USA presidential candidates

Fixed this for you
Not voting for Montgomery Burns.
- Burns is so much more competent and successful than trump.
  Maybe sideshow Bob would work as trump but even he is probably too good to be equated to trump
  
  Sideshow Bob is actually an eloquent speaker, and is more the psychopathic kinda crazy, not the "Right now, Obama is spying on me through the microwave!"
  
  Just a reminder to our American cousins that in British English, trump means the noise an elephant makes but also to fart: "Sorry I trumped." Donald the Trump is a noisy noxious unwanted thing on the world stage.
  
  I think we need to raid futurama's characters.
- Burns is no fool and trump is a huge fool. A fool with no decency for sure but still a fool.
  
  Is there a treehouse of horror fusion of him and Homer?
- I dunno man, Burns isn't a fucking dumbass or a useful idiot.
- But Burns is canonically older than Gramps!

Yea, this is a good comparison. A washed up, talentless, lying, cheating, stealing, has-been hack of a clown, or a pretty cool old guy that’s been around the world, has cool stories to tell, loads of wisdom but falls asleep every now and then… like the clown does at court.
- Trump is FAR more dangerous than just some clown, you nailed it.
  
  I'd say Sideshow Bob is more apt, only Bob was kind of smart.
- The clown is however also old. And cursed.
- has cool stories to tell
  Biden has a history of telling crazy stories even before he went senile.
  https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/16/politics/fact-check-biden-amtrak-grandfather-pittsburgh-bridge-debt/index.html
  
  Hasn't he like.. repeatedly claimed that his uncle was eaten by cannibals?

Krusty doesn't deserve this.
- Yeah Kristy is better than this dipshit orange, fascism and racism spilling trash can of a human meat bag.
- Although Krusty is a decent human being in the show, he is also shown to be a typical out of touch celebrity while kind of trashy still.
  Trump is like the classic trashy celebrity so imo it fits more than it doesn’t.

It amazes me that one of the largest countries in the world, with the most diverse demographics, can only chose between two candidates. This is not democracy. It's a shit show that has been going on for far too long.
- America is a one party dictatorship, and in typical American extravagence, it has two of them.
  
  Said by a man who ran a country that outlawed all but the party he was prime minister of. He was probably a little salty about criticism over the lack of democracy in his country.
- Just mention an alternative and you'll will quickly understand why.
  The parties have done the most amazing job in pretending the world will end at every election if they are not chosen.
  
  It is kind of amazing how even those disenfranchised voters will rally to support the hegemony of the “two party” corporatist rule. I suggested recently we could consider rallying behind a single issue 3rd party candidate who would end the legalized bribes and replace FPTP with a more democratic alternative, and was immediately downvoted and told it’s not possible due to FPTP.
  facepalm
  
  I agree with this. But also, this time is the closest to "end of the world" stakes we've had in recent memory. We have a literal criminal, rapist, and fraudster who already tried to overthrow the government once leading the polls.
  
  Is that a 3rd option in a first past the post system?
  Hmmmm… what could be the issue there I wonder.
- Tradition and inertia.
  The USA is proud to have the oldest and longest-standing written constitution. The fact it hasn't been rewriteen in a long time help explain why there's still an electoral college, slavery for prisoners (13th amendements), and weak regulation of campaign finance.
  
  Oldest active constitution is San Marino.
- didn't you vote in the primary? why not?
  Americans got to choose between many candidates, and out of those, it's down to 6, and of those 6, it's only really likely 2, that's true.
  But it isn't quite like you imply.
  
  I didn't vote in the primary, because I'm not American.
  
  The shitty thing is by the time my states primary pretty much every else has dropped out. We need to run the primary like a real election not piecemeal.
  
  The RNC never intended to run a candidate other than Trump because he controls MAGA, which is what remains of their energized base. The primaries they held were “just in case” Merrick Garland actually did something useful and successfully prosecuted Trump for insurrection, which never came to pass.
  The DNC did everything they could to prevent primary elections from occurring in various states, and bullied anyone who was floating a run into submission. This included the state dept making calls to state DNC committees to cancel primaries, or remove certain candidates from their ballots. According to them, it was an insult to Biden admin and their legacy to even suggest another candidate should run. And now look where that’s gotten us.
  So no, we didn’t actually vote in primaries this year because the establishment refuses to relinquish the status quo.

what's weird about this is that Trump has been in The Simpsons plenty of times.
Here's Jeb kicking him in the nuts:
one for the meme:
- Serious question why did non of the bushes kick him in the nuts where are these evil fuxks when you need them?
  
  When the Supreme Court had vacancies, W was on the phone with Trump for hours, and provided a short list from the federalist society, They're getting what they want, no issue with Trump.
  
  The bushes are old money. They punish people by overthrowing the country you live in.

I'm from Europe (Hungary) and I watched the first 20 minutes of the debate (with the intent of finishing the whole thing in one go) before turning it off while basically being on the brink of crying. The US presidents basically have as much say in my life as my own government (if not more) and even though I can't vote for them, if I had to I'd be lost. Because it's not that one is old and the other is crazy it's a freaking Venn diagram of crazy RFK jr., demented Biden and then of course crazy and demented Trump. Seeing the debate and how these people basically can't put two sentences after each other without breaking up is terrifying. And one of them will be voted into the most important office on the planet.
I mean it's shit over here. We can choose between a guy who already stole half of our country, someone whose messy divorce somehow made him the most important member of the opposition and this other guy who stole the other half of the country before the current dude did. (And that's just the tip of the iceberg). But maaan are we a lot better off than the world's greatest country where two unsupervised parties get to point at the people you can vote into this ridiculously powerful position. And then they pick these guys.
We're all going to die and I can't even vote for whoever gets us killed, which is ultimately for the better. This way I can die with a clear conscience.
- ... which is ultimately for the better. This way I can die with a clear conscience.
  i envy you and i wish i could say the same thing because i have to vote for biden or else we'll regress backwards in addition to dying.

I kinda feel like this is unfair to Krusty...
- I’ve never seen anybody do Krusty so dirty. He’s just a depressed celebrity with substance abuse problems. Necessarily a bit shady, probably not a great role model, but there is a human being somewhere under that makeup!
  
  Even Krusty's dad eventually loved him.
  
  Krusty wears respectable white clown makeup, not that petty orange bronzer. Krusty also grifts with real clown humor with his products that makes people laugh and not the kind of Sick-makes-you barf grifting of cheap bibles and intangible NFTs. Krusty is way younger and nowhere near as crazy.
  
  Krusty also sometimes admits he's wrong and apologizes. He goes back to his old ways soon enough, but it's a cartoon.

Age up the clown some too with some wrinkles, that clown is 78, almost as old as the other guy.
Also poor Krusty, being compared to Trump.

This really is the year of the douche and the turd sandwich

Turd sandwich vs giant douche
- Thing is a douche is useful. I giant one is probably also useful in cleaning, industrial or civil applications like sewerage.
  I think only flies or dung beetles would be interested in the turd sandwich.
  
  How the fuck Trump is useful?

Trump world be Mr burns, Snake or Sideshow bob
- Snake is stronger, Sideshow Bob is much more intelligent and Mr. Burns knows how to run a business. Unfair comparison.
  
  Ah fuckin hell
- He's all four at the same time
  
  Immoral, malicious, unhinged
- Sideshow Bob is way too smart to be compared to trump

Except Trump is also an old fool. It's not better to say with clear speaking that he wasn't responsible for all the things he screwed up, that he didn't BADLY botch covid response, that he didn't hand out money, that he didn't support the vaccine he also took credit for making, that Jan 6 didn't happen, that Charlottesville didn't happen, that he didn't call the neo nazis who killed a person 'fine people' that he didn't stoke violence very intentionally. That he didn't tell Proud Boys ''stand down and stand by'' that he isn't calling for a dictatorship if he ever gets elected.
Yes. Biden has a speech impediment, and clearly struggles with that particularly now that he's getting quite old. But what he said wasn't insane claims that reality is in fact not reality.
- Well for one, in the press conference when he announced the CDC's recommendation to wear cloth masks, he emphasized that it was a voluntary measure and then added he wasn't going to do it. People look to their leaders for guidance. How many people refused to wear a mask despite the CDC's recommendation because the president felt the need to throw in his own opinion with his experts' recommendations.

- "Stuttered"
  
  The bottom line is he could drool and only say the word potato and the fact is still that we are voting for a platform and a supreme court, not a public speaker.
- I'm not a big fan of Mark Cuban, but his assessment of things after the debate is pretty dead on.
  https://x.com/mcuban/status/1806695973298610671
  
  He lost me when he called Biden the "ethical candidate". He is the less disgusting choice, but he is in no way an "ethical choice".
  
  I want to know why Piers "Punchable Face" Morgan is even trying to weigh in.
  I guess he's getting ready for the inevitable GB + US merger, thinking that countries should function like corporations.

I know it's just a meme, but Krusty would be a silly and ineffective president at worst. You'd have to combine the worst traits of many of the shows most horrible characters to create someone similar to trump, and even then I'm not sure any character in that show attempted a coup and sent a mob to attack the Capitol.

They are both Gramps, Trump is just gramps wearing Kristy makeup.

I'm voting for Moleman
- I was saying "boo-urns"

Well, what are we supposed to do? Choose a presidential candidate who was born after the Battle of the Bulge?

Simpsons did it again!

This is way too accurate.

I'm rooting for Hank Scorpio.
- "When you get home there will be another floor on your house" -Hank Scorpio
  I got to say Hank was a great boss. Really rewarded his team. The kind person we should all strive to be.