@BackOnMyBS I tried being a risk taking hedonist type person and masking as hard as possible but I just didn't enjoy it and I ended up around people with no respect for the safety of others. They were willing to overlook emotional peculiarities like autism as a result of the same attitude which led to being around legit criminal psychopaths haha
@BackOnMyBS yeah when people get hurt and die there's no fun in it unless you see yourself as some sort of bluesy morose reflective type. people who willingly take on unnecessary risks acting like that became disgusting to me. for me it was the car accidents and the blackout drinking. i still can't bring myself to drink because it makes me remember how bad people can get with it. it just doesn't feel safe.