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I consider the Portuguese as quiet.
And why are large parts of Germany and Czechia not beer?
Because this is all complete bullshit.
Because it's a joke and isn't supposed to be scientifically accurate?
A joke has to be somewhat accurate to land or to be funny. Otherwise it's not a joke, it's just "stuff".
There might be a cultural difference what quality standards are expected from a joke here.
I demand scientifically accurate jokes! >:(
At least these few things that are not just "North vs. South" could be a bit more accurate.
It's not perfectly accurate but the south-west of Germany, especially along the rivers of Rhine and Moselle, is wine country.
Finland also should be beer Europe.
*Nordics
I've seen other maps where the beer, wine, and vodka regions all overlap onto Czechia. While I'd say it's mostly beer here, there's definitely a good amount of wine too. Moravia is a big wine growing region.