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Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world

"no" banana @lemmy.world

3d ago

Stop touching your stuff!

75 comments

LOL. Must learn to think before I speak/post. So hard.

You can hang on to the penis of someone who's climbing.
- You can also buy an auto-jacker and go hands free.
  
  I love living in the future
  
  Does the auto-jacker go on the penis or the ladder? Honestly sounds like it could work for either one.

I hate being on ladders, I'll stay down here with the penises.
- Hello.

Thanks for assuming it’s a handful

Protip: you can climb perfectly well if said dicks are in your ass.

What if I make a penis ladder? Buncha dudes with raging hard boners standing on each other's shoulders. Two towers of this, with the tips touching.
- What songs lyrics are these fire verses???
  
  This is gonna drive me insane wondering what tune you sung those words to in your head. 😬
  
  Bloodhail by Have A Nice Life?
  "Faces sweaty, arms and legs, what a glorious set of stairs we make" 😉
- If the boners are consistently rigid enough, you might be able to space them out a little to allow for a wider climbing stance, considering the tip-to-tip pressure would be unlikely to generate much added support for your bodyweight.
  
  Hopefully it doesn't take more than four hours to ascend.

So stop at every rung to jerk off. I’m not in a hurry.

I know it's shitposting, but even if we accept the idea that God would be interested by what you do with your own body when you're alone, isn't the whole point of the Bible that you don't have to climb to go to heaven, but accept God's grace?
I.don't understand evangelicalism.
- Some would even argue that the point isn't to accept god's grace but to be a good neighbor and take care of your fellow man.
  
  Yes, I agree. I meant the point about heaven 🙂.
- Some would even argue that the point isn't to accept god's grace but to be a good neighbor and take care of your fellow man.

What about two penises
- What do you think the ladder is made of?
  
  Penises obviously.

No!?! Watch me!!!!
- TBH I could easily climb 1 handed.

I can sure send the guy to heaven though...

Wait, I have to climb all the way up there? No thanks. I'll rather stay down here and spank the monkey.

I was literally touching my penis when my eyes alit on this post.
My first thought was that this was an incredible coincidence, and worthy of remark, but now I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm subconsciously handling this thing more than I realize.

Fuck that, I better at least get a damn elevator.

"Hands full of penis" is a great title.
Mrs. Jane "Hands full of penis" Smith
or
Mr. Samuel "Hands full of penis" Finch
- Hands full of penis is my new album
  
  I don't know if that would be a great or the worst. But I am down for it.

I hoping to ascend and not to climb. I've gotta say, I'm worried that after a while god might not be able to do it. Like he gets me half way up and then I just kind slowly drop down to earth... And hes like all apologizing ... "Sorry, it's been a long day. This has never happened to me before. Maybe we can try again in the morning." So on and so on.
All the while knowing he was intimidated by me swinging around my rock hard cock yelling "Look mom! No hands!"

🎶 What's love but a second hand in motion. 🎶

You say that, but what about St. Paul who is definitely in heaven and was a pathological gooner

Touching your penis IS heaven.
- Aw, thanks :3

Sex gives you STI STOP SEX NOW
- Oh fuck, for free???
  \ I love Subaru

Plot twist. The ladder is made of penises.

Hey who said I had to have my hands full of my own penis? I don't need to touch it to masturbate, and I've touched plenty of other guy's penises. Is my "ladder to heaven" just going to be made out of every guy I slept with? Seems a bit sexist.

I mean, wouldn't you have fairly strong grip strength with a lot of "practice?"
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death-grip_syndrome
  
  I guess someone with that condition could climb the ladder in a hurricane.

Unless you're climbing a penis ladder

Even if I have a Jacob's ladder?

Video proof that’s not true
https://youtu.be/uKNX5xH4fyU

Fuck you. I'm waiting for the shuttle anyway.

No... I like touching myself way too much
- You will never touch your penis with your hands full of heaven ladder
  
  Bold of you to assume I want to go to heaven with all of those "good Christians"
  I would consider that an eternal punishment

I didn't think we were supposed to climb to heaven. Isn't that what the tower of Babel was about?

I love this image.
- I like it too
  e: https://youtu.be/7eKv4BEujFU

I mean, I only really need one hand to climb.

Maybe not to heaven but you might get close?

Oooohhhh, I get it now, it's because you can't climb a normal leader with a raging boner, or at least it's unsafe since you break every step as you drag along.
But as others have pointed out, a leader made of dicks doesn't have that problem since they snap back into place.
God must be a great engineer.

Pennies*

Watch me.
- Ok I'll watch you stop
  
  You'll have to watch me start first 😤

Hetero women, bisexuals and gay guys might just... Stop at that level and stay for a bit.
I'm going to keep climbing until the ladder turns into titties.

Hell, I just slang it over mah shoulder!

Thank god ❤️

Level up, try using your mouth instead

me, who's played Getting Over It:

75 comments