would it be simpler for people if we said "server" instead of "instance"?
or maybe some other terminology would be better? lots of people get confused when you ask them to choose an instance, sometimes I think even the word "proxy", "host", or "hub" is simpler
the specific terms aren't my point, just a discussion to see if we can come up with a better name
I'm not so sure about changing the terminology, but if we did, I think it should be a word that implies what the situation is: That the instance they pick isn't a walled garden in itself, but just an access point to the wider connected Lemmyverse. I think that was a common confusion point for most of us when we first heard of Lemmy.
So... "access point"? Or "gateway"? Or for a milder change, going from "instance" to "default instance" might get the point across.