Is it possible to eat in such a way that you'll never have to fart?

I can guarantee that if you drank pure petroleum and ate quicklime then you would spend the rest of your life without worrying about farts.

In short, no. To explain: you have a bunch of beneficial bacteria living inside your digestive tract. These little guys help you digest your food, and in return they get a free meal. This basically means that the food you eat ferments into poo. Fermentation always results in gas being released (think how the plastic wrap on a bowl of dough can puff up as it proves.) So to sum it up, unless you drank a strict water-only diet, anything you eat can give you gas. (Even then, you would probably still naturally swallow some air with the water, and some would make it to the other end as a fart.)

Neat fact: Late in WWII, Germany deployed a rocket fighter. This rocket could climb to 12K in a three minuets. Consequently, the pilots had to eat a special low fiber diet to prevent gas because the change in pressure caused severe intestinal distress.

Of course that was the least of the pilot's problems. The Me163 was so crazy dangerous it made OceanGate look as safe as the Bank of England.

bro is doing the 3 day no fart challenge 💀

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why would you want to give up one of life's little joys?

Take it from me. You don't want to give up farting.

It’s not possible to never fart but you can do things to reduce gas in your intestines. Here is an article about it. Sounds pretty miserable to me.

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-farting#elimination-diet

There is a diet created by Monash University researchers called the Low FODMAP diet. Essentially FODMAPs are harder to digest sugars that exacerbate GI symtpoms, like farts and cramps. Most people won't see or feel much of a difference but those with GI issues (or those with a fart journal) may see a difference with the diet

However it is a rather strict diet to keep at first until you start reintroducing foods to figure out which foods cause the gas, so I would only recommend it if the gas is extreme or there is cramping or other GI related symtpoms.

I was on the diet for over a year by recommendation of a gastroenterologist and can confirm that after some time the farts were kinda rare and not the smelly kind. But like others have mentioned, farts are natural and cannot be eliminated.

My auntie swore by taking charcoal tablets. We just suspected she'd gone deaf.

Depends on what you mean by rarely.

The gas is produced in part by the bacteria in your digestive system, it's all part of the process, you can't avoid it.

Not all people react the same to all food, e.g. if you are lactose intolerant your body don't produce the enzymes needed to break down lactose, similar issues can be avoided by a selective diet.

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Stop eating anything with high fructose corn syrup. I promise it works.

If you hold on for a few minutes, it will be absorbed by the colon and go into your bloodstream. Then it will be released into the atmosphere through your skin. Soundlessly and smellessly.

My gf almost never farts. She's given me a complex about it, i stg. She says she trained herself not to by sheer willpower, and in spite of living together for almost 2 years, I've only caught her like twice.

I hardly ever fart, the rest of my family are a veritable natural gas factory. I do not eat sugar, or dairy and an vegetarian. Lots of black beans, not magical fruit for me. I never eat processed foods, and hardly ever eat bread or other gluten... I do have pasta once a week or so

Gut ecology is complex and everyone's is different and it changes over time and with age and when you have to take antibiotics, etc. There's no one sure-fire way to just eliminate it.

Cyanid comes to mind.

Yes. A keto diet (less than 20gr of carbohydrates per day) or a no-carb diet make you rarely if ever fart.

Bacteria in your intestines can break down some carbs releasing methane and hydrogen gas. If there is very little carbs in your diet, then the bacteria in your gut won't produce a lot of gas.

This is a common realization of first-timers of these diets and therefore a frequently asked question on r/keto etc.

Side-note:

Due to the shift in diet, some gut bacteria, that rely heavily on carbs, might die off, which increases gas, but after a couple of days your body adapts to the diet and the flatulence ends.

To a certain degree, yes; either burp more, or eat food that is easier to digest.

If you're avoiding fast food, pears, beans etc. and you're still coming across this issue, you may want to check with your doctor and see if you have any digestive issues

All I can say is don't take metformin if you're worried about farting. Otoh I've been reading that it's something of a wonder drug that extends your life expectancy and quality of life, though perhaps at others' expense where the latter is concerned…

Otherwise, I do know of a Japanese folk remedy that involves cooking any bean dish with some kombu–a type of hard dried seaweed not to be confused with the rather faddy kombucha, which I think is made from mushrooms or some kind of yeast? You don't even have to eat the kombu but toss it aside like a bayleaf, though it is edible. Then again, there is always beano.

If these figures are accurate and I am reading the chart correctly, housing prices went from about 2.7x annual income to about 6.4x annual income. I feel like artificially low rates have had the effect of inflating house prices along with builders building houses that are too big and with too many features. Very few 3 bed, 1 bath houses without large garages. People who wanted these houses are forced to buy bigger houses because that's about all that's available.

I never fart on a meat and fish only diet. Bread, potatoes, rice etc? I fart

Anything animal based like beef and pork. Also your poop will be dark brown and small. Win win

In case you really want to do this, research on how to get into carnivore first. You probably will get the shits first if you get in head on first. But after that, it’s almost no gas and no poop

The whole30 diet did that and more for me!

Uhoh. It’s another no poo post

Im not sure if this is allowed, but I asked chatgpt because I just discovered it and I'm bored:

Flatulence is a natural bodily function and a normal part of the digestive process. It is not possible to eliminate farting completely, as it is a result of gas buildup in the gastrointestinal system. However, certain dietary changes may help reduce excessive gas production and the frequency of flatulence:

1. Avoid gas-producing foods: Some foods can cause more gas than others, such as beans, lentils, cabbage, broccoli, onions, carbonated drinks, and certain types of fruits. Limiting or avoiding these foods may help decrease flatulence.

2. Eat smaller, more frequent meals: Overeating can lead to increased intestinal gas production. Consuming smaller portions at mealtime and having regular, balanced meals throughout the day can be beneficial.

3. Slow down while eating: Eating too quickly can cause swallowing air, leading to increased gas in the digestive system. Take your time to chew food thoroughly and avoid talking while eating.

4. Be mindful of food intolerances: Some individuals may have intolerances to certain foods, such as lactose or gluten, which can contribute to excessive gas production. Identifying and avoiding trigger foods can help alleviate symptoms.

5. Probiotics: Consuming foods and beverages that contain live cultures of beneficial bacteria (probiotics) may help promote a healthy balance of gut bacteria and reduce digestive issues, including gas. Examples include yogurt, sauerkraut, and kefir.

Remember, occasional flatulence is normal and healthy. If you experience excessive or persistent bloating, discomfort, or changes in bowel habits, it is advisable to consult a medical professional to rule out any underlying digestive conditions or concerns.

Once you have solved this filthy little secret problem that you've been hiding from your loved ones, you can turn your attention to those big greasy turds that you have been producing every day. You flush them away but we know, we can smell the odour of shit and air freshener. We know when the captain starts walking with short strides he's clearing the poop deck, ready to drop anchor.