There's so much stigma around this sort of thing. It's getting better, but the mindset that children are a gift and parents should be constantly grateful for that gift is still very prevalent.
The reality is that whilst children are absolutely incredible, life affirming and all that good stuff...an awful lot of being a parent is frankly, horrible.
In the history of the world, probably only baby boomers and maybe some of X thought this. Any time else in history, kids are there only due to the desire to fuck. Hell, the Romans drove a plant extinct with their need for birth control.
I kinda wish it would expand on the fact that for some people, the constant care and all that is not for them, and doesn't make it "a good deal"
Other than that it's a great summary, coming from someone that doesn't want any.
Literally standing in my kitchen right now reading this at 645am, awake since 4 because my sick 2 year old has been crying and screaming non stop, my wife in bed upstairs with our 2 day old new born, and I'm covered in peanut butter trying to make a nutritious lunch for my 5 year old for school. I have to wake her up soon to get her started. Make eggs for breakfast.
Her booster seat isn't fitting in the middle seat between my sons car seat and infant newborn car seat. So I have to fix that before we leave. My son is most likely drawing on the walls in the entertainment room.
And before 9 I need to feed the chickens and relieve my wife from her sleepless night with a newborn.
Burden is an understatement. Having a sore back is a burden. Having kids is a dynamic lifestyle change. And while sometimes I imagine not having kids and how amazing it would be to be free from that lifestyle, it always comes to the same conclusion: I wouldn't exchange my family life for anything. My children are me and I wouldn't remove them as much as I wouldn't remove my back because it was sore.
First of all, keep up the good work, it sounds like you're an awesome dad and husband my man. I never wanted kids but I now have 6, some of them put me through some shit but I wouldn't trade any of it for a child-free life.
Sounds like you just don't know as many different types of people as you think you do. There are plenty of people who drone on endlessly about how children are nothing but a blessing, how perfect parenthood is, and a bunch of other lies that they may or may not actually believe.
Than you don't know my ex who almost popped a vein when I said "the burden of the kids is on my shoulders" and she started making like it was blasphemous to think or say that about kids.
Idk how unpopular this is. Everyone I've ever talked to said that children are a burden. Of course they are. It's hard work to grow plant, lol, and these are whole people. The acronym DINK exists for a reason. That said, it's a worthwhile burden. I love being a parent.
Who have you met that said raising kids isn't a burden?
They exists, they are the people who wants kids and can't have them, the people who think kids can do no wrong, and then there's my ex-wife who actually is burden by our kids when she has them but doesn't want to say they are a burden because it would make her look bad lol
I went to a Nerd Night where a positive psychologist shared about PERMA, a break down of the pillars of being happy: Positive Emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment.
Her take on kids (based on her research) was that P,E,R, and A definitely take a hit, but parents consistently had the highest happines when it came to Meaning in their life. Overall advice on the question of "Do kids make you more happy than no kids?" was "It really depends on the person."
I've got two (5,1). I absolutely adore them both, but I'd be lying if I said that having kids hasn't made my life significantly harder, my mental health significantly worse and my sense of self significantly weaker.
I guess at the very least I get to enjoy their excited faces when I get home from work. Can't imagine you get much of that when they pass you on the way to their bedroom later on?
The benefit of kids is that on average they become less of a burden over time. meanwhile adults, especially of certain generations klinging to the means of production, power and denying political change necessary to keep the earth livable, are just becoming more of a fucking burden for everyone else every god damn year and they also act all smug about it.
I'm convinced that having kids causes a brain chemistry change that makes parents willing to deal with their children. Otherwise, the majority of people would never have kids or abandon them shortly after birth.
My mom says babies are cute because otherwise more would end up in dumpsters.
She also told me she didn't like kids. I asked her why she had so many, then? "Well, I like you all NOW, I knew you would grow up."
Which, while sort of a mean thing for her to say, I think does make sense - people always say they don't want kids, understandable, but kids are just young humans, you were a kid too. You aren't having kids, you are growing people. Adults.
I think burden is the wrong word. It implies an overall negative effect on life, like saying that playing a sport is a burden because you have to dedicate time and energy to it. Yes, my daughter does take up a huge part of my life and I've had to give up hobbies in order to make time for her.
Webster has "duty, responsibility" listed as one of the definitions of burden. In that sense I think they are spot on. However, other people's interpretation of the word can obviously vary
I dunno. Yeah they cost money and take time, but it's what I want to do with my money and my time.
If I didn't have children I'd be burdened with stuff like eating out everyday and travelling the world. Those are also really cumbersome things to do. Cost money and take time.
I guess it is called living. I think it's alright.
Burden vs Not Burden I guess. Most of us seem like we're pretty sane people with the honesty that children are a burden and you know what, we're alright with that.
Just ask the family member that you want to help what you should do. If the kids are young they like to talk your ear off or play. Many a kid used me as a make shift tree to climb on lol
Definitely due to the negative image of the word for some people and I guess a sentence could be crafted to make something like saying kids are a burden to make it sound cheerful and some people would be fooled by it lol
It depends on how self centered you are. It's like that song "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" by The Hollies. It applies to children too.
The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where?
Who knows where?
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
So on we go
His welfare is my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another
It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share?
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
Perhaps but it is also unhealthy to think that way. Selfless people tend to get taken advantage of and that it in itself is a big burden. It made for good lyrics back in the time of love and peace though.
My children get everything they need and then some, they are loved and cherished, and we also have tons of family support. The fuck is the problem with also recognizing that parenting is an extremely difficult task which requires a huge investment in time, money and devotion?