3d ago

Privacy setting

It's Me @lemm.ee

irreticent @lemmy.zip

2d ago

Privacy setting

77 7

108 comments

In the days immediately after my dad's death, I had the house to myself and had retreated to my basement/office space to have a stress-relieving wank. Just outside of my space was my daughter's battery-operated activity table that was known to play jingles at random. What it was not well known for was playing the giggling sound effect at random. So imagine how quickly I put my dick away when that table laughed at me not once, not twice, but three times in the span of a minute.
If that wasn't my dad's ghost making fun of me, I don't know what it was.
- And pasta has been made
  
  I'm not eating that pasta...
  
  Are we witnessing history being made?
- One time I was throwing kid toys into the toybox when suddenly a horse whinny came out of the box. I thought Frau Blücher had showed up.
- maybe you just got really lucky and picked the statistically most optimal time for it to play three giggle sounds back to back, while you were jorkin it.

If Grandma wants to watch me flick the bean, that's a her problem.

- Isn't gambling bad? Why is that in heaven?
  🤔
  
  Gambling is bad because of the consequences of gambling when you have finite resources to lose. I assume that any form of heaven is post-scarcity so betting is done just for recreational purposes.
  
  Man I called that, along with probably a ton of others, from the very first episode. Still, the writers did such a good job with it I was not disappointed that the very obvious twist indeed was the twist.
  Also for some reason, not sure if it's just my app (Sync) but your spoiler tags didn't work right. Idk why you have >!spoiler and not just >! Like if it's my app making it display wrong or that breaks the tag beats me.
  Could also, maybe more likely, be the end tag being --!< That might fuck up the syntax.
- Cat girls are not furries. And I'm willing to die on this hill.
  
  Well there's a spectrum isn't there and everybody puts their marker just slightly ahead of what they like. Unless you go full furry, in which case I guess you don't have any use for the marker
  
  I won't argue with you, but the hill you're gonna die on is named Furry Mountain.
  
  https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/furry-scale
  Checks out
  
  I'll accept that argument as long as they are normal women who wear cat themed accessories and act like a cats. But if we're talking full anime cat human hybrids, then I'm afraid you're in furry town.
  
  i mean, technically by the most barebones definition of the word, they are anthropomorphic, and do technically count as "furry"
  if you're looking for a "harkness" test here, e621 allows humanoid characters, i.e. catgirls, therefore catgirls are in fact, furry.

Fun fact:
The Bible says everyone goes to heaven at the same time. So I guess the souls just chill out until the rapture happens?
- heaven is not a place you go. it's a state of you, your surroundings and the world. we create it not get taken to it. that's the hard part people don't get. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE US, WE WILL NOT BE MAGICALLY TELEPORTED ANYWHERE
  
  As much as this sounds negative, the optimistic nihilist in me sees it as a beautiful liberating realization.
  
  Of course I won't be teleported, I'll just slowly ascend into the sky, where the oxygen thins out, and I eventually freeze solid in the vacuum of space.
- The Bible says everyone goes to heaven at the same time.
  I don’t think that’s clear in the text, and that’s historically been a major point of theological contention. I think the debate in the US 1800s over “soul sleep” and the affiliated quasi-cults that sprung up after the Millerite movement (Seventh Day Adventists, Jehovahs Witnesses) had very strong opinions on whether you go to heaven immediately, stay “asleep” in the ground until God starts resurrecting people, wait in some kind of cosmic waiting room for the resurrections, or if you are just flat out dead until God wakes you up. (Of course, JW’s are so committed to bad exegesis that they’ll die rather than receive a blood infusion, because “don’t eat animal blood” in the ritual purity laws of course means “don’t receive human blood infusions.”)
  Think about Mormon baptism for the dead. Those people aren’t in heaven or hell (because at least the lower kingdoms of heaven aren’t even set up yet - all of us non-Mormons are going to be hanging out on Earth 2.0 when we die). Mormons are experts at genealogy because they’re trying to make sure that every great-great-great-great-grandparent they have gets a chance at salvation.
  
  hard pill to swallow but we get reincarnated over and over again there are no souls in the ground or "cosmic waiting room". we are forced back until we "build heaven on earth"
- Yeah, they hadn't figured out relativity yet back then. The soul departs the body at the speed of light, meaning everyone who does reaches heaven instantly. Since it's so far away, from our perspective, it takes essentially forever thanks to time dilation.
  You can trust me, I have a PhD in bullshit.
- A plain reading suggests that everyone is dead and stays that way until the eschaton when they're resurrected. So the only people in heaven would be the Jewish souls that Jesus directly put there that had been dwelling in the gloomy underground afterlife.
- Yes, that's what purgatory is for, it's basically a waiting room before heaven
  
  Honk!
- I think that's the Dispensationalist view, but I'm not sure how much of that is explicitly supported by Biblical text. Someone could correct me if I'm wrong.
- The lines are going to be terrible.
  
  Another fun fact, there are no Pearly Gates in the Bible.

I have a theory that when people go to church, they go for the intention to change their privacy settings, and the priest just reads out each setting and people do the cross to agree with each setting.
I have gotten no evidence of the contrary so it must be true! /s
- church
  do the cross
  Me, stripping off and getting hard

Never going to gargle balls as good as grandma did it.
- Those were the days bless her soul and her mouth.
  
  Heart and soul - Normal, average, accepted Mouth and soul - New, outlier, shunned

Don't give up now Amanda! He's so close! Stay the course! Keep fighting soldier you're almost there!!! FUCK YEAH!!! Look at him squirt! I saw his butthole pucker! ~Grandma in Heaven
- ain't like she hadn't been there herself back in the day
- Always an audience, always cheering

Nana is so proud of you

Lining the walls with tinfoil is supposed to work.
- Goodbye wifi and cellular coverage.
  
  Is that right?

Maybe gramma's into it?
- Maybe gramma gobbled nut sacks all year round? That stuff could be hereditary.
  
  I just figure no one cares about most people on earth already, if heaven were really why would they care about them then? They have an eternity to plan, what's 60 years of fucking up and winding up dead in a gutter compared to that

Filthy... but genuinely arousing

Holy shit I laughed out loud at this!

I think there's nuance to this.
Any family deceased family member of yours who belongs in heaven is going to give you privacy when you need it
- Or once you see the private lives of every person, all the time, you quickly understand that everyone does weird shit in private and voyeurism just loses its novelty entirely. People fucking or picking their nose will be no more interesting that someone walking down the street.
  
  People fucking or picking their nose will be no more interesting that someone walking down the street.
  Hell it barely is now...
- How do they know when that time is without having first witnessed some ball gobbling?
  Do we just have ancestors popping in for a check and immediately turning away embarrassed all the time?
  Maybe they have to ask permission at the family spying desk and the attendant will just shake their head and say "umm... Nows really not the best time. Gobble gobble if you catch my drift."
  I can't imagine how many embarrassing reunions there would be in heaven, or maybe hell is just filling to the brim lol
  
  maybe its like a studio room, where theres a sign outside the door, that lights up "sex" or something.
  
  It's kinda like a Facebook birthday reminder, for whatever kind of things they would want to see. As long as heaven can design a good algorithm, there's no big issues.
  
  Do we just have ancestors popping in for a check and immediately turning away embarrassed all the time?
  Probably
- Yeah but my grandmother was 104 when she died. She married my grandfather when she was in her twenties and I really don't think she was really all that bothered about him it was just the done thing back then.
  She definitely would take the opportunity to be judgy, while at the same time technically passing the requirements by her own standards to be in heaven.
- people don't have omniscience to just peer through the veil and watch a "family member" or anyone else for that matter

This life is the Pornhub of the afterlife

She's probably flicking the old dried up bean while she watches.
- it's always you with the comments that make me want to reply "i'm calling the police"
  
  From such a wholesome username, too. Half way to the inverse of a RimjobSteve.

She has it all wrong: Grandma and her other ancestors aren't watching from heaven or whatever they're inside her. Passive guests in her body that get to "live on via their children and grandchildren." Literally.
Grandma tasted those balls right along with you, girl! It's like that saying, "if you're cold, they're cold."
- "That's my girl, just like I taught her!"

How's Grandma gonna' get 'er rocks off?

I close my bedroom door. I can't stop them from watching but I can at least warn them. Why would they want to watch anyway. That's weird.

Grandma probably did the same in her youth, and now that she's in heaven, she's reliving whatever she wants, whenever she wants it. At worst, she'd wish she could offer some advice.
- "no, no, you need to go to e621.net!"

Why would Grandma care? Grandma's probably getting her brains fucked out by 13 werewolves while Grandpa's putting together a catgirl harem. Even if that's not your kind of grandma, she's probably very much aware that she should be giving you privacy, lol.
- Where's the other werewolf?
  
  That's Grandpa.

This question is addressed in the book “The Lovely Bones”
- And for us dumbass's, what was the answer?
  
  People in heaven watch whatever they want

All balls, all day! You go grammy gram! Dirty girl!

LOL silly thot, there's no such thing as heaven.
- Heaven is defo the boring place. I want to have all the hung gay twinks all day for all of time, sipping all sorts of liquor and frotting with lucifer. I have a penthouse suite waiting for me, and a great time for all 😎
  
  Sounds like a delusional effort to deny observable reality. There's no afterlife and y'all are wasting your time begging thin air for a better post-life future that'll never come.

you should never be gobbling balls for any reason as that is a silly thing to do.
- ^never had their balls gobbled
  
  In a just world, discouraging ball gobbling and muff diving would be instant ban offenses outside of ace space.

108 comments