White House says it has tech that can "manipulate time and space"

I'm just gonna quote my wife here when I talk about outlandish work stuff:

"Wow." - dream_weasel’s wife

Our technologies permit us to manipulate time and space. They leave distance annihilated, cause things to grow, and improve productivity

Ok, so your on drugs. It's not a particularly unique technology tho.

The time distortion first came when a huge number of dense people gathered at the same spot in the white house.

“Our technologies permit us to manipulate time and space. They leave distance annihilated, cause things to grow, and improve productivity”

I - too - can walk, garden, and drink coffee.

Growing up in USSR we had a saying: a comrad comes to you with a shovel, points to a patch of land and says: "you will dig from here and until supper".

I bet White House, with it's ties to Putin's Russia, means something similar.

Nothing will meaningfully improve until the rich fear for their lives

• General Relativity 1905
• Special Relativity 1905
• Assclown Relativity 2025

I, too, am a source of gravity.

if true this explains soooo much.

To be fair, these last 3 months have felt like 3 years so maybe they're on to something.

Sure, sure… Even a plane can “manipulate time and space”.

Yea, its called creative accounting ... or fraud.

I can too.

I can move through space all the way to next to my nightstand and change the clock's time with a little wheel behind it.

Too bad they have it set to 1930's germany

white house discovers cannabis

"Prompting online speculation" ... This line can be thrown into literally any news article.

Please be Aliens bro. Please.

did someone just explain to this guy the half a century old tech scanning tunneling microscope that uses quantum tunneling for imaging

Idiots just threw a wristwatch.

If they had the technology to manipulate time and space they'd just use it to commit election fraud

It's ketamine, isn't it?

It is called the MAGAt field of stupidity.

Reminds me of this key and peele skit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGFLPbpdMS8

Amphetamines are a helluva drug

They can't even manipulate their own fool heads.

The cake is a lie! They shouted, certain they had grabbed the cultural zeitgeist by the tail

Oh god, the space age larpers took over

The pseudoscience and grift administration has embraced the Montauk Project

Then go get everyone’s 401k money back

There is ZERO reason to believe this.

Or at the least there is ZERO reason to believe it in the way that it was interpreted.

Reminds me of the poster for the Terry Gilliam classic "Time Bandits."

They could travel anywhere in time or space. They just couldn't tie their own shoes."

He who controls the past, controls the present.

Come with us now on a journey through time and space. To the world of the Might Bullshit.

Go where no sane person has been before.

Crap, they found the Democrat's weather controlling space lasers.

Edit: sarcasm, since it doesn't seem to be that clear.