I cheated. Wife forgave me. How to reearn trust?
I cheated. Wife forgave me. How to reearn trust?
I was a piece of shit, I know.
I cheated. Wife forgave me. How to reearn trust?
I was a piece of shit, I know.
Some opinions as someone who has been on the other side of this:
My discovery happened almost a decade ago. I would have been well within my rights to dump her ass and never talk to her again, but I didn't. I thought it was at least worth trying to stick around and see if we could work things out before doing that, given we made that whole "till death do we part" oath and were still breathing. She was not owed this - I did that for me. Things are better, and we are in a much, much better place than we were. Still, this pops to mind at least once a day, and has every day since it happened.
Not gonna lie to you man - you have a tough row to hoe. I will say, with time and a shit ton of work, it's possible to remain together, and both of you be happy about it. But there will now always be a pre-cheating and post-cheating division when thinking about your marriage. The goal, if you are remaining together, is to build something much better and stronger than what you had before. That may happen, that may not. But putting the work in gives the greatest probability of success.
Best of luck to you - seriously, you fucked up, and fucked up BIG, but we are all human, and therefore liable to fuck up. No matter what the outcome of all this is, learn from it and grow.
I never cheated nor have I been cheated on, but this makes so much sense regardless. Well-worded af.
Also I'm sorry the thing happened to you. ❤️
Thank you, I appreciate that.
I wrote something a little while back on here, in many ways related to this, that I still take to heart. Hope anyone reading this and relating can take something from it, so I think it's worth sharing again.
Genuine sorrow hurts, but my god if it isn't a fascinating and powerful state. It's 100% transformative, in a good way, if you allow it to be. Sorrow and the journey back, imo, is a vital trial in human development, all the more interesting because it's truly universal. The risk is so hardening yourself against pain that it's detrimental, the prize is a deeper capacity for empathy.
To love, and to lose, and to find your way back to love again - it doesn't feel this way in the slough of despond, but on the other end and with some time it's a beautiful thing.
Good luck on your journey. Real life is messy and everyone has their own unique challenges navigating it. Sounds like you are a very mature individual.
Very profound. Thanks for sharing it.
Kudos for trying to stay in the marriage. Not because of the oath, but for yourself. I can imagine that the hurt must have been immense and that the temptation to leave and start fresh was big.
When I was younger this was black and white for me. As I have grown older I have realized that life is not that simple. I have been fortunate enough to not experience this myself, but after a relationship for 11 years I can understand why people stay after cheating.
It's so easy for someone to say that it is black and white on social media. You see it all the time with all sorts of things related to relationships and human behaviour.
Having your perspective in this is really valuable, thanks for sharing.
Thank you. It was certainly not an easy decision, but I like to think it was right one. Even if our relationship ultimately ended, at least I would be able to tell myself that I tried. Luckily, we tried - imperfectly, uncomfortably - and we're still here.
So, my partner of 5 years cheated on me when I was away to see friends, we had an argument just before I left, I was exhausted and my friend offered for me to come stay with them, they could clearly see I was suffering. I just needed some space from the situation and to see some friends.
I was only away for 3 days and made sure I would return the day before our anniversary.
She went out the night before I came home, went to a bar and got picked up, took them back to our place and fucked.
I only found out because I had a weird feeling about something I couldn't put my finger on. I checked her laptop and her whatsapp through there. There was archived messages showing she messaged the guy in the morning saying you left your x item of clothing and then also asking "did you finish, I'm wet down there." He said no, but when I confronted her she said they wore a condom. This was a lie as I got a STI that same week. But she still claims they did.
I went to therapy 2 times a week after that, I wanted to make it work. The therapist recommended time apart as she put it, we were codependent and we have a Dad/Daughter dynamic that's imbalanced.
We had 1 month off from each other about 2months after the cheating, I still think I need more time. She keeps on saying she loves me, I don't say it back. She says she's grown since the time apart but she hasn't.
How can someone love me when the actions don't match? I can see clearly since we had the break and got back together the full lack of empathy she has for me.
She's manipulated me, taken financial advantage of me and worst of all made me feel depressed and suicidal for the first time in my life.
Honestly I don't think I can continue but I can't stop feeling responsible for her. Fuck my life.
Hey, I can understand this. If you need more time take it, you are fully in the right to take it as long as you need, because even if you feel responsible for her you hvae much mor responsibility for yourself than for anybody else. I think she is a grown up person and did know what she did at that time.
Excellent post. If I’m ever in this situation, I will come back to this.
Wow. I just came here to read the replies, because I have no advice to offer. OP should print yours out. It’s fantastic.
Thank you for the kind words!