Time to make your decesion

Absolutely Wallace. He looks like he prefers to work in dead silence - thumbs up.

The answer is Wallace. Every old dude with a desk near me has been a solid guy who shuts the fuck up and always makes coffee before I get in.

Shiloh, i like Radiohead

Wallace. In a heartbeat. Cause if someday he doesn’t have one, I’ve got my own office!

Wallace.

Dude just wants to shut up and work, make it to retirement. You could probably engage him about his grandkids or his fishing trip if you wanted.

All the rest of them are gonna want to bother you with their problems or hobbies.

"Natural deodorant" is usually just a block of an aluminum salt crystal, which'll work just fine since that's the kind of stuff in "industrial" deodorants too. Stains more and dries out your skin though since you usually end up with way more of the stuff in your pits, which is sorta ironic I guess.

So I think I'd go with Shiloh or Dayzie?

Shiloh all the way.

I'll go with Lewis. Him and I can do a great duet with our farting generator.

Hannah, because in a few months she won't be just engaged so she will turn less annoying.

Also Wallace. I generally don't mind old people. Maybe I'm getting old myself but stay off my lawn!

Shiloh. Radiohead isn’t terrible, and they’d probably be open to other interesting music, and so may make for better conversation than Crossfit Bro or Engaged Lady.

I've had Hannah, Caleb, Wallace and Susan.

• Hannah is annoying at first, but it will blow over.

• Caleb will talk about sports and that will be all he talks about. You can tune him out, but he will learn to hate you, because you don't value his feats of manliness.

• Wallace is ok at first, but becomes really tiresome. His worldview is from 1920s, blatantly racist and doesn't realize it, judges you constantly according to some stereotype that is based on some guy he knew 100 years ago and gives you occasional corrective sermons that make no sense, because they are for that guy he once knew.

• Susan appears to be ok, but is a psycho. Will try to manipulate you and delegate stuff to you, even though doesn't even work in for the same department. Everything is a thing that will be decisive to your career and soon marks you down as a looser, because you don't listen to her. Will leave the company, because everyone is a looser.

Edit: so anyone in the top four. Office already stinks and on music is allowed.

Hannah: Get her to invite me to the wedding, meet her friends and all the social circle. Very helpful to grind that social experience

Caleb: dude is probably shredded and knows not only how to eat healthy, but, by comparison, will force you to eat healthy as well. Probably can help with grinding the social experience as well

Wallace: if you get him to open up and share his work experience, this could be the teaching of a lifetime. Also helps to grind the social experience as he probably has young nephews, and family gatherings to invite you

These 3 are my best choices

Lewis. I fart a lot too and have very little to no sense of smell. Open up the window and we'll fart together all day.

Wallace

Shiloh i dont mind listen to radio

Radio head it is then

I'd be fine with several of these.

Brice: I've never understood people's distaste for that smell. I won't microwave tuna in an office because I know others don't like it, but it wouldn't bother me.

Wallace: probably has some great stories, but also likely wants to shut up and get things done. Great combination if handled correctly.

Shiloh: hey, you can play anything on your headphones, I'm cool with that. But if you want to play stuff on speaker it's only fair that we play 50/50. (My secret: I could totally do up to 75% Radiohead)

Dayzie: again, not a smell that tends to bother me.

Aww, probably Hannah. As much as I would want to be surly or jealous of someone else finding their person, I could use some positivity in my life.

Wallace. Bet he's seen some shit.

Wallace.

Wallace or Susan. Almost every place I’ve been HR is the freakiest of the groups and generally doesn’t care. (And yes that’s annecdotal and I’m sure there will be others who say they’re the worst)

Who gets an office anymore. I though it was all hotdesking bullshit

Because judging people on prejudice is what we like doing. It's innate, but also a bit harmful towards those that don't fit the mold.

Also a lot of love for Wallace. That may also be why we favor older people in elections. I don't think that's a good thing.

I know it's a shit post, but I felt like doing a Debby downer in here. Disregard if it spoils your fun.

Susan. Make friends with HR. Get your folder marked, "promote ahead of peers".

I know this is a joke but most of these seem fine to me

All of the above. Let's party!

Whichever isn't a fucking bigot.

Anyone but Brice, tbh.

• Idk what’s supposed to be bad about getting engaged
• Everyone farts
• I like Radiohead
• Natural deodorant works fine for a lot of people
• Most people I’ve known who do crossfit have been very aware that talking about it is a meme
• Dudes who are super old and still working tend to be fun
• HR folks have a lot ot useful info for getting the most out of your employment

Edit: I will decline Wallace, too, actually. As fun as he might be, at 100 there’s a pretty good chance he’ll die on the job and I don’t wanna deal with that.

I used to sit next to someone like Hannah in an open plan office. She was lovely. Really happy and excited for her future.

Dayzie

Shiloh looks like she'd be the most fun to hang with.

Dayzie

Lewis for sure we can have competitions

I'm not sure id have a problem with any of these honestly.

Caleb, easy choice. Like do you know how great CrossFit is for you? Dude you don't even need equipment! Just start...

I’d share an office with Brice only so I could steal his lunch every day, open it, and dump it into a sealed trash can.

Kinda wanna have Susan in your corner, tbf.

Dayzie or Wallace. They both seem pretty easy.

Dayzie obviously

I get to work in an actual office (*_*) with walls?
Also... Wallace.

Wallace is my boy! We ride or die together!

I can't fucking stand the zeal today's youth has for life.

Uno reverse challenge: It's your job to allocate two of these people to the same office, and if one of them quits, gets fired, or dies you get that office to yourself. Which two do you pair up for the fastest vacancy and why?

Tough crowd. I would go with the farter. Everyone farts.

sdklf;gjkl;dsgjkl;dsgjkl;dsgsjkl;g

I eat an insanely high protein diet and I crossfit regularly... "I'm not locked in here with you, You're locked in here with me!"

Lewis or Wallace. or both, so I can have fun hearing them fight

what's wrong with microwaving tuna?

You shouldn't steal memes from the meme museum

definitely not susan

Jacksepticeye

How does no one want to work with Brice? That seems manageable

I wear all-natural deodorant too. It's microwaved-tuna flavoured.

Ah the scenarios we are forced to imagine with back to office mandates. I'll go with Dayzie because we have similar ideologies about deodorant and I can't wait for someone to complain to Susan so I can be oppositionally defiant.

Definitely Wallace

Can I work from home instead?

When Wallace croaks ya got your own office

Hannah’s happiness and optimism would probably be good for me but could also backfire hard

What is all natural body deodorant? Also, anybody but Susan.

I still get a kick that they lifted the picture of Common Man for "Brice": https://www.971thefan.com/show/common-man-and-t-bone/

Wallace, clearly. Also Shiloh likes Gary Numan based on the jumper, and you can't like it without listening to it.

Wallace or Shiloh.

Wait I get an office? Fuck man I don't mind sharing with any one of these people. It beats the hell outta being in a cubicle row surrounded by all of them, which has been my experience so far.

Anyone but Susan.

I would get Shiloh but I bet he talks in math and buzzes like a fridge

I want to pick both Hannah and Shiloh and see how the situation develops from there.

The subtle just under the surface love-hate passive-aggressive interplay between Dayzie and Brice (if you're lucky, culminating in some kind of passionate-beyond-their-control office affair between them) would make that pair the most interesting to have as colleagues in the long run, IMHO.

I'll take Hannah, Shiloh, Caleb or Wallace, and some noise canceling headphones.

Shiloh because I fuck with anyone down with Gary Numan.

Bryce, don't mind me the smell o tuna.

Wallace, if he isn't a dick about weed smell.

Known farter because I can assert dominance

Je suis Lewis

Susan and Wallace >>>>>

Jokes on you, I smell like a vagrant

Lewis's real name is Sean McLoughlin, and I would not mind sharing that office.

Time to quit.

Either Dayzie or Brice. Cannot smell, so neither of them would be bad, but the sounds Lewis might make would be distracting and outright disgusting on their own.

Dayzie or Lewis, everyone smells, who cares

I could do in a four person office with Shiloh, Dayze, and Wallace.

Meh Dayzie or Caleb, I don't use deodorant and I do a bunch of exercise. Exercise then shower, and I have a smell, but it doesn't smell bad. Most people just smell like people unless they aren't taking care of themselves.

Wallace

Susan.

Since I worked in HR, I'm good with that.

shiloh seems fine, walice is probably sound.

100% Hannah, this isn't even a hard choice.

sighs Shiloh... 😮‍💨

Yeah this is an easy Shiloh angle for me. I’m down for some Radiohead every now and then, and when I’m not, that’s what noise cancelling headphones are for.

What is Hannah's negative trait?

Disturbing lack of DEI on this meme

The only unacceptable one is dayzie. It's basic hygiene. Can't Imagine she even washes her hands after using the bathroom, because "it's all natural"

If the worst part of Dayzie is possibly smelling bad, then I'll take her. I work with someone now who is Indian. Great guy, but I try not to get close... being a cube or 2 away, I barely smell it, so this seems like the best option. Plus, she looks cute. Sorry if that's offensive to say or inappropriate these days, but oh well.