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I while ago, I used to get these nightmares. My father would be standing at the end of my bed, trying to pull me into this black hole.
I don't know what was in it, but I was terrified of it. I'd wake up yelling.
It came back last night.
Hopefully it doesnt come back again. My dad wasn't quite as negligent/abusive as yours but I used to wake up in a cold sweat from nightmares where I was escaping from him, it's an awful feeling.
Maybe it would help to remind yourself, through writing or speaking it out, how much safer and stronger you are now compared to those times? Maybe even stroking your skin or having a little ritual cleansing shower to lock it in somatically.
I find it can be healing to reinforce my current safety in my mind when it's easy to take my current situation for granted (doing so helps prevent my brain from rushing down a new avenue of anxiety because it can't inherently convince itself it's safe and okay).
Thanks for the ideas 🙂 it's worth a shot. I usually write in my journal before bed, but I've been neglectful the last week or so.