3d ago

How did a simple phone call become so problematic?

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181 comments

For me it's a few reasons:
It demands my attention right here, right now
I don't know that it's going to happen, I cannot prepare
Usually during the call I'm forced to hold the phone, meaning I can't look stuff up or write stuff down easily
I fidn listening way harder than reading, and the quality of calls doesn't help with that
I much prefer text because it give some time to delay answering until it's convenient for me, look up answers to any questions I may have, and because I can re-read and think about stuff.
Calling is like an interrupt forcing me to drop everything there and then and immediately provide an answer, messaging is something I poll every now and then when I'm not overloaded or focused so I can actually take the time to answer.
- Why would a call necessarily need "an answer"?. If my parents call, it's because they want to talk like humans do.
  If someone calls because they need an answer, perhaps you should answer?
  Granted, i've noticed that people call for the most basic things nowadays, just cause they can. That's the real issue, not calls in and of themselves. Its a skill like most other things.
  
  Most people call me to get some information or to push some information to me. Unless they need the answer now I want a text message of some sort, not a call. I'm okay with people like my parents calling at a predetermined moment to catch up. But most people who want to call me want to do so at a moment when a text message would be hugely preferable, so I don't answer unless I get a reason (via text) why the call should happen now. In many cases this leads to the conversation going much more efficiently via text and allows me to actually defer it to when I have time or energy for it.
- You are perfectly allowed to say not right now, let's call tomorrow in the evening.
  Texts are easy to forget and difficult to write.
  
  Texts are easy to forget and difficult to write? Disagree. Texts are easy to remember and can be viewed back at any time. Writing is a bit slower than speaking, but at least it allows you to think about what you're saying. There's definitely a place where speaking is preferable, but then it should be in person or via a laptop video/voice call so the quality is better and I can do other stuff.
  
  In what way are they difficult to write?
  And saying that is going to piss off a lot of folk. Nope. Best I can do is ignore the call and then send a message "can't now, will recall".
  
  They objectively take longer. And honestly, nuance is lost in text. Especially if you rush it and dont use grammar, use abbreviations slang without context.
  Text is good when you need to convey things that take a long time to find. In IT that means, ip-addresses, fqdn, configs etc. But if i need a yes or no answer, i wont be sending an email or even a dm. People have shit to do and they might be waiting for me/the response to get back to their own thing.
  
  What nuance. Thanks to the time I can spend writing a message, I can commit to adding the details in readable format, and this data stays for reference. Whether it's instruction, some info or a question.
  During call, I am scrambling to answer ASAP - like a lot of folk I know, and seemingly a lot of commenters here - so you get partial, jumbled up answer.
  Calls are okay when asking about preference - something you can answer from the get go - if you want some information, use message.
  
  So exactly what i said?
  With nuance, im talking of inflections from speech. Which you can't get from text.
  
  And saying that is going to piss off a lot of folk.
  Who then might not call back at all, so it works out either way!
- Also text leaves a record behind, so if I forget an important detail from the conversation, I just just look it up.
- I feel attacked on a call, i need a breath of air to process and reply to something.
  On a call i feel so forced to reply faster otherwise i can notice people get annoyed. Which often leads to me saying things i didn't want to.
  
  Sounds like you need practice. How do you talk to people when you're not on the phone?
  
  Your body language can indicate you’re formulating a response, which makes people less impatient.
  On a call there’s no body language so if you don’t say anything for a bit people get annoyed.

181 comments