Don't be hatin', this is what American Culture looks like

Those appear to be Canadian Smarties. As an American I wash my hands of this whole affair, good day sir.
- And the chicken isn't even fried. What a joke.
  
  No it's okay - they got that rotisserie from the gas station.
- Once they cross the border, they're Minnesotan, it's okay
  
  Where can you buy Canadian Smarties in Minnesota? And do they sell all dressed chips too? Because I have no idea and I want some all dressed chips, lol.
  
  Immigrants? My god
- Why the fuck is there a lone grape?!

The right half looks like something the Dutch would eat.
- wdym "would?"that's literally breakfast.
  
  I thought it was only on toast, not pizza.

I mean, yeah, but that's so much better. Sure, our food sucks, but it sucks in such an elevated way that it's almost an art form. British food seems like it was made by a guy desperately trying to put together a meal from ingredients he bought at a gas station. American cuisine seems like it was made by a chef who is losing his sanity to Lovecraftian horrors beyond our comprehension. The world looks at beans and toast and laughs at how pathetic it is.They look upon the Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Taco and weep, for they now know there is no God.
- OP’s pic is just the British way of saying “our national pastime is watching dry paint dry, and we’re most pleased to say that we’re rather proud of that fact!”
  
  To be fair, I think their actual national pastime is Cricket, which is significantly more boring.
- People who laugh at beans on toast haven’t tried beans on toast. At least not with English baked beans.
  
  Eh. I've had it, and it was fine. I've had the meat heavy full breakfast version too, and it was fine.
  Certainly nothing I miss after leaving, nor something to avoid while there.
  5/10, bland but sufficient.
  
  I've never had them, so I can't comment on their taste, but aesthetically, it looks like a dish you'd be served in a Soviet prison.
  
  There are several dozen YouTube videos of exactly this and it almost never goes over well. I’ve seen like two non British try been a and toast and go “that’s not as bad as I expected”. None of them praised it or would seek it out, it just didn’t immediately make them hurl.
  
  Isn't Heinz their favorite brand for beans on toast? I think they just like the tomatoey sauce.
- Err, yeah, the point of beans on toast is that it's the simplest, most basic hot comfort food you can just throw together

You all nag about how Americans have no food culture of their own, that they just steal and adapt other countries' foods. Then when you see true American creation and innovation, you reel back in fear and disgusting. Cowards!
- It’s the British we’re talking about. Anything other than fish and chips, mushy peas, or bubble and squeak is a bit too aggressive for their traditionally unrefined tastes. The poor sods basically had to be forcefully introduced to anything other than boring.

Isn't this a Brazilian thing? There are million things to pick from that would actually be American and arguably some things more disgusting than this
- Isn’t this a Brazilian thing?
  Everything is American once we get our grubby little hands on it.
  
  Once we perfect it, you mean.

Bitch nobody puts bone-in on a pizza.
- On my fuckin life, and my YEEEZY, if I pay for this pizza and my shit's delivered bone-in, it's a wrap for y'all
- I hate the term bone-in now

Who the hell puts grapes on pizza? 🤨
- That's a whole green olive... But still.
  
  The countable pixels and questionable color accuracy of the image mean that could definitely be a white grape. Which I would infinitely prefer over a whole green olive. I would eat the grape, even though it's weird on pizza. I'd take that olive right off, or maybe eat around it.
  Gotta draw the line somewhere.
  
  What if they are pineapples?

Even if we ate this we still have room to talk about beans on toast.
- Eat beans and cottage cheese like a true american
  
  What in the WW2 ration fuck?
  
  You. Get out.

Chocolate on pizza is a south american thing, I've never seen it in the US.
- I've seen chocolate chip "pizza" before but it's just chocolate chip cookie baked in a circular pan and cut up like pizza.
  
  No, not that, or icecream pizza, like a normal dough with chocolate and bananas on it.
- Chocolate pizza is definitely something I've seen around, and had, as someone who's never been outside of the US.
  
  Where? I should add it to my list of places to avoid.
- People from south America aren't Americans then?

Take yer chip butty and go back to believing whatever your instagram feeds tell you, consoled by the fact that yer mushy peas and jellied eel are are the pinnacle of civiliz(s)ed cuisine.

we most certainly will not

Rebuttal: jellied eels.
Your move, Britain.
- Deep fried butter?
  
  Picalilli.

The metric system is a tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it.

…And?

Yeah; because this isn't bland. It's extra AF.
- If your beans and toast are bland that's a you issue. Learn to spice beans or but better beans, I kinda imagine you slapping plain boiled lima beans on a slab of dry rye and wondering what the hype is about.
  
  Yeah, good luck, no way you're selling me on beans.

I used to shit on British food until I discovered marmite. No offense to the British but the Australians do it better. Y'all are a close second though.
- Wait are you actually saying Vegemite is better than Marmite?
  What a weird take.
  
  My British dad agreed that Vegemite is better.
  I think both of them taste god-awful and people who like either of them get the side-eye from me. Including my dad.
  
  I slightly prefer the taste of Vegemite. Marmite is still good though.
  
  How do you spread vegemite on toast though? It's like trying to smear polyfilla.
  With Marmite, hell you can practically drink it in some temperatures.

I see no problem with this pizza.

I can't stand all they stuff they add on top of the chicken bones. Such a hard time picking it all up before I start crunching on some ribs.

I would like to clarify:
There is no piss inside beans/toast that needs to be extracted.
- Is the piss just on top then?
  
  It’s the British. Everything is piss to them. It’s their fetish.

The unfried crust and/or lack of a cheese like petroleum derivative ring in the periphery is unamerican

Save the grape for me.

As long as it's stuffed crust.

brazilians eat both stragonoff fried chicken pizza AND beans

Chicken? That's basically health food.
- Chicken roast for the soul. Damn right!

Eating like they've got Universal Healthcare!

Listen. If you separate the dessert side, and debone and shred that chicken, I would 100% try the bite with the grape on it.
- so chicken and pepperoni pizza with a grape on it?

Well, I'm sure it's not a Brazilian pizza because the chicken would be cut in small pieces here... And there is way too little tomato and olives.

That's not an American chicken, this is an American chicken.
- Nope, this is an american chicken.

American here: I'll take that chicken, you can have the "pizza"
Also, beans on toast is fine.
- You can have it.
- Also, beans on toast is fine.
  Passing on an opportunity to dab on the Brits? Sir, I'm going to need to revoke your American card.
  
  Whatever, I'll just go to Walmart and buy a 50 pack.
  What've you got against beans anyways? This is the Fediverse, we love beans here!

Dinner and dessert

Don't tell the foreigners Britain is nice.