please help me make this a reality (see inside for details)

if youve never eaten tofu DO NOT TRY IT

it is so good

my nephew coerced me into trying it by calling me a pussy in front of my friends for refusing i pretended i hated it so the guys didnt think i was gay but it was so good and i cant get away with eating it in secret because my wife wont let me go to the grocery store anymore but i wouldnt want to eat it anyway because i heard it turns you into a girl

so anyway

thats why i need a manly alternative ive got these ungodly liberal cravings for tofu and theres no meatbased alternative... YET so i made this concept art using a website and now i just need to do three things

• patent it
• get a factory
• figure out how to make it

if you know how to do these things please tell me how to do them