7mo ago

Democrats Panic After Kamala Harris Ages 40 Years In Single Night

www.theonion.com Democrats Panic After Kamala Harris Ages 40 Years In Single Night

WASHINGTON—Arriving for a campaign strategy session with the vice president and staring in disbelief at her frail, hunched-over form, top Democratic Party officials reportedly began panicking Monday after they discovered Kamala Harris had aged 40 years in a single night. “What the hell happened to h...

22 comments

Dude I feel like The Onion is coming back into its own again
- It's the new ownership.
  
  TIL. From Wikipedia:
  On April 8, 2019, private equity firm Great Hill Partners acquired Gizmodo Media Group—including The Onion, The A.V. Club, and Clickhole—from Univision for an undisclosed amount.[148] The properties were formed into a new company named G/O Media Inc.[149][150] In March 2024, G/O sold The A.V. Club to Paste Magazine and was reported to be seeking buyers for The Onion.[151]
  On April 25, 2024, CEO Jim Spanfeller told employees that G/O had sold The Onion to Chicago firm Global Tetrahedron, which is owned by Twilio founder Jeff Lawson, with former NBC reporter Ben Collins serving as CEO.[152] As a condition of the deal, the new owners will retain the website's staff and keep it based in Chicago.[153] The name "Global Tetrahedron" is taken from a "fictional evil megacorporation" that has been the subject of a running gag in The Onion articles.[154]
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Onion
  
  Really puts the previous ownership to shame. Who were these people??
- They had by far the best debate coverage
- They are slapping really hard this year and I love it. They had to though, reality has officially become stranger than fiction.

At press time, sources confirmed prominent members of the party had been instructed to quickly shift their support to a spry, cogent 31-year-old Joe Biden, who had somehow de-aged 50 years overnight.
Look here, Jack!
- Holy shit, he was hot!
  
  But was he hung like hunter?
  
  And against desegregation of schools.
  
  was

Oh shit! It’s Joemala Harriden!

Kamaelisandre

She already had a raspy voice!!!

22 comments