My GF made me breakfast today

Well, she's definitely not a cooker.

I was served bacon that looked like that at Skegness Seal Sanctuary and we still joke it was made from the ones that didn't make it.

I think you should keep her away from a kitchen

Did she boil the fucking bacon? Is that how it came out that way? I don't know it's weird. I mean hard-boiled eggs just do that sometimes but what the fuck. It's not hard to throw it in a frying pan. My fiance bakes it which is... Fine...
- Yes, all cooked in the same pot at the same time as the eggs :>
  
  Call ICE on her. If she’s white, tell them she’s irish. They don’t count as white again, so she’ll get sent to Venezuela where she might learn something about cooking. It might be cooking meth, but that’s still preferable to whatever that atrocity in the picture is.

BF/GF2 should raise the bar on her, perfect opportunity to flex.
Bacon should be cooked on a single layer in a pan preheated to medium high (about 2/3rds the dial) and flipped after some of the bacon has begun to shrink. Cover and reduce heat, remove from heat once the sizzling sound becomes quieter. The line between perfect bacon and overcooked perhaps slightly burnt is a number of seconds.
For boiled eggs, heat the water to a Rolling Boil. Very important. Then carefully lower in the eggs with some utensils. Wet yoke but cooked whites is usually achieved after about 3 minutes. Fully cooked after 8 to 10 minutes. Rinse the eggs and set in cold water for at least 2 minutes. The egg shells should be able to peel completely off without missing pieces because we brought to water to boil before adding the eggs.
For toast we're going to use my Honey White Bread recipe, but you'll have to rise it for at least 4 hours so maybe start it the night before.
4 cups bread flour
1 and 1/4 cup water
1/6th cup honey
1.5 teasp Salt
2 teasp Active Yeast (I buy the brown jars, they're more effective than packets because the yeast needs to be alive)
1 tablesp olive oil
Mix by hand, then flatten and roll, then flatten and roll the other direction. Continue kneading until one consistent texture. It should be smooth and have a slight gloss to it. If it's too stratified or loose add small amounts of water, if it's too sticky then add flour. Cover with thin plastic or with a wet cloth, if the cloth sticks then wet it some more and it should let go. Rise for 2 hours, knead it again, then move it to the pan to rise it again for at least 2 and up to 16 hours (the longer you wait the more sour-dough like taste it obtains). Prepare either a breadpan, thin and tall work best, or a flat pan with parchment paper by covering it in solid at room temp coconut oil.
Cooking temp and time can depend on pan choice but a safe bet is 385F for about 30 to 40 minutes. You want to pull it out once as much of the crust as possible has browned. You can optionally apply a beaten mixture of egg and water ("egg wash" they call it) with a brush every 10 to 15 minutes to achieve a soft thin crust, then cover with wet cloth after pulling out. If not using egg wash, finish with a brush of olive oil and a light salting near completion and let cool without covering. Let sit for 20 minutes to cool.
I don't have a recipe for butter but salted butter for a topping or unsalted for baking with.
- Your egg instructions are rediculous and don't account for elevation. Using those instructions will not yield the same results everywhere
  
  Elevation doesn't account for density height let alone pressure height. Instructions incomplete
- Recipe is totally unusable, no preface about a trip to Rome and how you were feeling, nothing.
  Just straight up Recipe that's ludicrous
- The line between perfect bacon and overcooked perhaps slightly burnt is a number of seconds.
  This is the biggest reason I bake bacon. I can bake nearly a pound of bacon in the time it takes to make the rest of breakfast and seconds don't make the difference between perfect and burnt. You can dial that shit in to the perfect level of crispiness.
  Bacon spread out on a cooling rack set inside a sheet pan in a cold oven. Set to bake at 200°C or 400°F. After 20 minutes, check on it every 5 minutes until done to your liking. Thicker bacon takes longer obviously. Drain the grease and save for later cooking use.

Hmm, good old weaponized incompetence
- Lmao that's so real, I think she boiled the bacon out of spite.

A pig died so that she could boil a part of it into shoe leather. Then you had to eat it. The things we do for sex…

Damn... Wtf did you do to piss her off that she boiled the bacon while boiling the eggs?
- Energy efficiency. It's no crime to care about global warming 🧐
  
  Fry it all on the same pan.
  
  No no no. In this case it was a crime against the memory of that pig.
  
  I think this might be an exception...
  
  I'd assume if you care about global warming you'd also avoid eating meat. Maybe more important for beef than bacon though. Anyway, I interrupted your chewing, please continue!
  
  The methane the pig and chicken made are worse than the gas it would take to cook them.
  
  The amount of energy you (as a consumer) use is nominal in comparison to big corporations; especially the big corporate farms. So you might as well heat up a second pan to make the bacon, because you’re suffering unnecessarily for no gains.
  But make no mistake, what I said above is in no way a negative reflection on you or your future wife.
  
  Are we just ignoring the significant amount of energy it would take to get a pot of water up to a boil?
  
  In that case I agree, def. a keeper.
  
  Bacon abuse is a crime.
  
  I'll take an extra fire tornado, to never have to see that again

I swear I saw the bacon move.

My brain is now forever tainted with the idea that you can, and some people do, boil bacon.
- If you put a little water in the pan with cold bacon it will steam for a bit and help render out the fat before it then deep-fries in that fat. To much water and you get whatever this is.
  
  Y'all've seriously never tried grilling your bacon in the oven? The fat just melts off and leaves your bacon perfect. If you like it crispy, just leave it in for a bit longer.
  
  Not even. You can totally submerge the bacon in a pan full of water. As you say, the fat renders out and you then fry it in that fat when the water all boils off.
  This is literally just boiling it and taking it out of the water like it's fucking spaghetti or something.
  
  Fried bacon fat is amazing...
  There is only one true way to cook bacon and it's in a CI pan and in it's own grease.

Are you certain she likes you?

Yeah 🙃 Keep'er far away from the kitchen.

Frying both the egg and bacon would probably use much less energy and be 100 times more tasty than whatever this is.. If I have to boil bacon, I might as well not eat it at all.. 😅
- If I have to boil bacon, I might as well not eat it at all.. 😅
  This gave me a sudden flash of Uncle Roger. If you boil bacon, bacon is fuckt up. Aya!

I hope you call your girlfriend BB from now on. Not because it is a bastardization of "Baby" but because it is short for boiled bacon.

Is she... English?!
- Can't be, no beans.
- Fuck off. No English plate has seen bacon and eggs that grim.
  
  Ooooh the breakfast horrors at my hotel in Paignton.
- Our bacon is way better than that shit you philistine.
  
  British food may get a bad rep, but if there's one thing we know it's a fucking fry up.

She shouldn't have
- But really..

What crime did she commit against the Bacon?
- I'm washing the pot now. It was boiled in the same pot water as the eggs. Saves electricity
  
  I just fry my eggs in the bacon grease, same energy, probably not as healthy but it doesn't look like a crime scene either.
  
  You're saving 2c and wasting bacon.... If you want to boil everything maybe pick foods that aren't depressing when boiled.

"May your bacon always be boiled." is certainly a worthwhile curse.

Red flag.
- It looks more pink than red to me.
  
  That's grey/gray

I'd be grateful to have anyone in my life that would think to cook for me. I'd eat this without complaint and thank them.
Then, I'd offer to teach them to cook. We aren't born knowing how, it's a learned skill.

We shall cook these items in the light of the sun. -Human girlfriend

- this whole mountain is pure snow

This was not an act of love, but rather the exact opposite
- Crime against humanity

I'm sorry for your loss.
- May it find flavor in the afterlife🙏

"Hey, why don't I cook next time?"

She found a way to remove excess salt and fat from the bacon without adding it to the eggs!
- She found a way to remove excess ~~salt and fat~~ flavor and texture from the bacon without adding it to the eggs!
  Ftfy

Bruh you don't have to re-inflict the atrocity, this isn't the fucking Ring

How was it?
- Managed to choke it down with a healthy dollop of chili sauce :>

Just Boiled Bacon 😧

Besides the look I doubt you can boil bacon to the point of it tasting bad. Now I gotta test that theory.
- Boiled bacon is a thing in Japan. I have to hunt and pay out the ass to find streaky bacon that will crisp up, particularly that is also smoked.
  The boiled one tastes OK in things, but I have zero desire to ever eat it on its own.
- [USER DECEASED; ACCOUNT REDACTED]
  
  I'll be hung until dead promptly in the A.M.

Photo needs more HDR.