Joining a support group, not sure what to expect
Joining a support group, not sure what to expect
A contact of mine suggested me to join a support group to find people with similar difficulties and talk to them.
I found a group nearby, but I'm a bit reluctant to go. I can feel myself making up excuses as to why it would not be a good idea.
- I don't feel like it would be helpful.
- I will feel like they have even more severe issues than me and I can't relate.
- It's a group with 10 people, so I feel like it's a bit too much for me. I feel like I will just let everybody else talk and be silent like usual.
- I was a bit sick in the past weekend and I'm worried about making other people sick (even though it's kinda over)
Anybody already went to a support group before, what was your experience?
Not a support group, but I had many of the same reservations about group therapy. A doc recommended me for IOP and I had no idea how that was supposed to help me. Then I went and it clicked. It wasn't only having others in a similar boat to talk to, it was being able to relate with someone having a hard time with something you were familiar with and be able to help them. It was a very supportive environment, with people giving what they could and getting what they needed.
There are bad groups out there of course. Mid-program I got switched to PHP at another facility (answered a bit too honestly on an assessment) and it was like night and day compared to the first program. It was glorified babysitting. I went back to the first program as soon as I was able (which coincidentally happened just after my official AuDHD diagnoses).
That said, I never would have known unless I tried. A good facilitator will hold space for everyone, and a great facilitator will watch body language and make space for those that look like they may have something to say but aren't able to find the space on their own. 10 sounds like a decent number. Enough that someone will usually have input at any given point, but not so much that people feel left out.
So far as comparing problems, it's not a contest. Everybody's situation could be worse. That doesn't make it any easier for those going through it. I've heard some gut wrenching stories in group. None of that improved my situation... though the mutual support helped all involved.
When it comes to illness... I'm a big supporter of "stay the hell home, I don't want your cooties" lol. If you're legit concerned, try to catch the next group. If you feel mostly okay but are still worried, wear a mask (the physical kind). If you're just using it as an excuse... be honest with yourself. Say "I do not feel comfortable going this time" and own it. Don't beat yourself up. It's a big step, and a new one. Give yourself a little grace.
Whatever you decide, I hope it works out. Best of luck!
Thanks man. Ended up going and it was really nice to share experiences and frustrations. Glad I decided to go.
Happy to hear it!
Lower the barrier. Ask if you can join briefly with a video call to get to know the group. Some people will delay reaching out for decades, making their life harder. You can bet that people in the group will even share exactly this feeling and situation with you. If you really believe it might help to reach out, but you're standing in your way, try a smaller step in the direction
Thanks, I definitely know the feeling of delaying reaching out. I've basically dealt with all my issues on my own in the first 20 years of my life, even didn't really talk to family about it. (didn't really talk in general) And I'm more and more aware of how difficult i've made things for myself by doing that. Not that it's easy, but everytime I talk about it, it's useful in some way.
Absolutely spot on. If you've already delayed a lot, then reduce the pressure on yourself. You already made a huge leap by even accepting that you might need additional support. You don't have to force yourself to now make up for potentially lost time or anything. Take your time to progress at your own pace. If you feel like you're pressuring yourself towards a potential goal, you might set yourself up for failure. Be kind to yourself and don't demand too much.
When you hear people talking openly about emotional challenging situations in their daily life, which you can relate to, but most people in your regular surroundings can not, that can be extremely emotionally relieving to a degree that is impossible to anticipate. It's really worth it. But you want to feel comfortable on your way there. Slow pace is fine as long as you are moving towards your own goals.
Maybe it can also help you if you think differently about your goals. It's not like a sprint in sports. Even if you might think you have to reach certain goals to function in society, and reaching them faster would obviously be better. This is not a competition. You set your own goals for yourself and nobody else sets the rules on how to get there. Your goals are more like a beacon. Even if there are strong headwinds every once in a while, or you take a break and just relax in the sun, you can still clearly see them and continue to steer in their direction, as long as you consider it to be right. You are in control
Ultimately - what do you have to lose?
Realistically, worst case is that you go to it, don't really "click" and learn that it's not for you. I'd recommend just going with an open mind and seeing if it works for you. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't, but then you'll know.
Also - remember that anxiety brain is very good at coming up with excuses for not trying new things. Take everything it says with healthy skeptiscism.
I'm terms of personal experience, I've not been to a support group but I do see a counsellor and honestly it's nice just to talk about things. Talking is an underrated way of resolving issues, imo.
Yeah, I very much tend to overthink and think in terms of worst case situations. Strange thing is that, even when I know the worst case is not really an issue, I still feel like it's so hard. Especially in social situations I can never really get rid of that little panic/tension that seems to stay present.
@melodiousfunk mostly covered it. Just convince yourself to go one time. Be open to the idea that it could help. If it doesn’t, you’ll know that you tried and it didn’t work. If you don’t, you’ll never know if it could have helped.
I actually went today. It was nice. It's surprising how respectful and accommodating everyone was. I've never really experienced something like that with people at work and such.
Happy for you that you had a good experience!