unvoiced lines across games. Sorted by game... I think this post certainly puts me of a generation.
"My emperor! I've failed youuuu!"
"Fox, get this guy off me!"
"You're good, but I'm BETTER!"
"Never give up, trust your instincts!"
"IF THIS DOES NOT WORK!"
Honestly one of the most quoteable games ever made."Stay a while and listen."
"My hotel's as clean as an Elven arse!"
"Whaaaat?!"
"Tiax shall smite ye."
"Heya, it's me Imoen.""MASSACRE!"
"Not yet!"
"hyut hyut hyut""My fists never betray me!"
"Don't stand behind me."
"I'm gonna sleep well tonight!"
"The feeling... It's... coming back!"
"Good vibrations!""Hello brother! [...] I live on in this arm!"
"Laugh, and grow fat!"
Love a good ham. We need more of them in video games."I'mma Luigi, number 1."
"Falcon PUNCH!""You're going the wrong way!"
"Retired!""You require more vespene gas!"
"All crews operational." / "Battlecruiser operational." ?
"En'taro Adun executor."
"I do this for Auir, not you!"
"Your base in under attack.""So what shall it be? Will you join the Unity or will you die here? Join... DIE! Join... DIE!"
"Doctor required in inflator room."
"[...] to the last place uncorrupted by Capitalism! SPACE!"
"This train doesn't belong to you. So why don't you turn around and face me, pumpkin?"
Pierce: "This train was commandeered legally under the---"
"Holy nutballs! What happened to your frickin' face?!"
"Oh yeah? How about this - lady? - I don't even know what to call you: you tell me why you look like you headbutted a belt sander, and I'll let all of you go right now."
-Handsome Jack (Borderlands 2)
"A right man in a wrong place can make all the difference in the world"
I'M GONNA PUT MY PAIN INTO YOUR SOUL! (Krieg, BL 2)
"I'm interested in one thing. Dark. You haven't the gift."
- Felkin the Outcast, Dark Souls 2
He's such a weirdo just sitting in a dark corner, but sells some good spells.
a recent one is all of amanozako's v/o in SMTV "oh you want some, do ya?"
"Thanks for stopping by, come back again SooON." -Random vendor guy in the woods, Dungeon Siege
"GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BACK! GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BACK! GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BACK! GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BACK! GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BACK!"
Just saw the video with the quote recently, so, here goes:
A line from the main character of Beyond The Edge of Owlsgard. The English voice actor confirmed that the line was improvised. It's probably a lot more tame in the German dub, but the line is so funny that they probably had to put it in the English dub.
"I like sword, it's a personal weapon" Shadow Warrior
"Try not to cripple beneath my girth." - Chiv2 as I was mounting a horse.
in a bad Russian accent
You're pretty good
awkward double finger guns and walk away slowly
Get out of here S.T.A.L.K.E.R
Protect the pilot
“Gods, I want to ride you ‘till you see stars.”
My toolbox! --Another World
I'm gunna fuck you! --Redneck Rampage
"I've got a plan."
UH - OH! THE TRUCK HAVE STARTED TO MOVE!"Mean, green and unseen!"
"This is not a warning. This is a sentence."
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as though it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal. Even in death I serve the Omnissiah.
Not by my choice, but "That was gnarlycuga!" Is so fucking cheesy that it just won't leave
"My vision is augmented."
Jason? Jason? Jason? Jason? Etc..
Ich geh dann mal
"No free slots in suit inventory."
UGGHHHHHHH
On explose d'abord ! Et on parle... après ! — Ziggs, League of Legends, French Voice
- Ripburger, you're dummier than dirt!
- Oh, Mr Corley. If only you'd listen to my plan - my vision.
- I know your plan, Rip. You're waiting for me to die so you can take over my company.
This feels relevant: The Device has been Modified by Victims of Science a song made of quotes from Portal.
« War makes men mad »…
Science compels us to explode the sun.
My ass! My ass! My beautiful ass!
Suffer like G did?
Bonesaw’s Ready!
"Again" from super hexagon
Like Mario and Princess Beach.
"Somethin's Wrong with the G-Diffuser!"
"... I guess I should be Thankful..."
"Hey, what's the big Idea!?"
"Don't party just yet. It's time to try our new weapon"
"COCKY LITTLE FREAK"
"Somebody beat us here. it's all gone!"
"I don't know if I'm good or evil. Stupid words, anyway... But I'm trying to be gentle to others and hard on myself. I know how to sympathize and not judge. I try to love whoever I touch. That's the only answer I have."
- pathologic 2
Hey, Hey, Hey! It's time to make some crazy money. Are y'all ready? Here we gooo!
Damn you, Kain! This act of genocide is unconscionable!
"For I am just an old man, plus me balls are saggy" - Borjoyzee, Giants: Citizen Kabuto
I need a target
"Ah ha" briiing
"I used to be an adventurer too, til I took an arrow to the knee"
"You've captured a command post"
"You've lost a command post"
The version that’s stuck in my head is Japanese so this is a translation.
Watch. See how they’ve lived their lives with pride, and with their lives they’ve sang the ode to civilization. This is the story of those whom people called heroes, the unfinished journey of the 13 who chased the flame. But traveller, your journey continues on, isn’t that right? Then, follow your heart and move on. Follow the footsteps and witness that flame chasing journey to the end. And finally… walk across the graves of those who have fallen. And for that future which “we” could not create… GO CREATE IT!
"Smother him in the crib..."
Synth voice: "Be careful...Rainbow zone..."
"Monsters? They look like monsters to you?"
-Silent Hill 3
In dark times, should the stars also go out?
”Get low” - Days Gone
"Negative Ramos"
"What can I say? It's just a toilet bowl."
From Runaway: A Road Adventure
"Remember the Nutella" - AoE II Malian Villager
I called my cat Boney / til she said it wouldn't do. / She looked at me, said sister / that's what I've been calling you
“For a moment, there was hope.”
Permanently Deleted
Were it so easy...
"They're masterworks all, can't go wrong!"
"Gran Soren, the beating heart of all Gransys."
"Tis a port crystal ser, one can reach it with the use of a magic item."
"It hates fire!"
"I love you, sarge!"
Back and forth... Back and forth... I'm beginning to feel like Sisyphus!
Not going to cite the source, since it spoils part of this game, and it’s currently popular.
I have something to say. So shut the fuck up and listen. I spent thirteen years half-cut up to my eyeballs. Drunk, to put it mildly. Then suddenly I saw it, a streetlight shining in my face. 500 Gigawatts of the power of God. A vision of my bloated body found in some ditch. Scared me straight. So I got a collar shirt, mortgage and a credit card. All the things that make me a good man. I hoped I could raise my children to be better than their old man. I wanted to believe I was never one setback away from my worst self. But the truth is. Discipline. Drive. Routine. The endless fucking desperation to get shit done. A loving wife? Great kids? Sobriety? I'm telling you. You. Accomplishments I've been chasing my whole life. Never felt as good as I expected when I crossed the finish line... So now that we're at the end. Takin' inventory. Those nights spinning out of my head, sinking into the sofa. Broken glass in my palms. Bleeding dry the funniest thing ever. Old dogs laughing and snarling on a waterbed floor, mocking the moon for daring to show its face. All nausea and wreckage and vomit and ugly cruelty. The only problem in the world an empty bottle. Those were the best days of my life. Yeah... Those were the best days of my life. I got nothing to hide. Ready to face the music. I can see myself for what I am. But you, a cowardly, selfish motherfucker and you can't even see it... I should've been able to protect the kid. If I could have done one thing right, I wish it had been to give him one small chance off this goddamned rock.
*that are