noretus @ noretus @sopuli.xyz Posts 3Comments 24Joined 2 wk. ago
21F... am I crazy over jealousy?
Communication. Communication. Communication. Don't try to strategize. Don't try to manipulate the situation to your desired end. And most of all, do NOT "should" him. He is under no obligation to meet your needs or figure them out for himself, and same goes for you. It's just a question of if he is naturally inclined to meet your needs and act according to your values after you clearly communicate them to him. If he is not inclined, then it's up to you to decide how far you're willing to level with him or if you would be better off pursuing a relationship with someone else.
Learn to distinguish your subjective STORIES from what you are actually feeling. For example "I feel like you don't love me" is NOT a feeling. Putting "I feel" in front of some statement does not magically make it valid. "I'm scared this relationship might not last", also not a feeling. Any sentence starting with a "You..." is a story. More truthful: "when you don't message me in X amount of time, I feel insecure, and I start to worry about the future of the relationship". Now you're just speaking candidly, honestly, saying what is actually happening. You're not putting blame on him, just acknowledging something that hopefully everyone can agree is happening (he's not messaging you), and saying what the impact is on you emotionally, and what kind of thoughts it triggers in you. He's following some girls on social media? Can everyone agree that's happening? Okay, how does that make you feel AND, distinct from those feelings, what does it make you think? Please also flip it to positive "when you give me flowers, I feel love and I think this relationship is going well." Clear, straight-forward communication without shoulding. You can also do it on something that hasn't even happened "I'd love to go on a vacation together some day, if we work together for that goal, I believe I'd feel secure, and I'd believe you love me" (you're young and still learning your likes and dislikes, so please be aware that sometimes some ideas don't turn out as great as you hoped, and that's okay). Feel free to try to find a way to make the conversation more natural but stick to the same logic.
You may want to look into this: https://pastebin.com/ZHhS044M
And especially this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication
Of course, but I'd encourage expanding to other interests too. General "social mediaing" is where you'll be overpowered by algorithms. But if you have some niche interest where algorithms aren't doing a good job, you can post those and you can link them in other places if you use them (such as Reddit), which at the same time promotes content you like and directs people into these platforms.
Understandable tbh, they clearly don't have a lot of intelligence to share.