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Getting back into dating and I fell for a married woman wtf

Couple months ago I met a woman who works at a dispensary I visit about once a week. We hit it off really well. Despite trying to just keep it casual sex, and that only, I ended up developing some feelings for her. She confessed the same to me. I even introduced her to my teenaged daughter, for fucks sake.

I ran into her this evening at a gas station, with another guy, who turns out to be her husband. They’ve been married five years, and have two children together, ages 4 and 2. Finding out they have kids just made me feel disgusting.

So, I told him. He didnt believe me until I described a tattoo in a somewhat intimate place on her body. I had no fucking clue she was married. I think I ruined someone’s marriage. Or at least took part in ruining one.

I feel guilty. I am sorry for what I participated in. Am I a bad person?

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  • the chorus of he/hims in this thread positively relishing the idea of this woman getting punished by her husband for her actions and not even stopping to think about the possible violent repercussions of OPs actions is honestly disturbing. people cheat for all variety of reasons. many of them, especially for women, are justified. hate when this site shows its reddit-logo roots so plainly.

    • Honestly hadn't thought of it like that. And after reading some more of details OP provided in the replies, especially the fact that she was making a big deal about him approaching, makes it seem like there was some legitimate fear on her part of some sort of reprecussion.

      I just hope others take your, and other women's, perspective on this and learn something. Admittedly I figure being honest about an affair with the person that is being cheated on seems like a good thing on the surface, but it also completely devalues the woman and the situation they may have been in prior to cheating.

    • not even stopping to think about the possible violent repercussions of OPs actions

      I did think about it, but the bottom line is that if your safety relies on someone else keeping a secret for you, you need to let them in on the secret. If I'm seeing someone and they tell me that they have an abusive partner and that they're technically cheating but that they're only still in the relationship because they don't know a way to get out of it, obviously I'm not saying anything to the partner (even given the possibility that it isn't true)

      But you can't expect someone to cover for your lie when you've been lying to them

      • so she deserves whatever's coming to her basically because of that moral infraction/strategic error? real nice. top male minds of hexbear showing their whole fucking asses in this thread. you're fucking gross.

        • so she deserves whatever's coming to her

          I did not say that. What I mean is that I find it extremely unlikely that someone who fears for her safety would keep this situation from the person whose actions are required to prevent her from being put in danger. I said that if you need someone to cover for your lie, you have to let them in on your lie. The implied logic being, therefore, if she didn't, then she probably wasn't that concerned about what would happen if OP did not cover for her lie. The consequences are probably a (rightfully) ruined relationship, not violence.

    • Hot take, but there is no justification for cheating. You should just end the relationship or discuss the possibility of having an open relationship instead.

      • no justification? what about circumstances of abuse? cishet relationships are an uneven power dynamic. plenty of women out there with varying degrees of asshole husbands who they feel coerced into staying with for economic reasons or because of fear. that is how the dynamic manifests in many cases. you come across ignorant and thoughtless acting like ending a relationship is always such a simple act. this is Christian morality nonsense, non-dialectical thinking and basically doing a generalised form of victim blaming tbh. "just leave him" smh. expect a more thought out response from a woman.

        • No, it’s not Christian morality. This is the basics of ethical non-monogamy. Every person involved is aware and consents.

          If you fear your partner will be violent towards you, you need to leave. Period. Cheating will not make the problem better. People who are violent will not accept being cheated on without violence. Your number one priority should be getting yourself to a safe place away from the abuser.

          And no, I’m not ignorant about this. My parents got a divorced because of an affair. I’ve had multiple partners cheat on me before. I’ve been in an ethical non-monogamous relationship before. I’ve been in a monogamous relationship where I gave my consent that my partner could have sex with someone else. If you withhold information from someone that might make them not consent, they cannot provide informed consent. Cheating is not justified.

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