What else you got, Lemmy?

Your soap always has a pubic hair on it when you get in the shower, even though you took it off last time.

Mobile phone screen protectors always have a bubble with a grain of sand in it.

Bike tire is always slowly leaking, but there is no discernable puncture.

Mobile phone volume controls are always next to the power button so whenever you want to adjust the volume, you lock the screen instead.

Kitchen sink drains slowly.

Petrol tank in the lawn mower and your petrol can are always empty when you need to cut the grass, so you have to go buy more before you can mow the lawn.

Whipper snipper line keeps breaking within 10s of starting, due to your awful couch grass.

Doorbell battery is always flat.

Driveway camera alerts always come through just as the delivery person is driving away with the package you needed to sign for.

Clothing on sale is always too small or too big.

Any clothes that fit when you buy them shrink in the wash.

Smoke alarm low battery chirps always start in the middle of the night, and you don't have any replacement batteries. Also, they are randomly between 5 and 10 minutes apart so it takes a long time to find which one has the low battery.

Your bread loaf is always mouldy before your weekly grocery shop.

When you want to eat them, bananas and avocados are always unripe, or all brown inside.

Apples have a 50% chance to be floury inside but you can't tell until you bite.

The person next to you on the train always has a cold.

Bus timetables don't line up with train timetables.

Red light cycles are timed so you get the red on each intersection unless you exceed the speed limit.

The sun is always low in the sky and in your eyes (directly or in the mirror), while driving to and from work.

Supermarket workers always give you the product that expires earliest when you order groceries for pickup.

When washing your hands, water always is running into your sleeve.

Every meal you eat results in popcorn lodged in between your teeth regardless of what you eat

Every show you ever watch will be really interesting and engaging ending on a giant season 1 cliffhanger and will be canceled never having a followup episode.

Everybody's really nice, but they're super into virtuosic prog rock and won't shut up about it.

You always get ketchup water when applying ketchup, regardless if someone used it before you or if you've shaken the bottle.

Every fart is a gamble

The first circle of heck is for people who listen to media in public without headphones. They shall walk through life with lots of AV media available to them, but the soundtrack never matches the video.

The second circle of heck is for the people who take up two parking spaces. They are damned to a place where they all have shittier cars than everyone else forever.

The third circle of heck is for people who pull fire alarms as pranks. They may live their lives as normal, except sometimes a loud noise will happen and they will be taken outside the building and drowned with a fire hose for awhile. Forever.

The fourth circle of heck is for programmers who don't document their code. They will be stranded in a country whose language they have no way of learning.

The fifth circle of heck is for Toyota engineers. For the sin of putting the oil filter directly underneath the exhaust manifold, they shall have the skin of the back of their hands blowtorched off a few times a day, every day.

The sixth circle of heck is for the people who just can't get out of the way at the grocery store. All of the delicious food they could ever want is buried 5 miles deep, and they are equipped with oven mitts on their hands for digging.

The seventh circle of heck is for people who modify their cars to have loud exhausts, get a dog that barks at all hours of the day, etc. They live normal lives, but they can hear the Sun.

Nobody chews with their mouth closed, and you aren’t allowed to eat by yourself

Your pillow is always warm on both sides

You have to live with a dog that doesn't like pets / pats.

any time you're just about to fall asleep you have a 51% chance of hearing a mosquito fly past your ear

You are perpetually stuck at a 4 way stop sign and no one will go, as everyone is waving everyone else to go first.

Everything glares and your eyes hurt. It also smells constantly of BO and is uncomfortably warm. There is a tinnitus drone on the edge of your hearing. Everyone mumbles. You constantly forget why you came into the room. Food all tastes of cardboard and your scalp itches most of the time. You get cramp in your hands and feet at inopportune times.

You have to use AI as an intermediary to speak to anyone.

in heck you have to travel everywhere by car. and there’s always traffic.

just woke up and want to brush your teeth? that’s gonna be a 15 minute drive to the bathroom. watching tv and want to take a break to get a snack? 20 minute drive to the kitchen. want to go to the supermarket to pick up some more milk? 40 minute drive, round trip.

Whenever you talk, someone interrupts.

Lunchroom conversations are all politics, all the time.

You always finish your snacks while thinking there's one more handful.

Your sister-in-law is eternally staying for a few days.

They're never chocolate chips. They're always raisins.

Every month, you have to give a large proportion of your income to someone who owns 40 houses and you have to go through them to get anything in the house fixed. Every time you attempt to do that, they will complain and potentially buy some white paint, even if it is a plumbing issue.

I think perhaps you could build an entire community around this premise.

My list, FWIW:

Sinks in public washrooms either don’t turn on when you put your hand under it, or only turns on when you pull your hands away.

The other lane always moves faster.

Everyone is always, always clearing their throats.

• Windows update on boot
• Chewy scissors
• This site doesn't support Firefox

You can never get rid of that last dribble of poo

The soap dispenser is always nearly empty, but squirts just enough to be useful if you pump it a bunch.

Coldplay on repeat with a scratched CD burner from a low 96k bitrate MP3.

Right as you get comfortable in bed, you can't remember whether you left something out of the fridge or started the dishwasher.

All your favorite games are there but now require a Microsoft account, and will ask you if you want to log in automatically everytime despite you checking the "don't ask me again" box. They'll also gradually keep asking for more personal information (phone number, second email address, age, address, fingerprint, face) and lock you out of your account everytime you refuse "to protect you".

The blanket is always in the wrong direction.

Your drinking water always tastes a bit off.

Your bank makes mistakes all the time.

Every time you begin to like an item it's mostly sold out.

Your social contacts forget what they said so they start anew often.

The weather forecasts are always way off.

When your glasses get fogged, they get fogged unevenly.

You can never seem to remember where you parked your car and you wander a parking garage for eternity

Your beer always has that weird metallic penny taste.

Every time you eat something, some food getd stuck in your teeth and you can't get it out for hours.

Washing dishes, the cloth is always dirty

Every time you undo your seatbelt, the belf doesn't retract properly and you have to fiddle with it for ages, if you try getting out of the car you just get tangled in it

The bimetallic strip in your rice cooker is always slightly off no matter how much you fiddle with it.

You're always stuck behing a tractor on small roads.

Your text editor randomly uses a whitespace character whenever you press space.

Everything is lighted with slightly old fluorescent tubes.

Obviously pointless deskwork and frequent sync meetings that always include non technical stakeholders.

Everyone sleeps on wonky old futons that haven't been properly maintained.

Food deserts.

Everyone lives in old non sound insulated krushchevkas with loud neighbours.

The landscape is an infinitely repeated template of an excessively concretised city.

Constant warm overcast weather with high humidity and still wind.

Everyone is always slightly sleep deprived.

The water is always slightly too chlorinated and it doesn't evaporate.

Infinite phone tree - Any choice takes you to the next menu tree but 50% chance to take you back to the start. The second menu tree just leads to an infinite array of phone menu trees, each with a 50% chance to go back to the beginning.

Or,

The land moves around at random. Your house (and everyone elses) might be somewhere one day, and in an hours time it's somewhere else. Good luck making a map.

After you sneeze, the need to burp or fart raises greatly. You also don't have control over which one will happen.

Infinite data entry

Heck only has public toilets.

The stall door squeaks really loud.

The gaps between the door and the wall are nearly half an inch.

There's always skid marks in the bowl and the last person didn't flush.

There's piss dribbles on the seat.

The toilet paper dispenser gives out individual sheets by cranking a knob on the side.

The knob is hard to turn, and sticky.

There's a small puddle of piss on the floor between your feet where you drop your dacks.

You are only wearing socks because shoes are illegal in heck.

You have 4 minutes each day to do your poos.

They allocate your poo schedule, not you.

If you go over your allocated time, the floor opens up and you fall into actual hell.

In actual hell, you only get 2 minutes a day on the toilet.

Every device you have will stuck in a boot loop forever.

When cooking, everything is always undercooked, until it's suddenly overcooked.

Tinnitus