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Memes @lemmy.ml

peterpan520 @feddit.de

2y ago

Today we learnt...

132 comments

What a horrible day to have genitals.

Why did I learn how to read?
- Society forced you. Time to burn it all down.
  
  I knew I was right to blame society for everything!
- Because you had better parents than Jared, 19.
- It's a terrible day for rain.
- You can un-learn easily enough: here's a ball-peen hammer
  
  Alcohol .... Lots and lots of alcohol over many years does the same thing

Ok I guess we both have it bad
- I’ve had both happen, yeah both suck
  
  How?
- A fart is nowhere near as bad as the inside of a dirty toilet 😅
- I think I'd rather have my junk hanging outside my body than to have a fart do a 180 on me

As a pussy haver. What the fuck
- Today we encounter the "pussy havers" and the "pussy have nots" learning side by side! Spectacular!

- The dreaded double dutch
  
  Don't put fish in a dutch oven

I was helping my daughter (3) pee. Pee came out of 3 places at once at one point, then 2.
I'll keep my ding dong, thanks.
- Double espresso

W-what?
- It's true.

If only my dick was big enough to touch the inside of the bowl
- You don't want it to be, the cold touch of a toilet bowl specially a dirty public restroom gives me chills
  
  Only if there was some protective skin to protect the pp head.
- Tell me about it. My short stack can only rest comfortably on my nuts perched on the seat - it's that or having my head get shredded by the razor edge of the seat lol
  Lil dick click rise-up! We need to fight for our RIGHTS. We can't take this shit no more!
  
  Is that when your dick is buried into your nut suck so when you pee, you piss all over your balls?

Relax guys. We all know girls don't fart.
- I can tell you haven't met my GF.

im with everyone here. what the fuck

At least we can all relate to water splashes.
- Oh man I had diarrhea in a porta-potty a couple weeks ago and got some splash back. I was not a happy camper.
  
  I call bullshit. No one survives the blue touch.
  
  Was it almost full or something? Usually the... stuff... is pretty far below the seat
  
  Neptune's Kiss...
- Poseidon's Kiss™️
  
  Lol (not porn, but on redgifs because nsfw I guess?) https://www.redgifs.com/watch/unhealthylivelybarbet
- Cold water splashing on our buttholes is the great gender equalizer.
- If you live in europe or asia (i think) then probably not
  
  Continental Europe maybe. On the islands ye be gettin' Poseidon's kiss.

The old witches kiss
- Its neptunes kiss when you let a turd go and water shoots back up your asshole from the splash.
  
  illustration: https://youtu.be/_eTsrtZdAJc
  
  *Poseidons Kiss
- In Portuguese Brazilian this has this exact name! Wow!
  
  Same in French, le baiser de la sorcière.

What the fuck

I'm a guy and I've had those farts that escape up between your leg and balls and pop out the top
- Is it ok to like those?
  
  Whatever tickles your pickle.
  
  I'm 39 and they make me giggle like an idiot
- Slouching at the PC gets me every time :(

The requeefining.

When I shit my dick touch the water
- You're not supposed to shit in the urinals, my dude.
  
  Then why are they butt-level???
- Why are you shitting your dick?
- Ahhh, good ol' Poseidon's Kiss
  
  Na, that's when the water splashes up to your bunghole. Poseidons Kiss.
  You're thinking of the Witches Kiss.
- Splash!

My friend told me of the horror of your menstrual cup falling into a public toilet. I'd take licking the bowl over that shit any day of the week.
- This is why you keep spare pads or tampons or we.
  The one day you don't have them, that's when the worse will happen
- Just leave it.
  
  Please don't
  Someone will either have to clean it up for you anyway or it goes down the drain and contributes to your local drainage problems

Alright how many of you in here trying to make your dick fart right now?
- I'm trying to have my dick touch the inside of the toilet bowl.
- Technically if you get a fistula you can shit out of your dick.
  I wish I didn't know that, and yet I do.
  
  And now, we all know too
  Fistula would be a great name for a porn character though.

Worse when it touches the water though.
- Just wrap it around your thigh, problem solved

I'd rather re-fart my own fart, than have my dick dip into a public toilet again.
One is slightly, uncomfortable, maybe? The other opens the mind to all the diseases that could potentially infect your dick in a public toilet. Unlikely? Sure. Possible? In some cases, with some diseases, yes - however slim.

(cis)Women also will never know the pain of sitting on their own balls.
- Never happened. Is this even possible? They always find a way to slip up or down.
  
  I sat on my balls a bit before seeing this thread, which is why I thought of it.
  
  Definitely happens of you aren't careful sitting down. Feels a bit like squeezing a grape too hard
  
  Its happened to me exactly once on a hard school chair and I still remember it, so uh yeah lol
  
  Not inside the vagina, but the…bubble, for lack of a better term, can meander to the opening and sit there until you surreptitiously take a long stride. Might be what they mean.

Fat ass man here, can fart in 3 voices at the same time, I conserve one in the under ass, one in the upper ass and let them out the same time. You should've seen the admiring faces from the two cops in the front of the car. I even did it with cuffs. They totally wanted autographs.
- Next time take a shit.

weirdly accurate

So if you go down on a girl after she does this does that mean you're eating shit particles?
- I mean, you're always probably going to a little bit, no big deal, but they're so close together that it just happens
  
  …thanks?
- Bonus!

This is an excellent advertisement for bottom surgery: I want to have experienced both.
- That's too much power one person can hold

Had both.
Don't recommend either.
- As a trans woman, both suck yes.
  
  You are qualified to tell which is worse
  
  If you're not gonna tell us which is worse, what's the point of life?

I bet it is great requeef when it comes out!

Can some woman confirm this is legit? Seems very hard to believe
- It is... And honestly, I can't tell which one is worse. I will say, the first time it happened, I was terrified, thought something was wrong with me
  
  Probably the fact that you gave birth to a raptor had something to do with it...
- My roommate's a woman, and has confirmed that this happens
- I'm a woman and also find it hard to believe. Definitely has never happened to me. I can't imagine it's common.
- Am women is legit. It happens.

Well. That was definitely something.

Where 👏 do 👏 you 👏 keep 👏 the 👏 nets...
- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
- Big ball problems 😩

I… I’d love to know how it feels

professional woman here:
i fucking hate it when my dick touches the bowl >:(

As a man, I fold.

Ok. Alright.
Damn.
Let me eat it in peace boys.
Brrrrrnnnnt!

132 comments