It's an amazing console, but the shortcomings you've mentioned are legit. When I got my Switch, I immediately ordered the Hori Split Pad. Then I threw the Joycons in a drawer and never looked at them again. A large capacity SD card is mandatory and is so cheap, I don't consider that a big deal.
Online subscription shit is just console bullshit that I won't pay on principle.
All the reasons you've mentioned have been sorted with a Steam Deck, and I haven't ever picked up my Switch from the day my Deck arrived.