4mo ago

Tomorrow is my birthday and I couldn't care less fucks about it... I'm already dreading this year

I'm going to be 35 and nothing changes my life has been a boring slow downward spiral. Sometimes I welcome death to take me but unless it's a heart attack I don't see that happening anytime soon. And I don't feel like ending myself.

Still sexless, loveless with literary no friends and with a temp job that I dislike. I just drift in this world, I guess I could be worse, living under a bridge, but I still live with my mother and uncle, sleeping in a minuscule room shared with my uncle (he's another "loser" like me in his late 40s non married living with his sister, my mom). I'm sure y'all heard this before, life is unfair, and it's true, and I'm sure some other people out there are doing worse than me and are better "fighters" in life. But I'm not them, I'll never be them, it's not in me being that type of person.

Btw I'm not saying this just to get a response from you and I don't need a "happy birthday" reply... If anything that would piss me off more due being insincere, you are not my family and you don't care about me in the slightest (and rightfully so). But I just needed to say this to ease my pain.

Now maybe you can understand why I welcome the reaper, maybe you can tell me if you're in a similar situation.

25 comments

Silliest thing I've read all day that you can't say happy birthday to a stranger and mean it sincerely. Preposterous.
Whatever though, I'll respect your wishes, and won't say it. BUT I STILL SINCERELY HOPE TODAY IS THE TINIEST BIT LESS SHIT THAN USUAL FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON WHATSOEVER.
Also, you don't own me, I can care about whomever I fucking want, and that includes you, asshat.
- Just think about it: if a random co worker or something finds out that it's your birthday and tells you "happy birthday"... Do you really think he gives a single fuck about you? For real? Does he genuinely cares? Same scenario here, I'm a ghost, a nobody to y'all. So I'm sorry, I cannot believe you.
  
  Caring isn’t binary, it’s a spectrum. I appreciate anyone who takes time to wish me on my birthday, regardless of how much they care about other aspects of me.
  
  You know, my coworkers do care, and I care about them as well. I think you are trying way too hard to stay in this self deprecating state you are in. If someone tells you happy birthday why do you care if they truly mean it? They meant something or they wouldn't have even said a word. Just like all the people who have replied here. If they/I truly didn't give a single fuck we wouldn't have even clicked the reply button. Maybe try working on yourself and things might turn around, unless you don't really want that and are fine with the situation you are attempting to complain about.

Nothing changes because you don’t want to change.
Every time anyone offers you advice you dismiss it out of hand then post again about how terrible your life is.
Still, happy birthday, I guess.
- Every one of OPs issues are completely within their control to change, but they don't want to hear that. They want their pity party and want us to feel sorry for them. There are plenty of societal things that hold people down, but none of them puts you into this state of mind. This is a state of mind, and an unwillingness to realize that they are depressed and that they need help.

That sucks man, and I can relate with a lot of that. I got no real advice for you except that it's your life and yours to live.
Having said that, I got a sense that your biggest problem is your attidute to the world around you. Putting sex first, calling your uncle and yourself "losers", and generally expecting strangers to not care about you in the slightest are all signs of an unhealthy and antisocial personality.
I think love is something that finds you, friends are everywhere if look for them, and while finding a job you like is almost impossible, there is definitely a lot of stuff that you enjoy doing.
But what do I know, I'm your age, sharing similar, if not same problems to which I don't know the answers to. But I don't share your attitude.
You still got a home, a family, a job, phone and internet, working plumbing, food on your table, your health and a society that cares for you, even if you don't see it. You literally live better than billions today and 99% of people before you. You are not unhappy because of your life, but because of your perspective. Change it.
Also happy birthday dude.

🎉🎉🎉🎉HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

These comments are pretty all over the place. Still, you remind me of a friend of mine from an MMO so I'll just say, yeah, it sucks. I recommend online communites, since you sound lonely.
Play video games or something. At least when you're a "loser" you've got the asset of free time before you die. That and according to another comment, you're sober which is a good thing. There really isn't a meaning to life, nobody is keeping score, and you really can just do what you want to do.

- Worst day of your life, so far.

Do drugs. If it's nothing or suicide then at least give drugs a chance. You can create your own happiness and motivation with drugs. Start with low dose adderall. Raise the dose and add weed and video games to it. Then try loratabs/percocets. Then try learning something new. Scroll thru Udemy for ideas of shit to learn. Then learn/take a course... wait for it... ON DRUGS! Getting a high off small accomplishments that were accomplished by being high is a great feeling. Disclaimer tho: you'll prolly start smoking cigs but they'll cure cig cancer before you'll get it if you are just starting now.
- That shit isn't available here and the process of visiting a doctor is awful here. Plus I've never done drugs, I think. I wanna keep that clean. Not for any type of moral compass but because fuck it. I don't even smoke.
  
  I don't recommend trying anything you could get addicted to, I think that's a good call. But psychedelics are non addictive and they're starting to be used to treat depression etc. If you're serious about not wanting to be alive, I think its not a bad idea to try that first.

I relate to a lot of what you're writing - almost all of it in fact. Though my birthday is in the middle of the summer so my "feeling like shit due to being reminded of the passage of time" is evenly spaced throughout the year. In a way it would be nice to get them both out of the way around new year's like this.
I don't have any helpful words. I'm also just drifting between distractions as I wait for either the courage to end it or death to find me of its own accord. And I relate to the guilt of knowing I have it "easy" really, and can't manage even given this favourable hand. I'm not going to say that it gets better, because I've never experienced that. All you can do is try to find solace in the fact that none of it matters, we're all insignificant and ultimately fated to be dust, dispersed and forgotten. So the rat race doesn't matter, and whether you make it within its confines or fail doesn't matter. There is some hope to be had in that thought, though I often fail to hold on to it myself.
Also, it might be cheesy but who cares. Sometimes when I feel like shit this song makes me feel a little better. It is somewhat comforting to know that you're not alone, and I hope I managed to convey at least that.
- A real response. Thanks
  
  All the responses are real.
  You just choose to dismiss any that suggest you do something, anything, to change your life for the better. Just like you do post after post.
  At least you could be honest about it and start your posts with “I’m not looking for advice or help because I will ignore it. I just want to wallow in self pity.”

I can definitely relate to a lot of that. I'm in a similar position in some of those areas, but one thing I can say for sure is that people don't need to be family or even acquaintances to care about each other.
Just knowing you're out there and in pain is enough for me to hope things improve for you. I may not know you, but that doesn't mean I don't care about someones suffering coming to an end.
I definitely understand the not wanting to live bit as well. I'm only still here because I'm lucky enough to have a family that would be upset if I did anything to myself so I'm just waiting until my older family members pass on. Hopefully you find something that makes that desire go away as well. I can't say it helps me in the moment, but it is true regardless that none of us can see the future so you never know what might happen to change things down the line.

Why do you hate yourself so much?

Believe me, if there was something I could do to help, I'd do double that effort. I'd go so far as to say if I encountered you on my streets, I'd introduce you to a few good people.

Move out.
Get a dog or a cat or some sort of pet that you can cuddle and that depends on you.
Get therapy.
Do at least 2 of the 3 and your next birthday will be better. I promise.
- That first one is already impossible. Family has a dog already and I don't like it and no again impossible
  
  There's likely a bunch of mental health options ranging in price. Where I live there are free online or video sessions.
  Have you tried googling for mental health supports in your area? There are lots of organizations, government programs etc you just have to look for them.
  Heck, if you give me a city I'll see what I can find for you.

25 comments