Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/danoanderson on 2023-10-07 05:37:22. *** Long story short, my father in law recently got engaged to a lady friend from church. I know her through some other people. She seemed nice enough and my wife and I were genuinely happy for my wife's father.

My wife and I recently found out that she was married 6 times previously and she had not disclosed this to my father in law. The last of the 6 marriages ended 20 years ago, and she has been single ever since.

Our mutual friends told her that she needed to come clean with my father in law.. Weeks pass by, and we keep asking these mutual friends when is she planning on having the discussion.

Meanwhile, they are planning the wedding...

My wife hates confrontation, she and I were incredulous about how much time is passed and nothing was happening.

So...yesterday I send her a text message and tell her that she needs to come clean, I told her that she can't start a new marriage off with not being honest with her future spouse and expect to have a lasting marriage. If she didn't come clean I was going to tell my father in law myself.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BridalPartyTattoos on 2023-10-07 11:26:32. *** I (35F) married the love of my life (41M) over the summer in Palm Springs. Because it was going to be obscenely hot, we made the dress code cool and casual. For the bridal party, we opted for light colors, natural fabrics, and sleeveless dresses for the bridesmaids.

My husband and I are tattoo artists. Our friends come from careers where it's okay to be tatted. So of course everybody in the bridal party is inked.

One of my bridesmaids, Corrin, is a diehard Harry Potter fan and has a full sleeve themed around it. From where she was standing at the altar, everyone could see it. And honestly, no body cared except for my step-sister Kelly.

For background, my parents split when I was little. My dad recently remarried and his wife has two kids from a previous relationship. I'm not close to his wife or her kids as they've only been in my life for maybe two years at most.

Kelly is 17 and is into social justice causes. I don't have a problem with it as I'm also involved. However, her brand of social justice is "if I think it's offensive, then you're not allowed to have it anywhere where I can see it." Which is counterproductive if you ask me.

Kelly made a big stink about Corrin's tattoos and told me that she has to get them covered up. I told her that it's not going to happen for multiple reasons. Namely, if one bridesmaid has to cover up her tats then so does everybody else. Hiring a MUA who specializes in tattoo coverups will cost extra and given the weather, makeup will melt. And I'm not about to risk someone's health by making her wear a long-sleeved anything in triple degree desert heat.

Kelly whined about being excluded to my dad about it and he and his new wife are at my throat about this. His wife is pissed that I am treating her daughter this way and that I should be mindful now that we're all family now. I've known this woman for maybe two years now. Her daughter is a blip in the timeline that is my life. Given my dad's track record with women, she'll be out of my life just as fast.

Corrin has been in my life longer than Kelly has been alive. There is a reason why I had Corrin with me at the altar and not Kelly. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Inevitable-Draft4540 on 2023-10-07 10:41:42. *** I (36F) have been seeing my Partner (40M) for eight months now and we felt it was time I met his daughter (10F) who he is a single father to. He has understandably been cautious about this and not wanting to rush into us meeting which I have fully respected. The plan was we'd go out to the Cinema then return to my place and the three of us would have dinner together.

We went to see Haunted Mansion and had a generally good time, she wasn't exactly enthused about our relationship which is to be expected as it's our first meeting but she wasn't rude either. I know it'd take time for us to grow close. At my Home I told them to relax while I got dinner started and my Partner remembered my hobby and asked if he could show my daughter my lego room. I told them to go ahead and they went off. Ten minutes later my partner came back annoyed and told me he couldn't take anything apart to let his daughter play with them. I asked him what did he mean while alarm bells were going off in my head and he told me he'd tried to take apart several of my pieces to let his daughter play with them as she wanted to.

I was angry at this point and told him that would be because i'd glued them together obviously and why would he think it was ok for him to even try and do that? he told me they're for children and it's not a big deal and if his daughter wants to play with them she should be able to and that if I want to make her happy I should be more accommodating about this.

I admit I just stood there for a minute not sure what to say before I asked him to leave and take his daughter with him as I wasn't in the mood for this anymore. He told me I was being childish and they're just toys, and asked what kind of adult I was to act this way. At this point I just told him to get out immediately.

I went to assess the damage after they left and several of my pieces had been moved from their shelves and tables clearly tried to pull them apart. Thankfully no damage was done. He has been texting me berating me for acting like a child and how he was ashamed of me and how i'd sent his child away without any dinner. I do feel a bit guilty over not feeding her when i'd promised to (to be clear they are in no way struggling and while I didn't feed her she wouldn't go hungry that day) but I was just shocked by his behaviour.

AITA? Should I have fed them? did I perhaps overreact?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Independent_Exam2271 on 2023-10-07 10:03:11. *** I (29F) won't say the diagnosis, but it causes me to be ill very often; it's a miracle if there's one week where I'm not sick. This diagnosis means I'm prone to getting ill and will often easily pick up whatever my work colleagues or anyone who is sick and is around me has. My immune system is weak, and whereas people are often told to rest and take paracetamol/ibuprofen, I have to go to my GP for solid antibiotics to fight this infection as my immune system can't. Although I have this diagnosis, I don't talk about it or complain and get on with the day.

Anyway, this is a recent issue. About three weeks ago, I became ill. This was the worst type of illness I experienced, and my doctor booked me in for a next-day appointment and diagnosed me with what she thought was the diagnosis and what she thought was the correct treatment. I came home and took the treatment but didn't feel better after a few days, so I called my doctor, who upped the dosage. Usually, although I'm ill, I'm alright on my own, but I just was so poorly I couldn't get out of bed for this illness. I asked my oldest sister if she could just come down and look after me for a few hours, and she said she couldn't, which I respected as she does have a one-year-old son now. I asked my middle sister, who's currently unemployed, and she just said no, and I'm not going to lie; I was pissed with her.

A few days later, I felt worse and decided to call the ambulance, and the paramedics said I developed sepsis. This was the scariest moment of my life as my mum passed away due to sepsis two years ago. I was so scared I couldn't stop crying, and the paramedic comforted me. We went to A&E, and they phoned my NOK, and my oldest sister, who is NOK, said she couldn't come down. My best friend, however, drove straight down from work to be with me.

Since then, I've fully recovered from sepsis but haven't recovered mentally, if I'm honest, and the thing is, what I find difficult is whenever my sisters are ill or need money, it's always me coming down to look after them even though I have a weak immune system. I always lend them money as I don't have financial circumstances. The only person here for me in my time of need is my best friend. I'm pissed and upset with my sisters for not being there, and I felt they would know what I would think due to what happened with mum.

I haven't spoken to my sisters since then, yet they still try to call me and text me but say I'm being an asshole for being upset and ignoring them just because they weren't at the hospital. Certain family members have said I'm being childish and pathetic, and it's about time I grew up. I feel a bit guilty for not messaging my sisters, and I wonder if I'm the asshole for being upset with them and taking it too far?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/musubiwithegg on 2023-10-07 06:35:56. *** A new neighbor on ring posted that they are allergic to bbq smoke and is requesting that neighbors not barbecue at all. This person does not live directly by me but a majority of the comments find it ridiculous and are telling them they need to just stay inside. The person said they will be passing out flyers with more information. We do not barbecue much ourselves but obviously lots of people do everywhere. While I understand allergies can be very deadly I don't think it is reasonable to try and tell people to not barbecue as realistically I don't think anyone will care. Unfortunately I don't think a flyer will do much. Personally I can't imagine that this is the first time they've ever lived by people who bbq and am wondering what they have done in the past.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WildCarrotPie on 2023-10-07 08:33:29. *** I (F22) have a service dog for fainting episodes. My dog is basically my medical equipment since he alerts when he senses an oncoming episode and either breaks me out of it or keeps me safe during it. He became a huge life changer for me since I can go out in public without being anxious about fainting (which obviously isn’t helping and may cause another episode).

So yesterday I was at the grocery store buying some food and minding my business with my dog by my side (keep in mind it’s a very cute fluffy Husky dog, so I understand the urge to pet the cute creature, that’s why he has a special vest with huge ass “MEDICAL ALERT SERVICE DOG DO NOT TOUCH” on it). After a while I was approached by a young boy (around 12 or so) in a wheelchair, who asked if he could pet the dog. I politely declined, saying that the doggo is working and I’d rather not have strangers disturb the working process of my medical equipment. He insisted, and I declined again.

Then his mother approached us with the same question. I was already getting pissed, and so I snapped and told the boy that he can pet my dog only if I pet his wheelchair. His mom got annoyed, saying that it’s weird to touch others’ medical equipment, and I snapped and said “yes, that’s the fucking point”. She called me an AH and left.

In all honesty I don’t think that I’m an AH, but I’m interested whether it was an AH move to get rude and ask to touch a very personal thing in response to being asked to let them pet my service dog.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/consequentialism_97 on 2023-10-07 08:39:20. *** My [27F] little sister [24F] is getting married next summer and is in the midst of wedding planning.

As we're very very different and live on opposite coasts, I am not really involved in planning, but occasionally she will share something with me for a reaction/opinion.

Yesterday she booked her photographer and we were going over other people's online wedding photos together when she made an odd request.

She insisted we take photos in which my husband specifially does not appear, "just in case".

Not girls only, blood only, bridesmaids only- without him, in case we split. I checked.

I was honestly shocked and had to stop myself from suggesting we take photos without the groom then, since divorce seems such a likelihood these days, but it's completely put me off being there at all.

We have a child together, we're married, never said an unkind word to each other. I see no reason to imply we would ever separate.

Is this a sane ask? I've never been more than a simple wedding guest before so perhaps I am being an A?

TL,DR: Little sister asked we take photos for wedding album where my husband specifially doesn't appear, I don't want to go to the wedding.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/EarAlive8000 on 2023-10-07 05:54:28. *** I’m a high school US History teacher and I teach one period of APUSH. I have 21 kids in that class and they honestly are some of the smartest kids in their grade. I require them to form study groups and meet outside of class every unit to study. One of these groups was studying at Target. There is a Starbucks at that Target and apparently they were studying there and decided to take a break by walking around Target.

I was also at Target with my wife and her sister at the time. One of them was being pushed around in a shopping cart and all of them were acting more like kindergartners than 16 year olds. They said hello to me in the aisle and I somewhat jokingly told my wife and sister in law that these are “some of the best and brightest juniors at our school”. I did not want to have an extended conversation with my students at Target so we left and I almost forgot about the whole interaction.

Later my sister in law brought it up again and said that I hurt my students’ feelings by making making sarcastic remarks about them. I don’t think they were hurt. I make fun of them sometimes and I only do it to the kids that can take a joke. I know these ones can. Besides, I didn’t say anything hurtful. I told my wife and SIL that they’re smart kids while they were doing some pretty stupid things. I don’t think I said anything wrong but my SIL is insisting that I’m hurting the kids’ self esteem. AITA? Is my old age making me insensitive and out of touch with the young’uns?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Legitimate-Echo2738 on 2023-10-07 03:48:58. *** I (33M) and my gf (32F) moved in together a couple of months ago, and everything has been good so far except for one thing. We both have to be at work at 8 - my job is less than a mile away so I get up at 7, hers is about a half-hour commute so she naturally gets up earlier.

But here's the thing, instead of doing it the usual way, she will set her alarm for 5:30 or 5:40 and then keep hitting snooze until 6:30, or she'll set it for 5:30 and then reset it a half-hour later, and so on.

Sometimes she'll get up at 5:30 and lay in bed looking at news or memes or whatever on her phone, and when she does that she usually falls back asleep with no alarm set, until either I wake her up or she wakes up to my alarm in a panic. The snooze button or the reset are annoying, but this one is the worst, because when she does it, I am now automatically lying there awake until she either gets out of bed or (usually) falls back asleep so I can wake her up, because if I do try to go back to sleep, that's in the back of my mind and I'm all restless.

Anyway, this is killing me and I am dog tired at the start of every morning and usually throughout the day. I asked her why she does it that way, and she said she was used to it from before, when she used to wake up and run or go to the gym in the morning before work. I told her, well you don't go to the gym in the morning now, so what are you doing? All this does is wake us both up. She didn't like that, and admittedly I may have been a little gruff because this was at the start of the morning when I was tired and at my worst. But I kind of think I've got a point. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/lalaland554 on 2023-10-07 00:06:08. *** So I (30F) and my husband (32M) have been married for 2 years, we have one child (1M). My husband recently obtained his dream job of being a police officer. Where I am from you go to police College after being hired for 3 months, and his police force does an additional 2 months after. Both places this training occurs is about 3 hours away, so he lives there Monday to Friday evening, and comes home Friday night until Sunday morning. I work a stressful job and am and will remain the breadwinner in my role, I recently found daycare for my son for my 9-5 job.

From Monday to Friday I am absolutely doing everything myself, I take care of our son, dog, home, everything alone since my husband doesn't live here. He is essentially only home Saturday the full day, and this is the only time I would get a break from running everything, or even just showering alone, poop alone etc.

Here is the dilemma, he agreed when he comes on the weekends I would get a break as his evenings at school are his to workout, relax, do homework whatever. On this upcoming Saturday, he booked a tee time as a rain check from a previous golf time earlier in the summer. The money already was paid and He booked a Tee time with his brother for the Saturday morning. It's about an hour drive from our house to the golf course (2 hour round trip) and 18 holes can take them anywhere from 4-5.5 hours depending on speed of play. I tried to say it's not fair he uses the only day he is home to be essentially gone most of the day to golf. He said he wants time for himself too, but when I suggested play 9 instead he flat out said no And that he booked it and he was just telling me what he was doing Saturday.

So aita for making this a big deal and being really upset? I just feel like I do everything to hold down our home and family and he doesn't care and even when he has the opportunity to come home, spend time with us, and lighten the load a bit and be a family, he chooses a stupid game over us...

Edit: he thinks I'm the asshole because he doesn't see that he wants time to himself too to unwind from his week, but from my perspective, he gets that by living away, not having go worry about any house responsibilities,cooking etc. His whole week is just focusing on school and himself

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ExaminationTop8159 on 2023-10-07 03:02:57. *** So my girlfriend got a dui and lost her license and car. I have a couple vehicles mostly for work and my employees. One being a Honda pilot I occasionally used when I didn't want to drive the truck. I previously told her before her dui she could use this vehicle because she would be covered under my fleet insurance. However now she has this dui charge she would need an interlock device installed and I don't want to jeprodize my fleet insurance by putting her on my insurance. Her solution is I sell her the car (12k$) value roughly to her at a discounted price her suggestion (3k$). I'm not totally sold on this idea she says if I cared about her I would just give her the vehicle. I say just spend 3k on something else then why does it have to be my car? Very confusing situation for me AITA for not being more outgoing in this situation?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/gobskin on 2023-10-07 05:57:59. *** I moved in with my 4 friends at the beginning of this year for university. I brought up the importance of having a spare key but everyone said it would be useless because there was always someone in the house. Well, as of last night D-day came. Before I left my roommate said that she was going out to get sushi, and then my other roommate left for Accapella practice. I had a party for my frat that I needed to attend so I got my things, left the house and locked the door behind myself (as you do). This is important because my roommates are terrible at remembering their keys and always forget to lock the door (even in the middle of the night when everyone is home). Also important to mention no one was home.

So, I’m at the party and my roommate calls me saying to let her in. I said I was occupied and to call the other roommates. She calls them and apparently they offered to come and open the door for her or invite them to their locations. She turned them down saying that it was my mistake for locking the door and that I should have left it unlocked for her (I had no way of knowing she left her keys), and that it was my responsibility to rectify my mistake by letting her in. She contacted me again and I told her I was occupied. I then get a slurry of texts calling me an asshole and to “go f\\\* myself”. I thought she was just venting so I just turned off my phone and enjoyed the rest of the party.

I got home and she begins to scream at me for locking her out and then not letting her in, and forcing her to spend 2 hours outside on the porch steps in the cold. I asked why she didn’t get any of our other roommates and she gave me the same speech about it being my responsibility. I am very avoidant of conflict so I said, “sorry that you were out in the cold, but your poor planning does not constitute an emergency for me.” I then left, went to bed and have spent the day in bliss.

She has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since and has said she no longer wants to be friends with me. I am concerned she may be telling the truth and I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I also don’t want to walk on eggshells around someone like that.

Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/JustTooCompetitive on 2023-10-07 02:22:48. *** I [18M] have an invisible disability, the gist of it being that I can't stand for long periods of time. Usually on the bus, I would try to sit if I can, sometimes in the priority seating. However, nothing appears wrong with me, I'm just a young "healthy" guy to most people.

Several times, I've been yelled at by strangers for not giving up my seat for someone pregnant or elderly, and I'm getting sick and tired of having to tell people that I actually have a disability, not that many people would believe me anyways.

I came up with the idea of getting a walking cane when I go in public, and occasionally I would walk with a slight limp when getting on and off the bus. Technically the cane does help with my issue a tiny bit, but I really don't need the cane. This usually gets people off my back, and when people give me the side eye, I usually put my cane in full view, sometimes stamping it on the ground a few times to indicate that I have a disability.

Some of my friends think I'm a jerk for "faking" my disability, since I can walk just fine, but I think I'm justified because I have a real disability, and the cane stops people from harassing me.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MissIndependent17 on 2023-10-06 23:45:08. *** So my (26f) husband (26m) is obsessed with football. Like to the point that it’s taking over all of his free time during the fall. We have a 7 month old little boy, and I’ve been trying for awhile to convince my husband to take a Saturday away from football so we can take our kid to the zoo for the first time. He’s had varying excuses, like it’s going to be too hot, there’s a big game that he wants to watch, or there’s too much stuff to do around the house, so I’ve let it go.

So tomorrow is going to be the first day in the area we live in where the weather is actually cooling off. I’ve been really excited all week thinking about what we should do with the first day it’s actually going to feel like fall weather and I mentioned to my husband this morning that I want to take our son to the zoo tomorrow morning since it will be so nice out. He agreed at first, because he loves cooler weather as well, but then he remembered that there’s a big college football game on tomorrow smack in the middle of when the zoo will be open. He wants to wait for the game to be over before going to the zoo, but at that point we’ll only have an hour or two left for the zoo to be open and we’ll miss the coolest time of the day. He’s also planning on going to a football viewing party all day on Sunday, so it’s not just like we can go then. I am working overtime the next few weekends, and I don’t know when the weather is going to be good again.

So, WIBTA if I just went without him and leave him to watch his football game? Or even if I said that I’m taking our son in the morning and he can choose to come with or not?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BeeFine9818 on 2023-10-07 03:54:18. *** My brother in law called my husband a fake ass dad because we are foster parents (due to having 6 years of a infertility battle) My husband hide him saying that from me for over a year. When my husband told me it ate away at me. I ended up put a post on Facebook not saying anyone’s names or any specifics just stating that. “I hope your wife never feels that pain… I hope you get the gift of having a biological family.” Well brother in law sees the nonchalant post and his wife texts me that I am a horrible person I cause drama and states that I SHOULD have put names in the post and SHOULD have tagged them. We removed them from our life do to how they have treated us. Fast forward 1 month brother in law announces they are expecting. He calls my husband and says “we need to fix our issue’s because you need to be in my child’s life” my husband responds congratulations and they haven’t spoke since. Baby was born we were never invited to anything. We have not seen the baby nor spoke to them… I guess my question is AITA- for not saying congratulations or sending a gift or attempting to be in the babies life. I have plans to send gifts to baby at Halloween and Christmas for birthdays etc… but should I!??

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Tough-Sandwich-1774 on 2023-10-07 00:34:31. *** I've been married to my wife for four years, and we have a two-year-old son together. She was a widow and lost her fiancé in a car accident two years before we met. I've always respected her grief and never pressured her to forget him.

However, she still keeps some of his items in our home, like photos, clothes, jewelry, and even the engagement ring he gave her. She says they are important memories and that I shouldn't be bothered by them. But I am bothered because I feel like she hasn't completely moved on from him, and I'm just a replacement.

I want her to get rid of these items or at least store them somewhere else, like at her parents' house or in storage. I think it would be good for both of us as it would help us focus more on our relationship and our child. I don't want him to grow up seeing these things and thinking I'm not his real father.

She refuses to do this and says I'm being insensitive and selfish. She says I can't erase her past and that I should accept her as she is. She says she loves me, and that's what matters.

I don't know what to do. I love my wife, but I don't want to live in the shadow of a ghost. AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TopCow9933 on 2023-10-07 03:58:26. *** My son is in the 5th grade and he recently had to testify in court over something that happened when he was 8. The whole ordeal has been traumatic for him. His mom/my ex has made the situation worse by making it all about her.

Very long story short, no one in our immediate circle knew about this until this week. My son's teacher mentioned how Eli hasn't been himself. Usually he's talkative, social, silly but can focus when he needs too. I told her he's going through something temporarily and we're aware and working on it. That's all she needs to know. In no way was he disruptive or causing trouble.

I guess that piqued her interest so she asked my ex who told her everything. No one, no one, at his school knew until then. Instead of keeping this information to herself, his teacher asked him to stay at recess to talk to him AND another teacher was in the classroom. His teacher said she knew what was going on, loved him and would be there for him and gave him a hug.

He came home so angry that I had to hold him back. We all do therapy and our therapist suggested that we allow our son to tell his teacher how he felt. His mom got hers and agreed to let me handle Eli's school year.

We met with his teacher and I explained that my ex had no business telling her about my son's personal business and how his teacher had no business letting him know that she knew. She should had asked if it was okay to offer her support. His teacher said it was regretful and she told no one else.

I said but you had another teacher in the room. She explained she had to. You can't be in a classroom alone with one kid. She said that teacher wasn't even listening. I said you don't get it. I told her I was tired of debating her and my son wants to tell you how he feels.

My son looked at her and said "I hate you so much and I hope you die." It was brutal. I didn't say anything. The teacher apologized again. She said she wished she could do it over. I said then we should have him go to Mr. D's class (the other 5th grade teacher). She didn't want to do that because she "really wanted Eli" in her class. I said, no, you just don't want the principal to know what you did.

She and I agreed to ask for the switch on the basis that we have a legal conflict of interest that we cannot discuss. The other teacher couldn't care less swapping one student out for Eli.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No-Yellow-4771 on 2023-10-07 02:09:58. *** English isn’t my first language Fake names

So I’m(28f) engaged to Jake(27f) we have been together 5 years and I’m currently pregnant with our second child who’s due any day now. I get along with his family expect for Jenny who was dating Jake from ages 14 to 16 she ended moving in with them because of issues at home and she is also super close to his sister, Jake told me when they broke up it caused issues and he ended moving out at 17 to live with his uncle which Jenny saw as them choosing her.

Jake was no contact with his family when we got together but they ended up speaking again after we had our first child and Jenny had at that stage claimed them as her own family for as long as I’ve known her, she makes jokes about being the favourite and that if any of the siblings or their partners gets on her wrong side she’ll have them kicked out of the family like she did Jake (not true)

When we first met them jenny was extremely cold and rude to me she kept making comments about how disappointed she was in jake . Obviously it’s not gotten better she literally told me multiple times I’ll never be part of “their” family and keeps making out I’m just a fling that will disappear any day

My in laws had a get together tonight for dinner and a few drinks obviously with my being two days over due everyone was buzzing and giving me attention which pissed Jenny off. I came out of the bathroom at one stage and Jenny who clearly had one to many was waiting for me She told me that no matter how many times I get knocked up or even when I wear my white dress (she looked me up and down) tho I shouldn’t she’ll still be always more important because if they choose her over their own son they’ll definitely choose her over some slut who got knocked up after dating a guy for 6 weeks.

I told her actually I’m more important and I’m never going away because I’m the mother of their grandchildren and I’m gonna have their last name which Jake nor his parents ever give her and all she is to them is a charity case who needs to get over her ex (whole different story there) and she needs to see a therapist to work on her issues, than I told her sober up she looks pathetic

She than broke down crying and everyone came to see what was going on I told Jake I wanted to go home. His family are on my side after hearing the whole story but his sister is mad for what I told her and said it’s triggered her abandonment issues which will put Jenny back into a dark place

Edit to fix some grammar

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TacoBell4312 on 2023-10-07 01:34:19. *** My husband and I have a twin (Jack, and Clara). They made a new friend, Josh. He came to our house multiple times and slept over once. They wanted to go to his place. We've met his parents. The looked very responsible. After a couple of visits, my son told me that Josh's older sister (18-19) is weird. When she watched them play a video game or something, she always seemed to linger and weirdly watch them. She attempts to talk to them but doesn't really say anything. She tried to get closer to them but they don't like it when she does that. It wasn't surprising to me. When we went to visit once, we talked about our kids and theirs including Josh's sister. If she had friends she wouldn't have tried to befriend younger kids.

One day, our kids were having a sleepover at Josh's, in addition to another friend (Sara). We dropped them off, said hi to the parents, and left. Clara is a very light sleeper, if anyone walks into the room she'll wake up. Since Josh sometimes snores, his parents prepared the guest room for Clara to sleep in (the guest room is beside Josh's, his sister and the parents' rooms).

So, during that sleepover, Clara woke up and saw that Josh's sister was in her room standing by the door. The girl said that the air conditioner didn't work in her room and she felt hot. She apologized and left. I don't know how the girl managed to walk in, close the door, and wander the room without Clara waking up.

After the girl left Clara stayed awake for a couple of a while, then went to check on her brother and to go to the bathroom. She walked and saw the girl leaving Josh's room, where Josh, Jack, and Sara were sleeping. The girl said she forgot her charger in there (she was holding a charger) so Clara didn't think she was lying, but it was scary at night. She told Clara to go and sleep unless she didn't like the guest's room she could sleep in her parents' room, or hers. Clara said "Thanks, but I'm comfortable in the guest's". According to Clara, the girl was very calm and composed, not fazed at all by her being seen acting like this. As if she wasn't "caught".

As I said, we knew the girl was weird. My husband and I didn't see anything so alarming. But my sister did. I always listen to my sister because I am not good at decision-making and judging, I've always tried to learn from her but she is more socially aware. My husband is just like me. We decided to not let our kids go there unless the big sister wasn't in the house. So, when they told us they wanted to go the next weekend, we didn't allow it. Our kids didn't complain much, but Josh and his parents weren't happy when we told them our kids would only come if their daughter wasn't there because she is questionable and unsettling to be around. The parents were mad and my husband said I was rude.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/etsyaita on 2023-10-07 00:48:25. *** My wife (27F) owns an Etsy shop where she sells handmade jewelry. She has some real talent and the jewelry she sells is genuinely very nice and high quality. She gets a surprising amount of sales on there too, and has great reviews.

The issue is that EVERYWHERE we go, EVERY conversation she has, she slips in something about her shop and tries to promote it. Talking to a friend? She'll casually mention a big sale she made or a custom order she got and not-very-subtly mention that she'd give her friend a coupon or something similar. Talking to our waiter? She'll mention that she has a pair of earrings on her shop that would compliment their eyes. Talking to someone online? She'll somehow manage to say "as the owner of a small business.." She literally cannot have a conversation anywhere with anyone without trying to sell them her jewelry.

The other day was a family member's birthday, and they were having a decently-sized get-together with just other family members and a few close friends. I went with my wife, and she's a pretty social person even outside of promoting her shop so she was quickly making conversation with my family. Of course not 5 minutes later she was showing someone the bracelet she had on that she made and mentioning that she sells them and talking about how since they were family she would happily give them a 25% discount. She probably had that exact same conversation with at least 5 people during the 2 hours we were there.

As soon as we left I spoke to her and said she needs to quit doing that. I told her if people were actually interested, they would ask her about her store, but not every single person she talks to wants or needs to hear about her art. She got upset and said that she just wants to spread her product and doesn't see what she's doing wrong and hasn't spoken to me much since. I feel like I'm the asshole since I will admit I had a pretty harsh tone and could've been a lot nicer during that conversation, plus I get she's just trying to sell her products, even if it gets obnoxious. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRAclockinout on 2023-10-07 02:15:47. *** My(33M) brother( 37M)and his wife(36F) are pretty open books when it comes to their issues. The issue they face is they have 2 daughters(15F, 17F) that are obese. Apparently their doctor brought this up and the school nurse raised concerns to them as well.

While I was visiting them, and when the girls had gone to their rooms, they began venting to me that they feel like their daughters run the house. They don't do chores or pitch in with anything. This led to them telling me the girls snack constantly. They asked if I had any advice

Now, I'm not a parent, but, my brother & his wife are both pretty receptive to get advise from almost anyone. They are just looking for any ideas.

I said, that if I were them, I'd reassert myself as an authority figure, write the chores out, make sure they get done, and make sure they know what happens if chores don't get done.

As far as the snacking, I told them if it were me, I'd just throw the snacks out, go cold turkey. I added that, on top of no snacks, I'd advise they take seriously what the dr. and school nurse said, and told them it's time to put their daughters on diets.

My SIL argued that they'd be miserable on diets. I argued that, given each of them is 210+, they're already miserable most likely. This appalled them both.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Electronic-Bird-151 on 2023-10-07 00:36:30. *** I, 30s female am friends with a couple, also in their 30s, Dan and Tina. I'm more friends with Dan since I've known him 15 years, but I've known Tina for 7 years. They have a 4yo daughter, Ally. Dan and Tina recently broke up and Tina wants to move back home to the west coast, we're all currently on the east coast. Naturally the topic of child custody for Ally came up while Dan was hanging out with my and my husband. Dan wants to propose that he and Tina each get 6 months of custody with Ally. Jan 1st-June 30th then July 1st-Dec 31st and it switches off like that every year. I asked what about Ally going to school next year? Dan said she'd be with one of them until end of December then fly across the country and spend the other half of the school year with the other parent. I told Dan that idea is completely stupid and will never work. You can't uproot a kid in the middle of every school year. No judge with any common sense would ever sign off on that agreement. Plus, Ally needs a primary residence for school, doctors, and extracurriculars and anything else. Dan didn't like being told that and ended up leaving before dinner. My husband says while he understands my views I was really harsh. I personally feel that arrangements would be an absolute nightmare for Tina, especially as she gets older and doubt any court would allow it. I did text Dan to apologize for my wording, but no response yet.

AITA?

Edit: I know I was harsh. I reacted to a surprisingly bad idea in a very poor manner. That said, that's been our friendship for years. We've always called each other out over things that were stupid or we didn't think through. Dan's called me out countless times and I have him. He's never actually been upset before.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/IntolerantCheeseFart on 2023-10-06 21:59:30. *** I live in kind of a fancy pants neighborhood and it’s a pretty stark contrast to my own person. I’m heavily tattooed and self made + pretty down to earth I’d say. Most of the people living here on the other hand were born into wealthy families and are complete snobs, except for the guy across the street. Shoutout to David if you’re reading this.

I was enjoying my week off today as the doorbell rang. I opened up and there they stood, the three Stooges. Some neighbors gathered to complain about my kid.

They were less than pleased with him drawing with chalk around the streets and onto their perimeter walls (he didn’t enter any properties just drew from the sidewalk).

The chalk is normal grocery store chalk and washes off extremely easily. If it’s not thickly applied you can even somewhat blow it off. One rain and it’s gone. None of the color stains, nothing stays behind.

They kept on ranting and I couldn’t contain my chuckling. I usually am pretty strict, but this was just hilarious to me. 3 grown men complaining about a kid drawing flowers and such with chalk.

They threatened to get the police involved. I told them that I’d love to laugh and chit chat about these completely hysterical complaints with an officer. After that I basically laughed them off the porch.

As for my kid, I’ll definitely not discipline him for going out there and being a kid, not causing damage or harm, but just chalking some very short lived doodles. I’m more sad for the bitter Stooges who can’t enjoy a childs drawings. If any of their kids were to draw onto mu front porch even, I’d sit down with them and ask them about their cool little drawings and listen to them explaining their little worlds to me.

Am I going crazy? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No_Cauliflower9242 on 2023-10-06 21:09:16. *** I (26F) have an older sister (28F). My sister is on the autistic spectrum but I’m unsure whereabouts on the scale she is. We’ve been informed she won’t be fully independent but she’s getting help to try and be as independent as she can by making her life easier for her.

Our parents are now both deceased unfortunately but our sister was very much allowed to get away with stuff as a child. For instance if she didn’t want to wash for a week she didn’t have to. If she wanted ice cream for dinner she could have ice cream for dinner.

The thing is my brother and I work full time and he has a family of his own now. We’re never around and felt this would be neglegent and unfair to our sister so moved her into assisted living where she lives with other female special needs adults and a support worker. Because my brother has a family and I don’t I pay 75% and he pays 25% of her cost.

My sister stays round every weekend and I take her places to make it enjoyable. As a child my sister was allowed to eat as much takeaways as she wanted and I decided to be strict. Don’t get me wrong, there are days where I’m too tired to cook after coming home from work so I do get a takeaway. She asks for a takeaway all the time when she’s round mine and I say no we’re having a home cooked meal. She goes into a meltdown and won’t eat the home cooked meal. There is food in the house she can eat.

My brother thinks I’m being an asshole for not letting her eat what she wants for meals so AITA for refusing to give in and let her eat what she wants?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Mission-Victory-3775 on 2023-10-06 22:17:10. *** I 36 female have a brother Keith (34) and a sister Ashley (22).

Keith and I have the same mom and dad. Our parents divorced when we were 7. Our dad married our step mother and Ashley is my dad and step mothers daughter. Ashley is technically my 1/2 sister but she is my best friend and I love her more than anything. Keith and I have never been close despite having the same parents.

My dad bought his house with my step mother when I was 18 and Keith was 16. I have no sentimental attachment to the house since I didn’t live in it long and my sister lived there her whole life. My brother was never really close to our dad and always said he disliked our dad.

My step mother passed away a few years ago. Our father passed away this year from cancer. Ashley and I helped take care of him so Keith already knew his portion of the estate would be much less. Our father left Keith 10% of the estate, me 45%, and Ashley 45%.

Ashley is still in college. Keith is working and traveling. I am happily married to my husband and we are not struggling by any means.

My husband and I talked and told Ashley we’d make our guest bedroom into a room for her so she always has somewhere to come home to during college breaks. And my husband told me he promised my father we’d pay for the remainder of Ashley being in school as long as she has good grades. (My father paid for Keith and I to go to college and had the same plans for Ashley)

My husband and I also decided that we don’t need the money from my fathers estate so my portion could go to Ashley for her to have some money when college ended. She could also decide to keep the house and live there (my husband said we could buy out my brothers 10% if she couldn’t).

Keith found out about this and has completely flipped out. He doesn’t think it’s fair we’re giving this much to Ashley. He’s told our mother how I’m a monster of a sister and don’t care about him. My mother has taken his side and said I’m favoring Ashley and could have divided it between her and Keith. Ashley is 22 and Keith is 34. They’re at different parts of their life and Keith and I still have at least one parent.

I’m getting texts from family and friends that Keith has told saying how awful I’m being to him. So AITA for doing that?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Negative-Pin4757 on 2023-10-06 20:51:02. *** So I have some neighbourhood kids that live around me and they are absolutely feral. They run around screaming and beating the crap out of one another, curse adults out, and generally are just little terrors. The rest of the kids around are gems, but this set of siblings are totally out of control.

Yesterday at 5 am, they were at it again,straight up shrieking in their backyard. Their yard is adjacent to my room. I went outside and said “have you ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf? He screamed and screamed for no reason, and eventually nobody came to help when he needed it because they thought he wasn’t being honest.” I then went back in and slept for a couple more hours.

Around 7:30, I woke up to the kids’ mom outside my door, knocking like her life depended on it. When I answered, she yelled at told me I scarred her kids for life and said that I was out of line with her kids and that I was never allowed to speak to them again. I told her that if I couldn’t speak to her kids or her when they were being loud at 5 am, I’d just call the cops. She said that she couldn’t control when her kids woke up and that she shouldn’t be punished for it. I agreed, but added that I also shouldn’t be punished because the kids she chose to have wake up at 5.

If it were after 7 am, or the kids were super young, I would give them a pass, but the kids are 6 and 9. Maybe I’m bonkers, but that seems like a reasonable age to know about quiet play. If it only happened every so often, I wouldn’t mind. Kids are kids. But this is daily and I am tired of it.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WiseIndustry676 on 2023-10-06 20:39:18. *** I (22F) hate texting - I only text people once a day. The issue is I have a friend who loves texting and is constantly messaging every second. Many of his friends and family don't mind it and some do. Some people had to have profound words with him over him texting them constantly and he's respected chiefly their wishes and has slowed down with the texts.

For the last six months, he's been sending messages in a way he thinks it's the funniest thing in the world but it annoys the fuck out of me. I think it would do with everyone else, but instead of texting, "Hey, how are you?" he decides to text like this: "H e y h o w a r e y o u ?" and sends the letters all individually.

When he texted the first time, I thought even though I found it annoying, I'd ignore it as he's only done it once, but he continued to send messages like that. After the third time, I asked politely if he could stop sending me messages like that, as it's annoying. He said he would continue to send messages like this on and off. I told him numerous times to stop, and a few times, I've said it's childish, pathetic and stupid to send messages like that, and it's not funny. He has admitted to sending messages like that because he gets a thrill, as he knows it pisses me off.

A year ago, I decided to move from Android to iPhone and finally invested in an excellent iPhone 7 and turned on iMessage. I wonder if effects are the correct terminology, but along with the messages, he would send these effects, mainly one effect: the laser where the laser shows up on a text.

Recently, I had to turn off all messaging notifications like Messenger, Snapshot and WhatsApp because he's constantly sending me messages like this. Not only that, I am a full-time undergraduate student and I need to concentrate on my studies and I have notified him in the past that I am studying and not to message me but he sends the messages like that even with the notifications off.

I finally snapped. I went on messages and found out I had 67 messages from him all individuals. I sent him this exact message:

"Mate

Listen, I get you think that this is hilarious sending individual letter messages but it's not. I think it's pathetic and childish and annoying; after all, you are 22. I have told you so many times to please stop sending me messages like that because it's annoying, and even you said you only do it to get a kick out of annoying me. Not only do you say you're a friend but I have told you in the past I am studying and to please not message me unless it's an emergency and yet within a minute you're responding by sending individual letter messages. Because and only because of you I've turned all my messaging notifications of on any platform I have where I am able to send messages and I think it's childish and pathetic and you should grow up. So fuck off and don't text me unless you're going to text like normal people do."

Reddit, AITA for this and if so/not, why?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Intelligent-Tone-473 on 2023-10-06 23:14:53. *** My fiancé (37m) and I (28f) have been together for 9 years, living together for 4. He recently, within the past four months, has decided to go on a keto diet and is spending most of his free time at the gym getting in shape. He also read a book about the health benefits of a keto diet. He was never overweight, he just wants to get more fit, healthy and muscular, according to him. I have always been in relatively good shape, I am 5’3” and weigh between 125 and 130 pounds at any given time. I’m probably 10 pounds heavier than when we met, but I’ve been a consistent weight for at least four or five years now.

I’ve also been eating/cooking keto in order to support my fiancé, but when he’s not around, I don’t mind eating carbs from time to time. I’m an Italian girl and love my pasta!

So on Wednesday night when we were cleaning up the kitchen, he took off the rubber bit in the sink drain to wash down some stuck food. In the drain he noticed one grain of cooked rice. Literally one grain of rice was in the drain. I had Chinese takeout for lunch that day, and because I knew he wouldn’t be home while I was eating, I thought I was OK to have rice because he wasn’t there to be tempted.

Tonight will be two full days that he hasn’t talked to me since the rice incident. He says that I am not supportive of him, and if I can go behind his back and sneak carbs, he doesn’t trust that I won’t go behind his back and cheat with another man! I’ve never cheated, and I’ve never given him reason to cheat. Once we moved in together, he didn’t want me to have male friends and I’ve stuck to that. I’m beside myself. I don’t know what I did wrong or even if I did anything wrong. I truly do want to support him in his health journey, and if I knew it was such a big deal, I never would’ve had the rice. He’s called me an asshole among other names, and says that he’s not sure that he can continue with our relationship. I know that being in a successful, committed relationship takes some sacrifices. Did I screw up here? Am I the asshole?

Please be kind. This is the only relationship I’ve ever been in, and I’m not experienced with this sort of thing.

Edit:

Thanks for the responses. I’m pretty embarrassed now that I posted because everyone seems to be saying a variation of the same thing.

Just to clarify, he was ok with me having work guy friends when I worked and went to school. I don’t work now so he thinks it’s unnecessary to have other male friends since it’s not critical to a career. He has female friends at work so that’s different. I don’t mind who he’s friends with because I trust him. He said if I was still working that I could have my male work friends again. I’m not working because he doesn’t want me to and now I think I’m going to go throw up after reading what I just wrote.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/UpstairsEgg6346 on 2023-10-06 22:33:58. *** My(m43) mother had one sibling, my uncle who was survived by his 2 daughters; Ann(26) and Lisa (24).

My uncle wasn't the best with money. Growing up Ann and Lisa didn't have much. So every time I would fly over to the states and visit I would try my best to spoil them, however I could. Especially as my business grew bigger and better, I tried my best to support my two cousins. They're my last piece of extended family, and they're like little sisters to me.

Their father passed away from covid. Didn't leave them much.

Last year Ann got married to her 'soulmate', overall great guy; has a good career, respectful, faithful, trustworthy, and humble. I couldn't be happier for her. I pitched in together with the groom's parents to pay for the wedding. Nothing too expensive or outrageous but we all agreed it's a good gift for newlyweds to start their life.

Now this week. Lisa says she wants to marry her current boyfriend/fiancé, MJ. Obviously she asked me if I would be willing to pay. And normally I would. But not if she is marrying this dude. I can't in good conscience spend so much money on a relationship I do not believe in with a guy I absolutely dislike and completely disapprove of.

I only met MJ a couple of times but from my interactions with him this is what I got: he has a hood mentality, he completely disrespects my eastern European heritage, he cheated on her once, he works a part time job as a cashier and has no goals or aspirations for the future.

I told her, she is welcome to get married to him, and I will come to her wedding and giver her a gift, but she can forget about me footing the bill if she really wishes to marry MJ.

Well she got extremely angry, called me an asshole and whatnot. But what bugs me is that my wife's I'm an ahole for 'playing' favorites and "controlling" who Lisa marries.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CantModGamesHelp on 2023-10-06 21:53:37. *** Context: growing up my dad has sports cars, and I was never allowed to drive them, even once I got my license. My older brother however could drive whatever car he wanted whenever he pleased.

Im in my mid 20s now, and I am still forbidden from driving any of his cars. Recently I got my dream car, 1969 dodge charger RT. I've been saving up for a decade for this car, and sacrificed a lot to get this car, its even a manual.

Well the other day when I was showing my parents my dad wanted to take it out for a joy ride, I told him no. When he asked why I basically told him "you never let me enjoy your cars why should I let you enjoy mine?". I did let them ride in it with my mom driving, but my mom always let me drive her truck whenever. I feel kinda like an asshole for not letting him drive it but I also feel it's fair since he never let me enjoy his. I probanly have a chip on my shoulder too since its my dream car and its insane to see a decade of work come together for it.

AITA for not letting my dad drive it?

Edit for info: I am male, but I'm the youngest of my siblings. The brother mentioned here is the first born, who can do no wrong.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Critical_Morning7896 on 2023-10-06 20:59:52. *** So I (23F) was raised in a very veryyyy religious household. My parents are sunni muslims and from when I was 5 years old I had to wear the hijab and pretty much had religious dogma shoved down my throat.

When I was 16 I tried to take off my hijab and my parents freaked out (my mom even cut off my hair in an attempt to force me to wear the hijab). Eventually once I was 18 I managed to escape via uni and had very limited contact with them since. Luckily I am in Canada so there wasnt much they could do to me once I turned 18...

My younger brother (15M) reached oht recently to say that my dad is quite sick in the hospital and keeps asking for me and asked if I could come and see him and wear the hijab just to give him peace in case he does not recover.

A part of me wants to see them again but I have a lot of trauma regarding my hair...it took years to grow it after my mom cut it off and being forced to stay gome with no friends growing up made me quite stunted in uni which ngl makes me very resentful.

My bro is very understanding and isnt religious himself (apparently my mom and dad chilled out once I went LC) but he feels bad for my dad and mom so he's pretty much begging me to just do this once for them and then cut them off for good.

Im ok to see my dad in the hospital (maybe not my mom she was the disciplinarian growing up) but putting the hijab back on is a no go. I wasted 18 yeads of my life wearing this and I cant stomach another second...

My bf also understands and has my back but I cant help but feel a bit guilty? So reddit AITA? Or should I stay firm and maybe even go full no contact if things escalate?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/babydoll_j on 2023-10-06 13:25:09. *** Typing on mobile so I apologize.

I (21f) have been dating my bf (23m) for over a year. His ex gf (28f) had their daughter in 2021. She’s now almost 3 and such a lovely kid.

BM and I have not really gotten along that well, we’re civil at pickups and drop offs but we aren’t friends at all. We both have very different views on a lot of things. She’s very much on the crunchy/hippie mom type of thing. No big deal, everyone lives their lives in different ways and I don’t have a problem with it.

His daughter started spending the weekends at our place and it’s been a great time. Her mother gave me a list of all of her favorite foods which was perfectly fine because I wasn’t sure what she liked at all. Now here’s the issue, she buys all natural and some vegan style foods for their daughter. Once again no biggie she wants her daughter to eat healthy and all of that jazz BUT she has food stamps.. She is able to spend a good chunk of money on all of these foods for her daughter so she eats healthy. My bf and I don’t have food stamps since we don’t qualify for it (we actually tried to get them).

We had BM over for dinner so she could see the place and her eyes nearly burst out of her skull at some of the stuff I had. I got a good amount of off brand healthy stuff for their daughter. She started tell me that I needed the on brand stuff since it’s all she buys and etc etc. After she left I talked to my bf about all of it and he said that he just wants to make BM happy and that we should just follow all of her rules and such. I rarely give my opinion on things regarding their daughter but I just can’t hold back on this because it’s starting to bother me and we really can’t afford to get these things.

So, WIBTA for telling my boyfriend how to raise his daughter at our house?

Edit for any confusion, when I said BM i meant baby mom, not bio mom. sorry for the confusion

Edit 2: I would also like to add that our budget is between $200-$250 depending on what we need. He does give me money for her groceries and snacks specifically. Our last shopping trip we went over our budget to about $325 because I decided I would just buy the name brand stuff. We work out of finances on every check and split everything evenly for whatever we need like groceries, bills, rent, miscellaneous stuff we might need during the month.

Final Edit: Wow okay so I got a lot of mixed answers lol. I know the title seemed misleading I just didn’t know how to phrase it at first. With all the comments I read and replied to really makes me feel like I wouldn’t be the AH which I appreciate a lot. I’m planning on talking to my boyfriend about everything and setting up boundaries and such with his ex gf. Thank you guys so much and I’ll try to reply to more comments.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BlondeEmo317 on 2023-10-06 21:10:11. *** This will be my first post. So bare with me.

I (28f) have two children by my ex (32m).

It's been a decade since I had our kids, and he has never had anything to do with them. I never got help, no child support, nothing. Only one person in his family was somewhat in their lives. His parents, never were, but his mother likes to play grandma of the year. Late last year he told the family member we do talk to he was wanting to make amends. I spoke to him first, telling him that I wasn't doing this in and out bs, and he better make sure he wanted to stay, because if he walked out I'm done and will be going for child support. He said that's fine and he wanted to be in their lives. So I talked to my kids, and they also wanted it. So I said fine. He hung out with them 1-2 days A MONTH. That's it, which was fine, as long as he was consistent. After about 4 months he stopped texting me back, and reblocked me on everything. So I did what I said I was going too, and took him for child support. His family was mad, and acted like I'm the person at fault and that their precious baby shouldn't have to take responsibility. Well our final court date was Wednesday, and I got my child support. Yesterday, I ran into his dad, and he wanted to talk to me. He basically said he'd make sure he'd get the kids and take care of them two weekends a month if I drop the child support. He apparently has another child he pays on, which total for both child support cases its almost 700$ a month. He makes 2200, and his dad said he won't have any money left over. His parents bought him a house and pay his bills. I know he blows a lot of money but I'm not sure why I should drop my child support because his dad wants to continue to coddle him? I took care of them by myself, with no help from them. I paid for everything and made sure they had everything. Why should I continue to pay for everything so he can be forced into a relationship with them?

I'm a people pleaser and I feel bad, but at the same time I don't. So I just want to know if I'm the asshole if I tell them screw off I'm taking his money?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/InquisitiveMomAsks on 2023-10-06 20:17:05. *** Throwaway. First time posting. Fake names used.

There's a lot going on, but I'll try to only give what's necessary.

I (50F) and husband "Adam" (50M) have a daughter "Jill" (20F) who is in college & still lives at home. Jill is about 10 weeks pregnant. We had never met her boyfriend "Jack" (23M) before this happened. Adam put a rule in place after the last boyfriend of you have to date 6 months before we meet them. There was a thought that the ex bf might become a stalker. Jill and Jack have been together somewhere around 4 months. Jack has a daughter (2F) that he doesn't pay child support for and only recently started seeing regularly because the mom wouldn't let him. There is no support order in place.

Jill called and asked if Jack could come inside and meet us, since they were together and she needed to pick up something. Adam was opposed but said yes, because of me. The hellos were good. Jill asked if I wanted to ask Jack any questions. I said no. She asked if I was sure. I said yes. Jack said I could ask anything. After looking at them both for a few seconds I said okay and took him to the dining room. I just came out and asked what made my daughter so special that he would take care of her child and not the child he already had. He gave the excuse of the mom didn't put him on support. And he basically didn't want to give her anything because he didn't know if it would go to take care of her. I told him those were all bs excuses. Adam did aggressively chime in and say he would push Jill to file for support. I wasn't prepared for that. I think I quickly changed the subject and asked about Jack's job and how it worked. I thought things ended good, even if I wasn't happy about the support answer.

It has been about 6 weeks since this all happened. We just found out that he hasn't been back because we made him feel uncomfortable. But Jack also still lives at home and his mother makes Jill uncomfortable all the time, saying she loves her and wanting her to say it back, or telling her to call her mom and that she can be a mother figure, to wanting to touch her stomach, to telling her personal things about herself. Jack thinks that Jill should suck it up and not try to set boundaries because they get to be at his house.

AITA for coming straight out and asking daughter's boyfriend a no nonsense question on our first meeting?

Edit: Just quickly... A lot of people are thinking that Jill got kicked out and doesn't still live at home. She does. Also the rule which I think should have been 3 months not 6 is in place because Jill tends to only date for 3 months. We also have a younger child and don't want guys in and out all the time.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ju29ro- on 2023-10-06 20:11:25. *** I'm 32 m and she's 27 f.

This story starts two months ago

Neither her or her boyfriend are economically stable and she got her pregnancy test positive. Their decision is to keep it apparently, despite the less than ideal circumstances.

She asked our parents to pay for the expenses but they are also not in a good spot financially (I often lend them money and then they return it after a few months), so they asked me to borrow money from me in order to help her

I told my sister that she should not put our parents in that spot knowing the troubles they already have.

But against my better judgment, I sent money. The first amount was already double of what my parents usually ask me and now I just got another request of the same amount

I'll be straight up honest here, I don't think I'll ever see that money back and I don't wanna pay anymore than I already did. I said it openly and clearly

Now of course I'm the devil himself for not wanting to give away a chunk of my salary every month for something that I should not be held responsible for

So, aita?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/aitaproposals on 2023-10-06 20:38:46. *** Hi everyone. There is a bit of drama happening between my boyfriend (28M) and I (26F) currently and I need help.

I think context is extremely important here. 9 years ago I had an extremely traumatic experience - I was at the beach with my friends when I got caught in a rip and started drowning. Thankfully a bodyboarder held me up as I started going under and then a lifeguard brought me back to land. Ever since this happened I have developed a severe fear of the water. I have not gone swimming since, I won’t even get into a bathtub. I absolutely hate the water. My boyfriend is aware of this.

It was our four year anniversary three days ago and he had planned a super big surprise for me. But as soon as we arrived at the marina I realised what was happening and I went into panic mode. My boyfriend had chartered a private yacht for our anniversary. I told him “you know that I cannot get on a boat.” He asked me why not. I had to remind him that I am fearful of the water. He quickly became frustrated, and told me that I’m not going in the water I’m going to be on a yacht so it’s “safe.” I explained to him that’s irrelevant I literally cannot be near or on the water without freaking out. I blatantly refused to get on the yacht. Long story short, we returned home and he started arguing with me immediately.

I told him that I will give him the money that he paid for it, but he said that he isn’t angry about the money he wasted, he’s angry that I ruined something romantic that he had planned months ago. He then revealed a ring box and told me he was planning on proposing to me on the yacht. I was surprised by this but also confused. I asked him why he thought it would be a good idea to propose to me on a yacht knowing my trauma surrounding the water. To which he replied “go to a fucking therapist and work it out then instead of punishing and embarrassing me over it.”

We’ve barely spoken since. I do feel guilty, and I absolutely do want to marry him as he is the love of my life but I cannot control my phobia. And I do think he should’ve have known better. He could’ve chosen literally anywhere else to propose to me but he really thought that’s the best place? Now I’m just really confused. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/espanol-wed-throw2 on 2023-10-06 20:25:08. *** Two years ago I (M26) met my girlfriend Valentina (F23) at an Astros game and we started dating soon after that. We fell in love quickly and within a year, I was convinced that Valentina was my soul mate. She's beautiful, witty, charming, headstrong; in short, I wouldn't trade her for the world. I proposed to her in June and she accepted, and we've been starting to plan our wedding over the last few months. If everything goes smoothly, we'll be married in February 2024.

One thing that I believe is important to mention is that Valentina's an immigrant from Mexico and I'm a white American. While this hasn't caused any major issues with our families, as my family loved her immediately and her family liked me as well, it's recently become a point of contention with my family. Because most of Valentina's family is still in Mexico and a lot of them can't speak English (even Valentina struggles with the language's intricacies from time to time), Valentina asked me if we could have part of the ceremony in Spanish. I wanted her family to be able to experience the wedding fully, so I agreed to this almost immediately.

However, when I brought this up to my family, they were less than enthused. My parents voiced displeasure that they wouldn't be able to understand some of my wedding (while I'm pretty much conversational in Spanish, they only speak English) and my brother called me out for "inconveniencing" my family to "pander" to my in-laws. I refused to change this part of my wedding and while Valentina's grateful to me for this, I can't help but wonder if this is the right hill to die on.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Misunderstoodqueen24 on 2023-10-06 20:07:22. *** Me (30) my Fiancé (35) which got custody of his (11 year old ) recently and I’m currently in nursing school and I don’t work. I told my fiancé that I don’t want us to have any more children until I get done with school because having a newborn and his non independent child would be rough on me . He think I don’t want to have no more children because his daughter is here now and I did state to him that I’ll be fine with raising one child while I’m in school but not two. He also feels like I can handle it cause I don’t work and just go to school.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HourStatistician2444 on 2023-10-06 19:49:54. *** I (28F) have an older brother Adam (30M) and my Stephanie SIL (28F). Every year my family and I take a big trip and time of year depends on everyone's schedules. This year we collectively agreed for the second week in December. Those going on the trip include my husband Justin (33M) and I, our twin 2 year olds, my parents, and my brother, SIL and their 3 year old. My mom always makes all of the travel arrangements to ensure everyone is on the same flights, kids sit with parents, hotels are the same, etc. Everyone is on their own for getting to and from the airport at home, but car my mom makes car arrangements from the destination airport to the hotel and hotel to airport when leaving. While my mom makes the arrangements, my husband and I always Zelle/Venmo my mom for our portion of flights and hotels. My brother and SIL do the same thing.

This year everyone agreed to Disney World in Orlando. My mom as usual made all the reservations and what not about 2 months ago. My husband and I paid my mom our portion about a week after the reservations were made. Last night Adam texted husband asking if we had paid my parents yet. He said we had a while back. Adam then asked Justin if we could pay his family's portion of the trip. Not sure if everyone has been to Disney but it's ridiculously expensive these days. Justin told him we couldn't swing it with our budget at the time. We both work full time and make decent money but we don't have the kind of money that is just throw away. My brother and SIL both also work full time, and my nephew is not in daycare, my brother's mother in law watches him free, while we pay for 2 kids in daycare. Adam said responded with "Well ok then." and quit texting him.

Queue to this morning where I woke up to several texts from Adam calling Justin an asshole for nothing being a "good brother" and paying for their family. I told Adam I agreed with Justin and we just can't swing the money for them in our budget. I apologized and told Adam he was out of line for calling Justin an asshole and wouldn't stand for it. Adam again asked me to pay and said it could be our Christmas present to him, my SIL and my nephew. If I had the spare money to do it that way, I would, but I don't have the ability to do that, so I can't. I told him I couldn't do it and told him to reach out to our parents about a payment plan or something. Adam called Justin and I AHs and said we ruined their vacation.

I'm kind of surprised by my brother's behavior, but are Justin and I the assholes here?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/imhereforthefreemeal on 2023-10-06 19:25:49. *** We are a couple in our early to mid 30's expecting our first child (not necessarily relevant except alot of our friends are also in this point of their life including the couple being referenced). We, like most of our friends are pretty settled in our lives, have decent paying jobs and are for all intents and purposes home owning adults now.

One couple in our friends group will invite you over to their home for dinner and will always without fail send you over a venmo request to split any food whether ordered or prepared. The last instance the other night we all just shared two pizzas and within 10 minutes after leaving their home got the request for money.

This doesn't necessarily keep us up at night and we don't really have a hard time finding the money to split the bill but me and my wife feel it's a big difference when specifically being invited over to someone's home for dinner vs say going out to eat and splitting the tab at a restaurant. So are we the AH's for expecting when being invited to someone's home for a meal that you are typically treated to that meal free of charge?

As a side note we and many of our other friends / couples within the same group never charge each other if we invite people over for food / drinks unless the gathering is large with multiple groups of people or is implicitly known ahead we're looking to split the cost. We're used to this at this point and have learned to expect it from this couple but has gotten old and from now on just plan to just stop going over for dinners and will either eat ahead on our own or find other things to do with them.