Why does “come here” bother me so much?
Why does “come here” bother me so much?
Ok, I have no idea why this bothers me and I don’t even know what to call it. My husband is a “come here” guy. Something he thinks is interesting and wants to show me - hey, come here! Nuclear apocalypse - hey, come here! Why the hell wont he just tell me why he wants me to get up, trudge to wherever he is, so that he can reveal the surprise like some sort of performative art ? I never know if it’s going to be legitimate, a disaster, or something stupid. The walk to wherever he is is insanely stressful because the whole time I’m running through all possible horrible scenarios (we’ve had a lot of issues at the house lately so I never know if I’m going to find water in the basement or raccoons in the attic or a hole in my foundation, or just him looking at a funny cat video). I’d rather he say “hey, babe, something is happening wherever/whatever, come see this.” Instead I have to have the whole performance and reveal and I fucking hate it. Anyone else know what I’m talking about or am I just mental ?
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What does he do if you stay where you're at and ask what he wants you for?
“You’ll see! Just come here!” 80% of the time it’s nothing at all. The other 20% it’s something bad involving blood or damage to our house or something equally awful and devastating. It’s horrible to do the execution walk to see which one I’m going to get. He even once needed stitches and was bleeding everywhere and wouldn’t tell me what he wanted, just that I needed to hurry and he needed a hand. I had to experience the big reveal and see the blood everywhere before he told me he needed a towel from inside the house where I’d just been.
Even emergencies he won’t tell me. “I’ll see” when I get there. Surprise!
That sounds awful. I dunno. I mean, at the heart of it all, on some level you're allowing him to continue this behavior by going to him each time. If you don't go, he has to either keep calling until you give in, or if you don't give in, he can get pouty about it, yell about it, or eventually come and actually find you.
If you stand your ground and refuse, eventually he has to change his behavior. But, getting to that point will be very uncomfortable. So the question is, how much do you want things to change? Are you willing to go through that discomfort to get your needs met?