5mo ago

RFK Jr’s first health policy to reintroduce the ‘five second rule’

newsthump.com

18 comments

Things are so insane in America right now, that I wasn't entirely sure this was satire.
<stares in Gulf of America and Red, White, and Blueland>
- Don't forget Ohio's new proposed law for life starts at ejaculation!
  
  To be fair, that one was meant to fail. It was supposed to show that they have no qualms with regulating women's bodies and choices, but men's are out of the question.
  
  I thought that was Mississippi?
  
  That was literally a scene where they discussed how dumb this idea was in Legally Blonde. Satire writes itself.
I hate that I actually have to check the sub every time I read a fucking headline
Swallowed that onion whole this time 🧅 lol
After it's been dropped on the ground for less than five seconds, of course.
Surgeon: "uh oh, I guess I dropped that heart on the floor."
Nurse: "ha, got it. Five second rule, just put it back in."
I was thinking 'no, this can't be' and thankfully... it was not real.
- Headline seemed plausible... how sad is that
  I feel for the onion, how hard it is today to sound outrageous
  
  Satire is dead.
Next, he implements the ‘you break it you buy it’ equivalent for road kill: ‘you hit it you eat it’ *
*exception: if you have a plane to catch, you are allowed 1 (one) dump it in the park and bail.
Wait we stopped following the 5 second rule? I thought you only ignored the 5 second rule if it was something wet
- During covid was reduced to 2 seconds and never bring back to 5. This is an actual good move imo.
- now it's fine to pick wet stuff up off the floor and eat it too.
It’s the onion and yet it sounds about right for him.
Most of health care seems to be holding their collective breath right now. Some of the surgeons are working more patients, anticipating awful things.
Next up: an increase in the number of allowed whale decapitations to five (5).
It would be more believable if he introduced a 5 minute rule.

18 comments