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No Stupid Questions @lemmy.world
CatDemons4 @lemmings.world

Are mood problems a “turn off” for people even when they’re hard to manage?

I have anger issues, which I can’t control. I am considered conventionally attractive (though I don’t see it) and many people think I’m cool and want to be around me.

Like I said, though, I have anger issues where I will act quite aggressively towards people. One time, someone I knew said hi to me, so I screamed “I HEARD YOU”. I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).

My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.

I’m even like this with guys I’ve dated and I love them not as brothers.

Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy. (Part of the reason why I’m bi curious but never found a woman I’d date, excluding one I almost went out with).

While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]

But yeah, TLDR; My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.

I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.

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81 comments

  • Yes, inability to control your mood, constantly screaming at people, being pissed off and aggressive basically all the time, and being a rude asshole all the time is a major turn off.

    I grew up in a family like this, dated a good number of people like this, then eventually figured out: Oh, I have CPTSD and low self esteem from being chronically abused by most of the people in my life, for most of my life, I don't actually have to put up with their bullshit.

    You sound extremely reminiscent of my abusive female ex-partners, full of rage, suspicious of and less friendly toward women (likely because you view them all as competition and/or incompetent), and most importantly, you're a completely unnacountable and irresponsible narcissist hypocrite.

    You do understand why people don't react well to you being aggressive and pissy all the time.

    My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them.

    This reveals that you do understand that your friend doesn't like it when you are aggressive.

    But you rationalize away your aggressiveness as the cause of your friend avoiding you with the intention underlying your action.

    Your intention doesn't matter.

    What you actually do, how you actually do it is what matters.

    If I perform a surgery with the intention of saving someone's life, but I fuck up when I use a chainsaw instead of a scalpel to make the initial incision, my patient is now dead, and I am responsible, regardless of my intention.

    ...

    No one has any obligation to deal with your anger issues other than you.

    No one owes you their friendship or affection, de facto, just because you believe they do.

    You should seek intensive therapy, probably look for a CBT specialist, at the very least, learn how to self reflect and apologize for doing things that make others flee from you...

    ...otherwise you'll soon find that your anger issues do indeed affect you, by making you unable to have any healthy relationships with anyone, leaving all the people you care about no longer caring about you.

    EDIT:

    I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.

    People are not misintrepeting you, and you know it.

    I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).

    You state that you are upset, ie, prone to a rude or aggressive interaction 90% of the time.

    People are not misinterpreting your behavior.

    Your behavior is abusive 90% of the time, and you just think that's everyone else's problem, not yours.

    ... Would you want to be friends with someone who is pissed off and abusive 90% of the time?

    Honest, serious question:

    Are you capable of actually imagining interactions with yourself from the other person's point of view?

    Can you do that, mentally transport yourself into someone else's shoes, without immediately adding in all the rationalizations that you didn't actually communicate, that only exist in your head?

81 comments