People who can don't get mad and just go with the flow, how do you do it?

Happened to me too. Best thing is going to therapy.
This might be caused by bigger problems with your family or work. Or it might just be accumulated stress unrelated to anything in particular.
Therapy helps either way
- I've been in therapy for years and it is very much accumulated stress. At this point I don't know what other stress I can cut out, so I figured of maybe I could lessen the impact across the board it might help. Like if I could compress my stress so it takes up less resources.
  
  I've also been through therapy for years, although not currently. IDK whether it's true or not but for me personally I feel as though therapy can deteriorate from a short, sharp, beneficial "intervention" (which is very helpful) into a malaise of relating ones problems to a friendly ear (which is unproductive) ... but I digress.
  This sounds to me like one of those problems which is a symptom potentially caused by a myriad of different issues, and as such has no specific "cure". As you've said it's "accumulated stress", which is another way of saying the same thing. I feel like I run into this type of problem a lot: the solution is really easy, I just need to do better at life!
  My one suggestion would be to look at therapies for anxiety, since anger and anxiety are commonly symptoms of the same problem. There's two common therapies for this.
  Firstly Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) - figuring out why your thoughts follow the patterns they do and as a result, learning how to change those patterns. This is hard work. It's a bit like going to a gym. You need to set aside time for several sessions a week of examining the parts of yourself you've been trying not to think about your entire life. The gold standard for DIY CBT is "When Panic Attacks" by David Burns, alternatively "feeling great" by the same author. He has a podcast also. I know the dirty dog feet was just an off hand example, but to continue that example you might discover that you have a deeply held belief that people who have dirty houses end up sad lonely and unloved, a potential solution might be to tell someone who you feel is happy and well loved how difficult it is to keep a clean house - inevitably they will agree with you and tell you how hard they find keeping up with their chores.
  Secondly Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) - accepting that stressors will always be present, understand that they're harmless, fleeting thoughts, and committing to a course of action that is more meaningful than simply "avoiding stress". Author Steven Hayes is the gold standard here but personally I find his stuff too heavy. I quite like "DARE" by Barry McDonagh, basically ACT but more easily digested. This one is more readily applied "in the moment". It takes practice but there's no sitting and pondering one's soul so-to-speak. This is very difficult to explain in a sentence but you might acknowledge, in the moment, that dirty dog feet are infuriating, you feel that feeling, allow it to come. What you'll find (with anxiety at least) is that if you don't resist it but regard it with a welcoming curiosity, it will dissipate fairly quickly and leave you with a kind of energised readiness. "Well that was a thing!". If feeling frustrated is a natural response, and you fight with yourself not to feel that, it creates an incredible tension - you push the feelings away and they just push back harder. You kind of learn to let the frustration come feel the feelings in a healthy way.
- therapy reminded me of this (2nd part)

You kinda just have to stop giving a shit, which I guess is technically Mindfulness.
But I think I achieved it after a bad shroom trip when I had an epiphany that nothing in life matters, but it really doesn't have to matter.
- Yep, because when it’s all said and done who cares? You got mud on the floor? So? Your dog doesn’t know any better and you’re human so you forgot. If that happens to me I just think “my happiness and my dogs and family’s happiness is more important than some mud”. I focus on this example because it’s the example OP gave.
  In life only one thing matters and that’s happiness and actively hamstringing yourself is shitty
- I had something similar to this after a good trip, but the dark version where nothing matters until it hits you, then spent next few years where my déjà vu and empathy kept breaking through ceilings in its way going up
- That one was a k-hole for me, but same thing basically. I was like “whoa nothing matters and I’m my own person” and I cut out everyone toxic in my life and stopped betting upset at small things, like someone hitting my car so hard the wheel fell off when it was parked outside. I was like “yep, that’ll happen” and shrugged.
  The only things that make me very upset now are people rude to service people and cunts who litter out of their cars (or overall). That’s the only time I yell anymore.

Some good advice I heard once is that you can’t change what happens to you but you can change how you react to it. Bad things will happen but how you react to those things makes such an impact. Reacting positively to negative things happening affects not only your mood, but also how you deal with those things. It takes time to shift to this style of thinking but it will definitely improve your way of life.
- This mindset is helpful especially when compounded with general therapy techniques that you can use in your day to day, diet, exercise and sleep. Sounds cliche but it all compounds in ways that we don't really notice consciously (at least for me)
  
  Definitely agree. I was raised with this mindset, but it never stuck until I went to therapy and got other things sorted. It's hard to react calmly and logically when the rest of your brain is fucked.
- Reacting versus responding.
- As I've progressed from my early to mid 20s this is something I've really tried to focus on.
  I was extremely reactive and volatile emotionally, and a single thing could fuck up my entire day. Between my brain doing its last bit of developing, and getting a hold of my generalized anxiety disorder and depressive disorder through therapy, I've gone from, "this fucking sucks" before having break downs in the worst case to, "I can feel bad once it's fixed, but it's gotta be fixed first".
  This is definitely a healthier mindset, but I catch myself trying to fix things that just can't be fixed. Sometimes you just gotta let go, so that's been my focus recently. It's hard, but I think recognizing it has been a great first step.
- Honestly this often makes me more frustrated at myself for acting a certain way. I know what I'm feeling is irrational and I know it doesn't help the situation and I shouldn't be feeling or reacting this way. And then it drives up he frustration because of how ridiculous it is.
  
  You do not need to be that hard to yourself when your feeling "wrong". Yes it is probably better for yourself if you don't overreact. However you cannot really cotntrol your feelings. So it is still better to accept your anger. First, as you said, it drives up the frustration, because now you are also worried about your feelings. And second your original emotion wants to be "noticed". I read and experienced a few times myself, the "wrong" emotion disappears often quickly when you accept it. It is an essential concept of mindfulness, to accept your emotions.
  Edit: As far as i understand it and experienced it, saying to yourself "no i shouldn't be angry about this" won't change your thinking
- Yeah sometimes you just gotta laugh about things and move on. Losing your temper usually doesn't help.
  Also you can often change what happens to you. If someone is treating you badly don't let them keep doing that, correct or avoid them. If your bed is full of cracker crumbs, change your sheets.

12 Practical Steps for Learning to Go With the Flow
Realize that you can’t control everything
Become aware.
Breathe.
Get perspective.
Practice.
Baby steps.
Laugh.
Keep a journal.
Meditate.
Realize that you can’t control others.
Accept change and imperfection.
Enjoy life as a flow of change, chaos and beauty.
- Even if the TP unrolls on the side of the wall?
  
  Whoa now, let’s keep this civilized.
  
  Free bitter fruit rollup
  
  ah crud, don't do this to me! wilson!!

I trained myself over years after realizing stress was killing me, I was unpredictable to be around, and struggled to eat with any regularity which led to really bad eating habits.
What ended up working is when something would happen that upset me I would close my eyes, take a deep breath, go to a room by myself and just sit down with my eyes closed and do box breathing until my nerves settled. Then when I opened my eyes I would say to myself, ok let’s go get this mud cleaned up.
Admittedly it doesn’t work in a car, crowded location, or even work necessarily. Over years my impulse control and roll with the punches attitude really developed. Maybe too much, when my ex wife said she wanted a divorce it was kind of just an “ok, do you want me to move out or did you plan to? I’ll see what paperwork we need to fill out “.
I enjoy life so much more though. My dog peed in the laundry room shortly after coming inside and I remember a time when I would have been incredulous about it. My response was to chuckle and say “oh buddy you know not to pee inside”, grap a swiffer and throw the pad in the load of wash I was starting.
Maybe I just got older, life experience and all that. I do think the separation from what happened and box breathing exercise really helped me in being able to put things into context and just let life be life though.
- My solution, which I honestly believe leads to a much more happy life consist of two things:
  Have a conscious relationship to what you can do something about. "Dog peed in laundry" is a great example. It's already happened, there's nothing I can do to change that, so I'll just fix the problem. No point in getting irritated. The point is: Don't get mad about stuff you can't change/influence.
  Always give everyone the benefit of doubt. If someone says something hurtful, like "your mother is a fat asshole™ ", I'll try to think "maybe they have legitimate concerns about my mothers health, and legitimate concerns about how she's treating others that I should bring up with her", rather than immediately thinking they're just trying to hurt me. That me be disproven in later conversation, but I believe it helps me treat others in a better way, and helps me be a more balanced person.
- 100%, removing myself from a situation when I start to get frustrated is key. It also helped me to realize that I was being a jerk to people. The attitude adjustments are a work in progress though, for sure.

For me, it was pure philosophy. When I came to terms with how totally insignificant I and my world is in the grand scheme of the universe, something as simple as the dog tracking mud across the floor became less then inconsequential.
As an aside:
Meanwhile I'll get pissed that I didn't wipe their feet and be mad the entire time I'm cleaning it up.
This reads like someone who takes everything upon themselves and doesn't cut themselves enough slack. I don't know you and this is the tiniest snippet of your life experiences, so take my statement with a massive heaping of salt, but give yourself a break. You aren't super human, you aren't responsible for everyone and everything, and you will make mistakes. Holding yourself to an impossible standard is a common source of anger and unhappiness.
Subjectively speaking, every person I've met who I would describe as "angry" when discussing their personality (I'm a believer that some things are worth being mad about and choosing to be appropriately angry does not make you an angry person) is deeply unhappy with themselves. This is usually because, thanks to a combination of external influences like narcissistic friends/family, they never measure up to their distorted beliefs of how they "should" be. "Should" is a bad word. Thinking in terms of "should" is self-abusive and rarely helpful. "Will" and "next time" are fine. They're about learning. "Should" is nothing more than a way to internalize the things you've done wrong without focusing on how you'll learn from them.
Anyway, I could be way off, cause man I don't know you. But, some food for thought, anyway.
- I would say you are pretty spot on. I was raised by a narcissistic father, who always told me I wasn't living up to my potential. It's taken years of therapy to get over that feeling and it still creeps up from time to time.
  I like the thought on should. I never thought about it that way before. Which is funny because that is what I always tell me kids. If they do something wrong I don't sit there and harp on them about what they did wrong like my parents did to me. I talk to them about how we can handle that situation better in the future. Guess I need to listen to myself more often.
  
  Just wanted to add the easy to remember shorthand (came from a therapist on youtube): "Don't should all over yourself."
- Things gonna do their own thing. You can only handle the direct consequences, and work towards influencing the outcomes.
- Yes. I first distanced myself from that mean, critiquing internal voice. That took about a year. Then I learned practiced self kindness, that took many years. The final stage was befriending that mean voice of mine, she meant well even though she was doing harm. That felt really good, like it wrapped things up for me in a really satisfying way.
  Learning, time, and turning towards those difficult thoughts and feelings with kindness and curiosity. Allowing it to evolve over time.

in my experience, the sooner you accept that life is terrible and full of pain and misery, the sooner you cease to be surprised by it being terrible and full of pain and misery.
tl;dr "this might as well happen, I guess"
- You know, it's sad but I think lowering my expectations out of life really does help get through a bit. You end up a bit cynical by default, but when good things do happen they stand out more. Sure my life kinda sucks but taking it out on others does nobody any favors. Patience and kindness might come back around - but again, don't expect it.

Proper sleep and exercise, yoga in particular, is what helps me. When I'm dead tired and my back hurts I'll get mad at everything too.

I'm on antidepressants and I smoke a shit ton of weed
- I've always had a personality that everyone thinks I smoke weed but I don't.
  
  I had that personality before weed and ssris, I still do though

Age. After 40 years I realised it's not worth getting wound up about things. Every year I drop more and more 'baggage'. Life is a lot easier when you let things go.
Similarly, experience. I've survived suicide attempts, close calls, addictions, fights, sickness and death. My meds being lost by the pharmacy is pretty minor compared to the epic time travel battle I had against God last year during a meth psychosis that resulted in my arrest and court. Experience adds perspective.
Meditation and noticing emotions don't have to be acted upon. It's on top feel something. It's pointless trying to stop that feeling. What you can do is not act on that feeling. Raging at the idiot who pulled in front of you solves nothing.
Hanlon's Razor: "don't attribute to malice what can be explained by ignorance". The majority of times people 'wrong' you is due to ignorance. Not malice. One of the reasons why I find the obsession with labelling people "narcissist" a bit silly. They aren't, they're just wrapped up in their own bubble of problems. We all are.
Stoicism has many great lessons and quotes that are worth reflecting on over your lifetime. Let them percolate your soul and after many years you just become more stoic.
- As someone of a similar age, I can definitely say this is not true for everybody.
  Raging at the idiot who pulled in front of you solves nothing.
  It's not like we don't know that. Otherwise OP wouldn't have the self awareness to ask the question. It's just an emotional reaction to people, situations, and actions that defy logic. I get angry at drivers when they do things that are not only blatantly selfish and inconsiderate, but dangerous and usually illegal (in SoCal that's every few minutes). I don't know about OP, but I'm not doing any "raging." No one looking over at me would know I'm angry af, but I'm sitting there wondering how the US is filled with so many sociopathic freaks and why we're all ok with the way we treat each other. And picturing what would happen had I done the same thing in traffic. A cop would materialize out of nowhere, or the other person would jump out of their car with a bat. But the people who cut me off? They never see any consequences, and if any one of them learns their lesson, there's ten more willfully ignorant, dangerously stupid people to put everyone else at risk. I'm not attributing anything to malice. Cluelessness is so much worse, and people should be held accountable for not learning from their mistakes. Besides, being considerate, responsible, generally respectful, and empathetic does not require any extra education or intelligence (though it would certainly help). Somehow, the universe is totally fine with all of this, and so is everyone else. I was in a bad accident years ago because someone pulled right out in front of me, so I've lived through the consequences of some selfish prick valuing their two seconds of time over other people's actual lives. If a teenager acted the way we act collectively, as a population, their parents would be told they have behavioral problems. You can not react all you want, but that doesn't help anything going on under the surface. Mindfulness and stoicism is just living with the anger and stress instead of solving it. That's why cognitive behavioral therapy is the only thing that will actually help it.
  
  You can not react all you want, but that doesn’t help anything going on under the surface
  Reacting also means any thoughts you may have. You reacted by thinking all of this:
  It’s not like we don’t know that. Otherwise OP wouldn’t have the self awareness to [...] behavioral problems.
  That's reacting. VERY reacting. Did it solve anything by reacting like that? Telling me all that? Does it fix your problem - the idiots on the road? No. What would fix the idiots on the road? Speaking to your political reps, volunteering or funding road safety charities.
  Mindfulness and stoicism is just living with the anger and stress instead of solving it.
  No it isn't. I strongly urge you to study it more. Mindfulness is the first and very important step to realising emotions don't rule you. You rule your emotions but most people manage their emotions badly. They fight or ignore them. That's a bad idea because they don't like being ignored, they come back x10. I've done DBT which is like CBT for emotional regulation and mindfulness is a key component. Mindfulness teaches you to detach from your emotional impulses and react more rationally. It's a lot like CBT but it uses mindfullness to help you learn that fundamentally important fact: You are not your emotions.
  You don't ignore your anger, sadness, pain, etc with mindfulness, you embrace it.
  Take meditation - pure mindfulness - you sit in silence with your eyes closed. Your arse hurts (pain), your back (pain), am I breathing right (anxiety)? I should focus on that (intention), fuck I'm bored (iritation), I'm tired (tired), maybe I should eat (bored/hunger), etc. The simplest, most basic activity you can do is immensely difficult for people to manage more than 5mins of. Why? Because you're governed by your emotions, those drives and annoyances flooding you every few seconds. You realise your mind is noisy as hell but meditating/sitting silently teaches you that you aren't those emotions.
  From there it becomes easier to 'pause'* your feelings and make a more rational and useful response. A response that gives catharsis.
  *pause is the wrong word. You kindof 'pause' your inner state, step back, assess and act. It sounds overly complicated but like any skill it becomes second nature and instantaneous with practice. Meditation is a form of practice and living your daily life as mindfully as you can is practice.
  Stoicism
  Is basically CBT/DBT and mindfulness spat out in quote format. Having read the above maybe you'll see that in these Marcus Aurelius quotes:
  “You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
  “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” - thoughts, feelings, actions and speech are all different things. You can't control your feelings but you can control your thoughts!
  “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
  “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” - to reference your comment: Instead of bitching about idiotic drivers: Be a better driver and do what you can to improve others driving.
  “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
  “The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” - embrace your feelings, manage your thoughts.
  Recommended Reading:
  Meditations - Marcus Aurelius
  Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life - Thích Nhất Hạnh
  The Miracle of Mindfulness: A Manual on Meditation - Thích Nhất Hạnh
  Dhammapada
- I would add to Hanlon’s Razor that not everything needs an intent behind it. Sometimes things just happen, good or bad, and you should take them as they come without worrying too much about whether someone has wronged you. A lot of people get wrapped up in conspiracy theory thinking because they have to have an explanation for everything, even if they have to invent shadowy organizations.

I pretend I’m in a zoo observing people, which I guess is called disassociation.
- That sounds fun. Look at those apes hitting each other with stones. And nuclear bombs. How playful!
- I never thought about dissociating this way :O I'll give it a try next time I feel the meltdown coming

This sounds like you are stressed. In the particular example you give (I am a generally even tempered person, and having trouble with irritability today) I find exercise helps. Exhausting my body calms my mind.
If it's a situation where the irritability is telling you something, like you are stressed because you are doing too much and the rest of your family doing too little, you may need to communicate that to them, to be able to fix it.

The secret isn't not getting mad. The secret is going with the flow despite being mad. If you're constantly triggered by small things (like your dog getting some mud inside) then there's proooooobably something a bit deeper that needs to be addressed. But either way, do the things, mad or not. Emotions happen, they're never "wrong" but you can also determine what to do with them, or what to do despite them.

I have this marvelous quote saved in my phone:
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
Marcus Aurelius

For me: get enough sleep and/or do exercise. Getting 9 hours is my ideal but I settle for 7 more often than I should. As for exercise: running, hitting the heavy bag, jump rope, rowing, weight lifting, swimming, walking, VR boxing (got too sweaty for it to be a long term thing), rock climbing; all these things have been good over the years or whatever you want. Cortisol builds up in your system and exercise breaks it down. You can't be stressed if you're exhausted. I think of the two as shielding and loading. Sleep increases my shielding from stressors and exercise decreases my baseline stress load. The two together are the actual answer, in my opinion.

I’ve found having a good psychotherapist to talk about all the things that are actually bothering me (that makes others uncomfortable) is the key. Usually it’s work or family related stress. All the little stuff isn’t really a bother, it’s just the ongoing last straw when there’s a pile of much more significant stuff underneath it being ignored.
edit: to clarify
psychotherapist = no drugs (in my experience) psychiatrist = may prescribe drugs
Both are valuable when appropriate. Sometimes you just need to talk things out with a neutral confidential 3rd party who recognizes the issues. Sometimes brain chemistry is a bitch.
- I've worked through that stuff a bunch with my therapist. I do unfortunately have a lot work and family related stress that I can't avoid. Which is why I'm always trying to figure out how not to things bother me. I've been setting firmer boundaries at work, but can't exactly do that with family, but if I could somehow not let things bother me I'd be better. For example, my 12 year old is autistic, and will do things like walk up to me and say, "no TV!". To whichy response is always, "that is not how we ask for things". Then he will ask, "dad, can I watch TV?".This has been going on for years, so it immediately gets on my nerves because I know he knows how to ask properly. But I also know I shouldn't really care that much.
  
  For me there’s a number of other coping mechanisms, like the usual breath work to try to be more meditative and objective about something, but often I employ the “at least it’s not” approach to bridge the gaps and minimize it in comparison to something worse. It’s often possible to invent a silver lining.
  Such as taking a moment to think “as least it’s not shit” when the dog tracks in mud, or “at least he isn’t physically pounding the TV when he wants to watch it.” Just anything that I would rather not be dealing with more than the current thing.
  It’s an aggravating world and reality. Now more than ever. Figuring out how to not be aggravated by it constantly is a lifelong challenge. I’m still working on it.

Ask yourself if getting mad actually helps the situation. Is it going to get the problem solved any quicker? Does it make you feel any better? No? Then what's the point of it?
- My problem is that it is primal for me. I get the thought, but in the moment, the reptilian brain takes over and I get mad, even though it lasts a few seconds.
  Trying to catch myself when it happens, but it's pretty fucking hard.

Are you getting enough sleep and nutritious food? It's critical to have the basics covered.
We have zero control over the first thought that comes to mind, so don't sweat it if it's an angry one. A few deep breaths really helps, even if the head (which wants to get angry and rage) says it won't do anything.

I look at those things that annoy me, and think would you rather be in Palestine right now and it becomes less of an issue. This general strategy has worked for me since the Vietnam War era.
- grumble grumble Damn America always making this view applicable
- This wouldn't work for me at all because thinking about Israeli/American treatment of Palestine infuriates me. Then thinking about Palestine makes me think of Yemen, which makes me think of the Iraq War, and then I'm just in a spiral of hatred and gritting my teeth. I'd be walking around with balled up fists and my neighbor pleasantly says hello, I'd whip around with "Fuck your hello, krakkker colonizer first worlder"
  and being in that mindset permanently would be a good way to get myself shot.
  
  yeah, your mileage will vary. Daily acts of defiance and sabotage of the machine can help keep the rage from hitting a flash point.
- I use this too. It really puts my priorities in order and reminds me how truly fortunate I am.

While reading Epectitus definitely helped (externals - out of your control; reactions - your choice, things don't bother you, you bother yourself), and telling myself that I gain nothing out of anger (mostly lose from it), I ran out of fucks to give. Someone's blocking the way? Just wait until I can pass them. My delivery is running late? Whatever, it'll get there. I left the window open during heavy rain and everything is wet? Close the window and mop it.
In a world where nothing really matters, giving your undying attention to stupid things like these is just absurd. Who's watching your reactions so that you have to put on a show?
But as someone said, it takes practice. Being mindful, present, realizing that you're getting angry, and then consciously thinking "ah whatever" and accepting it. Difficult at first, but as with any skill, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

Drink more water! Whenever I find myself grumpy, the culprit is usually dehydration... It makes everything harder IMO. Ymmv etc etc anecdata
- When I start feeling frustrated or anxious, I go through a checklist.
  Am I too hot or too cold? Am I properly hydrated? Have I walked around recently?
  If it's none of those, I stop what I'm doing and drop into Zen meditation for a few breaths

practice.
you have to intentionally practice.
metta is one exercise.

I have noticed my ability to take things in stride definitely goes down when I don’t feel well. I would check in with yourself physically- is there a non-obvious physical ailment that might be putting you on edge? Perhaps there’s pain or headaches that you don’t consciously consider that’s diminishing your ability to deal with stuff. Otherwise I would suggest what others have suggested- looking into whether you might have some level of anxiety disorder. This may mean medication and/or something like cognitive behavioral therapy

Being mad sucks. If something bad happens it sucks. If I'm mad about the bad thing that happened then I already got two things that suck. I like to minimize the suck.

"Don't sweat the small stuff. It's all small stuff".
It's about adjusting your perspective. Some things can be looked at as new challenges and opportunities for creativity. Some things can feel very important and weigh on you but given a day or two can be irrelevant. Other things like death, finances, or relationships are difficult to get past, but you will eventually. Taking a breath to step outside the situation or looking at it from someone else's perspective can really help.
I absolutely have these little moments every day. I get mad, say some 'what the fucks' out loud, call myself an asshole, etc, then move on seconds later. Giving your emotions a reasonable amount of time to smack you up is a good thing. Allowing them to take over isn't helping anyone.
Edit: Come to think of it, I was just around my mother for the holidays. She is agent of chaos. She has a short temper, she yells, she's erratic, she very much exerts her irrational stress upon others. Without getting into my entire childhood, I'll share that it took me many years to figure out why I was so short tempered and angry at everything. The quote I started this post with was what sparked the change for me.

Wasn't really allowed to harbor or express anger as a kid. Now I can't summon an ounce of rage, even when it's appropriate and helpful. It's not ideal, so I spend a lot of time meditating, dropping away other emotions in hopes of finding a spark of something in there. Nothing yet, but I've found a number of other useful things in the process.
Mindfulness is a great skill to build to debug issues like this. It's slow, painful sometimes, and doesn't always feel worthwhile, but it's definitely worth taking the time to try meditating to get closer to your base emotions and how they appear.
Worth remembering too that what you're looking for probably isn't a huge shift in thinking, at least in the short term. Incremental progress over time is all it takes. Some people are shades of tightly wound and that's okay. You're who you are for a reason and it's worth being kind to yourself when unhelpful thoughts appear. Not to excuse yourself of behavior you don't want to maintain, but to care for and guide yourself toward a simple step in the right direction.

I went on anxiety meds. Changed my life
- Yes. In my case, my mood disorder was causing irritability. Many disorders can cause it (e.g., MDD, BPD, IED).
  OP, I'd suggest an appointment with a specialist if everything else has been ruled out; everything else includes bad sleep habits, bad eating habits, physical illnesses, etc.
- Op, you may want to take this advice. You might have some level of anxiety that's causing you to react to things in a way that's unhealthy.
  Some level of annoyance is to be expected from life but if you're bothered by it, and it seems like you are, look into therapy. It will help you understand where your reactions are coming from and help you deal with it better.
  
  Yes OP. Boof Xanax. Snort heroin. Zen.

Everything that Salman said.
This sounds exactly like me and my partner: a small thing can ruin his day and it ruins my day because then I have to put up with his bad mood. What's helped him was some intense solution-based therapy to address his shitty childhood as well as an awareness that several 'bad' things in a row is just a coincidence and not the world (his family) out to get him.
With our kids, I'm making sure to say 'oh well' and not fix it immediately everytime a mild frustration happens. They see their dad getting upset and have started to copy his behaviours so we're trying to encourage them to just brush things off before they get stuck in the mindset.

Im exactly like you only I've learned to recognise and stomp on the reaction.
I still get needlessly pissed about things, to an unreasonable degree. But then I recognise that my reaction is out of proportion to the problem and that wether I stomp on it or not, I'm still going to have the problem the only thing I have control over is if I'm stomping around like an asshole while I fix it.
You just have to take your Ego and set it aside when you catch yourself, you cant defend the reaction because its irrational. So recognise it, stomp on it and then work the problem like a normal person.

Personally, I think it's about managing expectations. You can blame the dogs, or you could laugh it off and blame yourself for not handling the situation... I find it easier to manage self-blame than to try to suppress my anger at others

Buddha said, when you're angry, count to ten. When you're still angry, count another ten.
Seriously though, most of the time getting mad isn't worth it. It makes you look bad, makes you inefficient and at the same time makes you and other people feel bad. It's overall, if we are thinking logically, a negative condition/ situation to be in. Getting angry/ mad brings nothing to the table.
Try to think like this, every time you're about to get mad: is getting mad brings anything? Would it change the situation? Can the things already happened be undone? Do I have other choices other than accepting it and fixing the situation? What should I do next? Once you can think like that, calmly, I am sure that you can stop getting mad.
The problem is, most of the time/ very often, you're not even aware that you're angry/ getting angry, and you let your emotions take control of you. That's why you have to train yourself to be aware of your thoughts/ feelings most of the time, and in that way you can react accordingly, consciously, doing what would be your best action/ most logical action. Some people can achieve this through practicing meditation. I'm sure, once you are more aware on what and how you feel most of the time, you would be able to control your actions/ emotions much better.

I allow myself to feel the rage. Every bit of it, for a count of three, then I have to stop. Because now it's time to take action. And proper action requires a calm response. I used to try to breathe and relax but that usually just left me fuming for an hour. Instead I just get unfathomably angry for 2 seconds then move on. I don't know how healthy it is but it works for me. Sort of the emotional equivalent of yelling out an expletive.

There's a really good book that helped me put my own realizations into more concrete terms.
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/25898044
And this book literally changed how I view behavior and how to permanently change behavior: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22544758-triggers
- Thanks, those both look interesting. I've already ordered the first one.

I'm going to be echoing a lot of these comments, but it really is a matter of perspective. In a day, a week, or a month after the anger inducing event, will you really be proud of yourself if you got angry and died on that hill? Once I realized that it really helps with a lot of other negative emotions like doubt, anxiety, and sadness.

Buddhism, meditation, and generally knowing that everything is temporary. Gratitude / "counting your blessings" helps increase general happiness, as it's easy to forget what's going right
- I feel that. I have a good 6 figure job, my kids don't want for any thing, but are not spoiled. I have a supportive and loving wife. So I always feel a little guilty for complaining. I know there are people way worse off than me. I know every problem I have is 100% first world problems. But I also know that doesn't discount my stresses.
  I really think the Buddhist are doing things right. Ive tried meditating but my ADHD makes it damn near impossible. Maybe I need to find someone who can help with it.
  
  Can’t speak to ADHD in particular and don’t want to discount the difficulty it adds, but one of the biggest hills I always have to get over is not judging my own thoughts. It’s easy to get frustrated that you aren’t able to achieve a more still mindset but at the end of the day the thoughts of judgement are just thoughts that can be observed like any other.
  
  Try it like this: go for a walk in nature and focus on the senses. Try to really feel yourself walking, feel the clothes on your body, the wind, the distant sounds. As things enter your perception, be grateful for them. The dogs and children, the leaves and sun. Perhaps contemplate how: (1) this sensation (of ex "dog") feels inside you (2) the miracle of its construction, the billions of particles, the quantum effects underneath, and the orchestral perfection of its movement (3) all the relationships people have with their dogs (4) how dogs affect the entire world
  This technique gives you a large "surface area" for gratitude droplets to coalesce. With a little repetition, you can get very high doing this technique, making it fun and self reinforcing. Ultimately all sensations can be integrated into your larger self-experience, changing the small, separate identity, into a large all encompassing compassionate one
  My understanding: the fundamental skills are attention (focus/zoning in), awareness (broad attention of sensation), and gratitude (compassion/metta/love). You can train these skills whenever is the most enjoyable, including painting, dance, gardening, working out. Gratitude is the one that makes the most happiness up front, check out the "hedonic treadmill"
  
  Have you ever tried Wim Hof breathing techniques? I also have ADHD and I have a really hard time with meditation but it works for me.
  It also sounds like it could be possible that this is at least partially an issue with your body chemistry. There are so so many little things that can affect the brain, like maybe a medication or any other drugs you might take, a food you're not fully aware that you're a bit allergic to, inflammation, a malfunctioning brain chemistry such as an anxiety disorder, etc.
  Here's a link to the Wim Hof video if you're interested. Just be aware that people get weirdly cultish about him, and I'm not sure I would follow everything he recommends, but this particular exercise helps my anxiety a lot.
  https://youtu.be/tybOi4hjZFQ?si=yHTjE7QlNITNP6ff
- Last one is the biggest one for me. Everything else might follow once you master that.
- Meditation practice. Key word is practice. Watch thoughts and emotions come and go thousands of times.

Learning, studying, and embracing Stoicism has really helped me. I find The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday helps keep it top of mind for me. It’s a bit of a pop philosophy book, but it works for me.
- I'll have to check that out. My wife bought me the little book of calm and it's just full.of stuff like, "well you feel angry, try to be calm"
  
  This has quotes from the OG Stoics that are then interpreted for modern life with a paragraph or two. I don’t fully subscribe to every interpretation, but at least it keeps me mindful in my own way.
  
  This has quotes from the OG Stoics that are then interpreted for modern life with a paragraph or two. I don’t fully subscribe to every interpretation, but at least it keeps me mindful in my own way.
  A second thing I do when I get easily annoyed is to stop and ask myself if I’m tired, hungry, or burned / stressed out about something else. If so, I try to find one small thing in my control I can do to improve my situation. Usually by doing one thing I’m “in control” of it helps me not get so frustrated with the things beyond my control. Even if it’s just realizing that if I clean up a mess an hour later, it’s not the end of the world.
  I guess the shortest answer to your question is by keeping a much bigger perspective on life.

A silver lining in having a bunch of mental disorders.

I know it's not a good advice, but having something very serious happen in your life might shift your perspective. In my case, getting (through) cancer made me realize it's not worth stressing for stupid little things and greatly deepened my stoicism.
- I'm sorry you had to go through that but glad to hear it helped you on the long run. It is definitely something I try to remember.
  My father-in-law, who was a very successful banker, told me before I married his daughter that he would give everything back to spend more time with his daughters when they were younger.

I played Overwatch until my mind realigned. Not joking. I was frustrated that running into irrational people in that game would in turn make me irrational. I figured, the opposite should be true too. Rationality should be able to calm and blunt irrationality. And once I realized that, it kind of became an academic exercise to me. I was nice and friendly on purpose and the quality of all my matches went through the roof. Even games that were loses were agreed to be excellent matches by both teams. Which sounds like ridiculous fiction, but it's the truth.
- I think your advice will help me to get rank in cs premier. Thank you
  
  Even if it doesn't, at minimum you will have more fun and have friendlier interactions. Ultimately, we have to remember we are voluntarily playing these games for our own enjoyment. If they make us miserable, we need to change the way we interface with the game or just stop playing them.

Honesty, I can easily picture times where dogs tracking through the house would set off a hair-trigger. But, other times I see the mess and think about how I love dogs. How their "culture" simply doesn't care about muddy floors. My dog wants to play whether it's appropriate or not and I can respect that. So, I'm saying, sometimes I can laugh it off.
Framing a big picture (of happy thoughts) is a strategy that has worked for me.
I also smoke a lot of pot.

It's mostly about how mindful I'm being, but it's always about the perspective. Although, I have always been very laid back and easy going - I don't have a problem being the leader but I also don't mind just letting things play their course.
For something like your example - the things that get me the most are say, the towel I'm using to wipe my dogs feet gets caught on every edge imaginable, hanging and tugging. It's frustrating because I am doing something that I expect to be a certain way and I'm meeting resistance over something so simple. I'm just trying to dry the dog, why does this little thing get hooked on everything?
And same, not just the towel for the dog but everything - putting back a wooden spoon and it not going in, repeatedly. Any of that sort of thing will get me. Something about the task supposed to be taking 5 seconds but then taking so much longer, compounded with the fact that like come on it's so simple just get in there! Oh man, when a jacket gets caught as you're taking it off? If I'm already on the verge of a bad mood that ruins me.
For other things though, it just doesn't matter. Like, what does it really matter?? So I went to the store and forgot something. Yeah that does suck. Oh well! Unless it was something absolutely necessary and it was the last opportunity - fuck man, yeah it's unfortunate but I mean... Nothing to be done about it now. Why focus on that? It's funny because I legitimately have gotten more upset about my jacket getting stuck as I take it off than when I forget something at the store. What gives with that? Lol.
I am generally an optimistic, outgoing person who looks for the best in things. That doesn't mean I don't get set back for a few minutes, sometimes half an hour, over something pointless. Another example that happens to me often - you have a project or a plan, you know exactly what you want to do and how to do it. Then you go to look for X, Y, and Z. X is gone, Y is broken/not charged, and Z is there but the other two are fucked so what now?? Then you either have to half-ass it around the jank or give up the plan and do it later, but the motivation hit you 10 minutes ago so now you're just set stuck seething about a project you wanted to do but can't finish.
For me it's all about perspective. When I am most easy going is when I care the least, and when I am able to go with the flow or quickly get over something, it's almost a sort of contentment from nihilism. It's not that "nothing" matters, it's that what matters is that I'm right here right now - what I'm doing is sort of irrelevant? The core details exist and the little ones don't matter.
For example with the dog again, when I come back from a walk in the winter time I know what you mean. The dogs feet are soaked, so are mine. I'm all hot and bundled up with wet socks. My jacket just got stuck as I was taking it off. But man, then I grab that towel and I start rubbing down my dogs legs, she hands me her paw all dainty and pants and then hands me the other one. Licking the air and looking at me. She's just so damn precious that all I can focus on is how cute it is to clean her paws after our walk, with the added benefit that now the entire floor and furniture doesn't get wet/muddy. It's not so much the result of dry cleanliness I'm going for as much as it is living in the moment with her.
Each of these are rooted in plans with expected outcomes, or the results of something else unplanned. If you are able to shift your perspective about these things, that truly can help.
When plans with expected outcomes don't go your way, I find myself looking at whether it was in my control or out of my control, and to what degree if any. Sometimes things are just entirely out of our control. If that's the case, then so what? What could we possibly have done? Absolutely nothing, so why fret?
Sometimes it was something in our control. Well, if it didn't happen and it was a mistake then it's something to learn from and work on. If it wasn't, then whatever still? Most things in life hardly affect us for more than 6 hours, so realistically why let something small affect you for even that long in the first place? If it was in your control then now you've learned how to better navigate it next time.
There's all sorts of things that I could say, I understand and relate to this. Nothing that I'm saying by the way is meant to be negative, I recognize the same things and these are how I am about it.
My partner is very different from me, a cap to a soda could fall and the next 20 minutes are stressful. The disappointment from not getting something expected will last the rest of the day. But the in/out of control still remains true.
My only real "suggestion" among all this, since it's mostly just validation, is that where possible try to set yourself up for success. Make routines that make your life easier - I've started setting a towel down as part of my W.A.L.K. preparation so she walks in that and I fold it round her when we're back.
Follow the 5-5-5 rule, does it take 5 seconds, 5 minutes, or 50 minutes? If it takes 5 seconds to just put the can away, just do it. If it takes 5 seconds to put the dog food away, just do it. If it takes 5 minutes, plan it around another 5 minute task. Give yourself 15 minutes of dedication to something specific, with 45 minutes of room behind it. .
After 15 minutes, you have either finished your task and you can move on, or you have gotten heavily invested into it and you have the next 40 minutes to continue it. And of course if it takes 50 minutes, then you just know it's a weekly task you have for that day.
And remember, if it's something (small) that would get a negative reaction out of you - why? Is the loss of whatever happened really so much of a setback that taking 5-10-30 minutes more time to react to it worthwhile? But I know that it's not just that easy, but it can always help to have reminders.
Think that's about all from me, but I feel you. As a very happy, bubbly, uplifting person I still understand and resonate with this. I hope what I had to say is able to help, but even if not I hope it helps knowing someone else understands exactly what you are talking about and that this is a sliding scale that people exist on.

So many good suggestions here. And while therapy is definitely a good option, I’d start simpler before spending money on that.
I’d ask one simple question: what are your sleep habits? Sometimes it’s as simple as working to get better sleep. Not more sleep. Better sleep.
If you wake up tired, feeling physically exhausted, then a few things could be at play: you may simply need to stop eating four hours before going to bed, and only drink water, but stop that like two hours before going to bed — and try to use the toilet before going to bed no matter what.
You could be losing sleep due to using a device when you lie down. Either due to time, stimulation, light patterns, etc.
And another, bigger issue, is sleep apnea. A few of the biggest symptoms of sleep apnea are: waking up feeling physically tired (like your arms feel like salamis hanging off, or you feel in a brain fog); falling asleep in the middle of the day for what seems like no reason; finding that to get through the day, you have to have a lot of caffeine to function; nodding off easily while driving; and the most obvious of them — waking up in the middle of the night as if you had to take in a huge gasp of air.
Sleep habit issues and sleep apnea are both major causes of impatience in a person. Source: myself. When I get better sleep (especially after I got on a CPAP), I generally became a more patient person and in many ways a happier person.
There will always be other stressors than the above that can factor in, but for my money, I’d begin there. The other suggestion of drinking more water is another easy first step to see if that helps. Exercise is also an easy step to take because it has the immediate physical and chemical effect in the brain of helping to ease one’s mind.
Everyone is different, but the above has helped me.
I wish you luck in your journey.
- Or: kids. I can't remember the last time I had a good full night's sleep.
  
  True.
- I’ll second the sleep apnea thing. Before I was diagnosed, I was getting terrible sleep and was constantly exhausted and irritable. I’d nod off at my desk mid afternoon occasionally. Getting that under control completely changed my life for the better.

Oh, by not caring. Apathy is the answer.
- Need to channel my inner Gen x and just go, "whatever"

Here recently it seems like everything just gets under my skin so quickly and easily. It’s not that I get mad and take it out on others, it’s just the fact that I’m constantly annoyed and stressed.
Are you annoyed and stressed because everything gets under your skin, or does everything get under your skin because you are constantly annoyed and stressed?

prozac
though i'll be honest, the several months of dialing-in the initial dosage were an absolute hell, but once it starts working... like hot damn, a whole new person. i can't function without it, but everyone reacts differently to SSRIs... so YMMV and it's definitely something to consult a physician about if you're serious.

I don’t know.
There’s a lot of things I’ve stopped giving an emotional fuck about. One of the biggest drivers of that change is that I’ve realized that getting angry at someone or about something has pretty much a 100% failure rate in effecting the change I want to see. If anything it makes things worse. So taking several steps back, or just flat out walking away, is often the best choice. Especially if the issue has no real life benefit that necessitates dealing with it.
Note: that’s pretty much 100% of internet/social media interactions. That doesn’t mean I don’t engage, I do, just that stupidity shouldn’t go unchallenged. I don’t expect anyone to change, though.
That also doesn’t mean there aren’t things worth getting angry about as long as you can direct that anger into something constructive and beneficial, like getting your ass out to vote. Stepping up and participating in a protest against hateful people. Standing up to your employer in a strike so you can be treated, and paid, like you deserve to be.
It’s not easy to walk away. I lose the battle often enough and get wrapped up in the emotions far too often. Stress will make you stumble and fall into the anger trap. Being tired. Or just stupidity. You start wanting to be right instead of doing what is right. We all fuck up. Learn from it. Move on. Let more things go.
E: I guess this is more life in general rather than a muddy floor issue. People say “don’t sweat the little stuff”, but pretty often that’s the hardest to avoid. It’s the little things grinding at you day after day that wear you down, stress you out. Shitty work hours. Low pay. high rent. Noisy neighbors. Irritating co-workers. Sometimes breaking out of the rut can help. Take up a low-cost hobby, head to a gym, go walk or hike somewhere away from people. Allow your mind to take a break and reset if possible.

I'm often seen as calm even though I have my frustrated outbursts. The one thing I make sure to do is not direct that frustration towards other living things.
As you mentioned in the dog analogy, I'll outwardly vocalize what I could have done to avoid the situation and own the blame. I have a couple dogs as well. If I'm upset enough that I notice a change in their behavior I'll play with them to show its okay. Now that I think about it, they started bringing me toys when I'm upset which has a calming effect on its own.
I want other people witnessing my tantrum to understand I'm frustrated with myself. There is always something I could have done to improve/avoid the situation. On the rare occasion I'm unable to self regulate I'll remove myself and take time to reflect. Sometimes it takes a night of sleep.
I've lived with a number of narcissistic and borderline personality types throughout my life. Seeing and experiencing the damage one can do with anger, I've made it a core principal to never project my own shortcomings onto another living thing.
For situations where one could not have done anything, I'll resort to assertiveness principals if I'm not okay with another's behavior or accept the the situation and go into "fix it" mode to mitigate what's in my control.
Key point I suppose is to remove anger, shaming, eluded ignorance, and other forms of manipulative behaviors as a means to control others and to see every frustration as a test of my principals.
- To maybe build on this a little, as someone who grew up in a household with a parent with anger issues who would take their own frustrations out on the family, it definitely helps as something to avoid, but I've found that my inward reactions have gotten better as well once I realized that anger being my immediate reaction was due to growing up in an environment where that was normalized. Even if at the time it could be frightening and I knew even then that it was bad, the human brain is funny and children are impressionable.
  I was in my 30s before I came to terms with the fact that my anger issues, however well controlled the outbursts were and no matter how much I avoided letting other people know it was happening, they were still there and I was still following in the steps of my father emotionally. And recognizing that it's not how everyone feels and it's not just "how my brain works," but conditioning, and conditioning that can be broken. Similarly, I would remove myself and reflect, but I'd start to focus less on me and my reactions and force more empathy by thinking about the person or thing or situation and what led to me being upset. Eventually it got to the point where now my immediate reaction is to rationalize the situation before I emotionally respond. If I think through it and I feel I should actually still be upset, then I can confront it, but in calmer and more rational state, confident that I'm probably justified.
  It still happens sometimes. Mostly it's the normal irritability that everyone feels when they're stressed or tired. And sometimes that old habit comes back and I react a little more hotly than I should for no reason. I have cats that, like your dogs, even if the anger is not directed anywhere near them, they get scared. Seeing that pulls me out real quick and I'll calm down if only just to calm them, then give then scritches and pats to let them know it's okay and they're safe. So I'd probably say that even just having them around has given me a little accountability to help as well and made it easier to avoid. Say I'm having one of those days where I'm just clumsy and uncoordinated and keep dropping or breaking things. I get real close, but my reaction will immediately be to think about making sure they don't get upset. I think it helps over-wright that anger conditioning with conditioning myself to focus on something else.
  So the conclusion I've come to, literally just now while typing all this since I haven't given it a ton of active thought before, is that the conditioning to that reaction has to be broken, and that's usually easier by replacing it so you don't even go to anger, but to something else every time. As every therapist I've ever been to says, you also can't feel shame or upset with yourself for the anger. It's a thing that you want to work on and the bet way to fix it is to dispassionately view it and work on it. Beating yourself up will only make it worse.

Nobody "never gets mad", they just deal. But your issue speaks to something bubbling underneath the surface, it sounds like (obligatory caveat: I am nowhere near a professional). Figure that shit out bc it's not going away.:-(
Maybe you are worried about your job or partner or something, and this little stupid stuff is just how it comes out, bc you won't allow yourself to be mad about the REAL reason you are currently unhappy. It definitely sounds like it is yourself that you are mad about... but even that could be a smokescreen or like projection or some such, if it were not okay to be mad at someone/something else.
Therapy could help if you could afford it - even just the time bc there are like volunteer orgs that lower the cost - but you can also do a lot on your own, like try to create a safe space where it is okay to be mad about whatever, even if it seems "wrong". Stupid dog tracking stupid dirt on the stupid carpet... why can't I ever do anything right? (Like: I could not even marry someone who I don't highly suspect is cheating on me... WTF!? Or maybe not that, maybe it's a midlife crisis with career, or children, or who knows what else). Eventually your brain will allow you to know what is REALLY bothering you, when telling you that fact will cause a lesser amount of pain than doing so right now would.
IMHO, start with: you are not okay, this is not normal, and things can get much better (REALLY!), but it will take effort and possibly time (depending on how deeply ingrained whatever it is turns out to be).

I can't tell you. I experimented with psychedelics in my 20s, and it wouldn't surprise me if that change in behavior was one take away from that time... It's easy to say life is meaningless, but to personally experience it (or at least what felt like it at the time) is a whole different thing.
After that realization, you get some perspective I guess.

Imagine you're being recorded and you have to watch it back later. Sometimes it's easier to see ourselves from others perspective than our own. Patience is a skill, you have to use it to get good at it

OP, if you figure it out, do honestly let me know. I'm very similar to you, but instead of anger at the world, mine is despair. Stupid, insignificant things make me catastrophize and freak the fuck out and make me think of stabbing myself whereas other people just have an easier time shrugging life off. I don't get how they do it and why I'm so unintentionally dramatic.

It took me a lot of practice. I used to get mad at everything too. Almost violently so (hence the username "fury"). I realized over time I don't want to spend that much effort being mad at anything. It's not worth it. I'm going grey fast enough as it is without willingly adding to it. I'd rather focus my energy on something more enjoyable.
Except Bing Chat. Bing Chat can go take a long walk off a short pier, and I wish everybody who worked on Bing Chat a very "good heavens what were you thinking". Give me back my regular search results, thank you very much.
- Why are you using bing in the first place
  
  At first, because Microsoft bribed me with reward points for using it. Then I came to realize Bing wasn't all that bad. Until about a year ago when they started pushing the chat stuff.

I understand your frustration. It seems the two answers are "try therapy" and practice controlling your thoughts in the moment. Which can be annoying when you've already been doing both. I don't have any better answers unfortunately.

Once upon a time, I had anger issues and would get pissed at anyone for any reason. I have 3 main self-help tricks, but keep in mind that self-help can only go so far.
The moment you notice it, stop everything and reflect on if it's worth being upset about. Everything is deserving of some amount of irritation, but only the big things are worth getting irritated about.
Practice mindfulness. Check in on yourself every so often during the day to see how you feel. If you're in a bad mood, try to identify why first. If it's a general feeling and not a specific cause, take about 10 minutes to pause your day and focus on breathing.
Redirect those feelings towards something that deserves it. Righteous anger is a very strong tool, and fighting the things that are the focus of that anger is highly rewarding because it often leaves a positive impact. As an example, I have a lot of righteous anger towards the way my coworkers and I are being treated. To fight that anger I'm helping to form a union. It's rewarding to see people realize that they deserve better
- I always ask my son if getting angry is helping. He usually stops, realizes it isn't helping, and tries another approach. No always, though, just like me. Doing our best, right?
  
  Amen to that! That's why I need a foil to rant about, usually societal issues, just so I can let off that steam