Explain this, humankind

I feel I've seen this exact joke in an SMBC or something several years ago
- You're right!
  
  Even more similar than I remembered!
- The joke has been around a while, so they probably have made the same joke.
  
  That joke's been around since 1750 BC
  Tell Ea-nasir: Nanni sends the following message:
  When Jesus came, Jesus said to you as follows : "I will return when the time is right." Jesus left then but has not yet returned to you as promised. Now you look to my messenger (Sit-Sin) and ask: "Why, then, has Jesus not returned?"
  What do you take me for, that Jesus would not return to me after visiting? Would you treat somebody like Jesus with such contempt? I have sent as messengers gentlemen like ourselves to invite Jesus to return several times, and that through enemy territory. Is there anyone among the merchants who trade with Telmun to whom Jesus has not returned?
  You alone ask why this is so! Take cognizance that (from now on) Jesus shall exercise against you the right of rejection if you have treated him with contempt. How did you treat Jesus when he visited?
  Translated from the original Akkadian: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/complaint-tablet-to-ea-nasir (er... this is a joke btw)

Jesus ain't coming back until people stop wearing crosses around their neck, scaring him away.
- Jesus is a vampire?
  
  I think they mean because Jesus was supposedly murdered on a cross, and then his followers wear said cross as a symbol of their love for him or some shit - which is honestly kind of weird.
  
  Zombie. Undead, eats flesh and blood, isn't allergic to sunlight, infection spreads through contact. Zombie.

we enshrined his torture and put it literally everywhere. you think that might have anything to do with it?
- Well people said if he comes back he's going to slaughter all of us, maybe making him afraid to come back is the point? Haha
  
  Only those who don't like Him
- It's not like all humankind suffers and he is a relatable representation of our own suffering. Kind of like Iron Man or other heroes.
  
  Look, if they did that to Jesus they will do the same or worse to you without batting an eye.
  
  Well, Iron Man was crucified for our sins.
  As was James T. Kirk.
- We tortured Him first
  
  I mean, he got better so it's nbd right?
- "you think if JFK comes back he wants to see sniper rifles everywhere?"

TBF, his (hypothetical) dad planned the whole thing.
- Yes, but only because he knew our nature, and still wanted to love and forgive us, despite being quite unforgivable.
  
  Sure. That fucker wants to forgive us and he gets a pass. I want to love and forgive everyone and I wind up with a life sentence for murdering my son.
  
  You’ve got a strange definition of love. That sounds like manipulation to me.
- Is god also jesus and the holy spirit all at once?
  
  Ah, yes, the holy Trinity.
  The only thing that made less sense than a virgin birth or resurrection.
  It still doesn't make sense. Like from a narrative view either. It doesn't help the story, or the belief it's just a useless... Thing?
  
  He is whatever you want them to be.
  
  That's all retconning.
  Dude showed up with a message for peace, was murdered and his murder is celebrated. Literally, a bunch of people running around pretending that's what he wanted. The propaganda is so strong that everyone just accepts it as fact.
  It's really not much different than claiming a women wanted to be sexually assaulted because of what she was wearing.
  
  Yes.
  Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith. Which faith unless every one do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlastingly. And the catholic faith is this: that we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity; neither confounding the Persons, nor dividing the Essence. For there is one Person of the Father; another of the Son; and another of the Holy Ghost. But the Godhead of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, is all one; the Glory equal, the Majesty coeternal. Such as the Father is; such is the Son; and such is the Holy Ghost. The Father uncreated; the Son uncreated; and the Holy Ghost uncreated. The Father infinite; the Son infinite; and the Holy Ghost infinite. The Father eternal; the Son eternal; and the Holy Ghost eternal. And yet they are not three eternals; but one eternal. As also there are not three uncreated; nor three infinites, but one uncreated; and one infinite. So likewise the Father is Almighty; the Son Almighty; and the Holy Ghost Almighty. And yet they are not three Almighties; but one Almighty. So the Father is God; the Son is God; and the Holy Ghost is God. And yet they are not three Gods; but one God. So likewise the Father is Lord; the Son Lord; and the Holy Ghost Lord. And yet not three Lords; but one Lord. For like as we are compelled by the Christian verity; to acknowledge every Person by himself to be God and Lord; So are we forbidden by the catholic religion; to say, There are three Gods, or three Lords. The Father is made of none; neither created, nor begotten. The Son is of the Father alone; not made, nor created; but begotten. The Holy Ghost is of the Father and of the Son; neither made, nor created, nor begotten; but proceeding. So there is one Father, not three Fathers; one Son, not three Sons; one Holy Ghost, not three Holy Ghosts. And in this Trinity none is before, or after another; none is greater, or less than another. But the whole three Persons are coeternal, and coequal. So that in all things, as aforesaid; the Unity in Trinity, and the Trinity in Unity, is to be worshipped. He therefore that will be saved, let him thus think of the Trinity. Furthermore, it is necessary to everlasting salvation; that he also believe faithfully the Incarnation of our Lord Jesus Christ. For the right Faith is, that we believe and confess; that our Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, is God and Man; God, of the Substance [Essence] of the Father; begotten before the worlds; and Man, of the Substance [Essence] of his mother, born in the world. Perfect God; and perfect Man, of a reasonable soul and human flesh subsisting. Equal to the Father, as touching his Godhead; and inferior to the Father as touching his Manhood. Who although he is God and Man; yet he is not two, but one Christ. One; not by conversion of the Godhead into flesh; but by assumption of the Manhood into God. One altogether; not by confusion of Substance [Essence]; but by unity of Person. For as the reasonable soul and flesh is one man; so God and Man is one Christ; Who suffered for our salvation; descended into hell; rose again the third day from the dead. He ascended into heaven, he sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty, from whence he will come to judge the living and the dead. At whose coming all men will rise again with their bodies; And shall give account for their own works. And they that have done good shall go into life everlasting; and they that have done evil, into everlasting fire. This is the catholic faith; which except a man believe truly and firmly, he cannot be saved.

A press conference with aliens? I don't think so. They'll be killed and get a very detailed autopsy as soon as they put their feet on the ground
- Then I hope they have no feet! 🤪
- Unless we were threatened with overwhelming power.

There's a sci-fi book series called Hyperion where one of the main fucuses of the far-future theocratic government is to search for signs and symbolism of Jesus on other planets. Since if you find an alien species worshipping Jesus or using cross symbolism, you've all but proven that God exists.
- You will prove that one god exists?
  Or even less, you will prove that someone with god-like powers exists?
  Or even less, you will prove tat we live in a simulation written by some christian sect.
  
  If all successful civilizations believe in something isomorphic to the Pythagorean theorem, then this is evidence that it’s real.
  God works the same way.
  
  Well, Jesus claimed to be God and the only God at that
- Will be reading this if you think it’s worth it.
  I’m a huge fan of classic sci-fi (Asimov, Heinlein). How does it hold up?
  And before someone eats me alive about Heinlein, I’ve heard it all. Been a fan since I was a kid and the ideological side of it doesn’t matter to me as much as the stories these days. I’m an atheist because of authors like him. I wouldn’t take it back for anything.
  
  If you like old school scifi you'll probably like it. It's a grand opera. Prolog to the first book is online here:
  https://read.amazon.com/sample/B004G60EHS?f=1&l=en_US&r=eec1d4a1&rid=348SM72J0X8RWTFKS1BG&sid=136-6887572-5455735&cid=ANAROXL46XMJT&ref_=litb_m
  
  It's like The Canterbury Tales in space. It's four books, but the first one stands on its own.
  
  The first book is phenomenal. The others are good, but not necessarily "must read"
  
  Strange to me to our Asimov and Heinlein in the same genre. That’s like when I start Spotify Radio from Cheryl Crow and get Metallica and Green Day because Spotify thinks I’m looking for “90s music”
- Or aliens copied 3rd century Rome.

Yeah, but wait until you hear what these green guys did to Santa.
- HO HO HO
  
  Actually, he only cums once a year.

We killed God. And we'd do it again if given the chance.
- Oh, I know a good chunk of this country seeing a brown skinned guy helping out the poor and being all woke and shit, would put him right back up on that cross.
- God creates earth. God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys god. Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth.
  
  Life, uh, finds a way.

It’s so interesting to see reactions of horror triggered by a mention of kindness suddenly putting one’s own actions into perspective.

More like "what didn't we do?"
Am I right?
- Like 90% of what he told us to do, for starters.
  
  That 10% is doing a lot of work here
  
  Jesus: "Love one another."
  Everyone else: "We're gonna kill that son of a bitch."

Explanation: humans suck

It's the fedi here, why only link their bluesky when they have a Mastodon and a website?
- Because that's where I got it from, that's where I linked the source to
  
  understandable, have a good day

If Jesus were to show up on an alien planet would He be incarnate as an alien
- Yes.
  The question is, would he be alien to us or them.
  
  Might also depend - were these aliens created also in God's image? Do they have original sin?