Texas Prevents People From Owning More Than 6 Dildos. Now Lawmakers Want to Ban Sex Toys at Walmart.

Always love how republicans and conservatives are constantly so preoccupied with sex, sex, sex all the time and in ever more imaginative and obscure ways.
I now associate their religious beliefs to sex, Jesus, sex, guns, sex, the American flag and sex.
- Did you say “Jesus sex”?
  
  Is this the second cumming?
  
  Jesus is coming…. grab a towel.
- Not healthy sex - fucked up power-games sex.
  
  ... so S&M and BDSM? .. the power of the Lord, with a ball strap to your mouth.
- Genital Obsessed Party
- “The government needs to stay out of people’s lives! Unless it’s the private activities of people I find icky, then they should control the hell out of them!”
  
  Modern conservative mentality ... "Everyone should suffer and be sacrificed for my benefit, in this life and the next!"
  .... actually, it's always been like that,

"So, what are you in for?"
"Seventh dildo."
- This was one of the laws broken in Half As Interesting’s “Crime Spree,” which became the pilot of their series “Jet Lag: The Game.”
  If you have Nebula, it’s worth a watch.
- Finally found a quest I'm absolutely sure my D&D group has NEVER played before.

Enterprising Texan pervert invents a dual-function gun-dildo that is constitutionally exempt from sex toy laws.
- Pump action shotgun dildo
  
  I have seen some interesting sawzalls online...
- A gun made entirely out of weed. Why hasn’t this been done before!
  
  Cheech and Chong were on the right track with their weed van.

How’s fixing that power grid going, Texas?
- So surprisingly a couple things have actually happened. Renewables are still showing explosive growth, it helped stave off as many rolling blackouts this summer. Also, they finally agreed to tie into the national grid.
  Now, did they actually winterize and help prevent what happened a few years ago? Who knows, we haven't been told shit so probably not.
  
  Well, credit where it’s due I suppose.
  Perhaps that explains why legislators keep finding time to meddle in people’s pants.
  
  I was completed floored about the tying into the national grid part. I never thought I’d see that in my life.
- They can do two things at once.
  They're not, but they could.
  
  It's Texas Republicans we're talking about here. I'm not at all convinced that they can.
- We did fuck all and ERCOT is optimistic about the winter for some reason.
  
  Global avg temp has increased, so better odds of it not freezing...

"Compromises the innocence of children"???
Unless you are incredibly liberal parents, children don't even know what the fuck those are until they're old enough to recognize it as anything more than just a "tube". By the time they grasp the idea that it's something sexual, they're old enough to handle that knowledge.
"smaller government" apparently just means few dildos for the inspector to have to count.
- Republicans have long wanted a government small enough to fit inside a vagina.

If they can outlaw a specific store from selling something, they can outlaw any store from selling anything. This isn't just about sex toys, it's a test to see what they can get away with.
- Tbf, the bill targets "retail stores," not specifically Walmart.
  
  The point stands. There is no TBF here.
- I wouldn't give them that much credit - sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and this dildo wants to ban dildoes. Because "chirren".

Exqueeze me? The fuck? Is that real?
Edit: yes. Although it’s mired in legislative gobbledygook:
Sec. 43.23. OBSCENITY. (a) A person commits an offense if, knowing its content and character, he wholesale promotes or possesses with intent to wholesale promote any obscene material or obscene device.
(b) Except as provided by Subsection (h), an offense under Subsection (a) is a state jail felony.
(c) A person commits an offense if, knowing its content and character, he:
(1) promotes or possesses with intent to promote any obscene material or obscene device; or
(2) produces, presents, or directs an obscene performance or participates in a portion thereof that is obscene or that contributes to its obscenity.
(d) Except as provided by Subsection (h), an offense under Subsection (c) is a Class A misdemeanor.
(e) A person who promotes or wholesale promotes obscene material or an obscene device or possesses the same with intent to promote or wholesale promote it in the course of his business is presumed to do so with knowledge of its content and character.
(f) A person who possesses six or more obscene devices or identical or similar obscene articles is presumed to possess them with intent to promote the same.
So, women seem to be exempt (“he possesses with intent”) and it is a “performance”. Whatever that means. And it’s a misdemeanor.
But it’s real. Can have six dildos in a performance, but more than six? Oooh that’s a paddlin’.
- The documentary, Dildo Diaries, explores the topic in great, and sometimes hilarious detail. I happened to see this film around 2003, at a small art cinema, with Laura Barton and Judy Wilder present. So afterwards we had a Q&A. At that time one could sell/posses a 'representative model' for demonstrating how to put on a condom, but it was illegal if it also vibrated. And one could sell/ possess a non-anatomically correct 'dildo', which could legally vibrate. But one could not sell / purchase both from the same store. There were/ are literally stores that have an interior door dividing the two types. Also, if I recall correctly, there were limits on how many one could have, and categories including 'collectors' for those that had more than 6, I think.
  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0332604/plotsummary/?ref_=tt_ov_pl
- Well, I find this law to be obscene, so I guess it's illegal.
- One mans obscenity is another man’s pleasure. I would normally say the Supreme Court will strike this down quickly, but you know where we are
- That gives me a hell of an idea for a stage act up here in NYC
- That law looks like it's written so that they could arrest me for having 6 books they didn't like. Obscene could mean anything here. It just screams "selective punishment".
  
  It is defined earlier in the law but it was too long and boring to paste in. It still boils down to "obscene" items, which - yeah.
- Typically in legalese like this, “he” isn’t denoting only people who use that pronoun, it’s understood to apply to all people.
  The law as you posted seems to be equating owning more than six “obscene devices” with an intent to sell them, or use them as part of a business, whether that actually is the intent or not. It also notes that have multiple “devices” that are the same or similar is also an offense (so having two identical or even similar sex toys even if you have fewer than six total would also be a misdemeanor).
  But you can claim they are for medical or psychiatric purpose and have as many as you need:
  (g) It is an affirmative defense to prosecution under this section that the person who possesses or promotes material or a device proscribed by this section does so for a bona fide medical, psychiatric, judicial, legislative, or law enforcement purpose
  
  Typically in legalese like this, “he” isn’t denoting only people who use that pronoun, it’s understood to apply to all people.
  Yeah but it's an interesting defense. There are laws that only apply to women, aren't there? And they dont' use "he". You'd lose, but it'd be an interesting case.
  And the definitions section was too long to paste in, but you can get there from the link in the article.
- you can legally own more guns than sex toys in the Lone Star State
- I mean, unless it's defined elsewhere, it's leaving an awful lot of space to interpret "obscenity"...
  
  It is defined earlier in the statute. You can get to it through the link in the article, it goes right there.

The Texas House has at least 87 dildos. Someone should report them.

In Texas, owning more dildos than guns is a crime. Probably.
- They probably have some that are dual purpose.

I don't agree, but I've also literally never seen a sex toy for sale in Walmart. Like, is that a thing?
- look near the condoms. You'll find some really basic and boring ones.
  
  Last time I looked (years ago, admittedly) you’d also have to know what you were looking for to find it. Like a plain box with no pictures that just says “personal massager”. You can find racier stuff in a Spencer’s.

You know, studies show that keeping a dildo inside the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own 10 guns, in case some maniac tries to sneak in a dildo.

One for each day of the week except God's day, as He said "on the seventh day you must [give it a] rest"

Normalize mailing Texas lawmakers 7 dildos.
- Nooo. That's what they want you to do.
  
  It's been their whole plan all along!
  
  Do they want used ones?

Of course it's possible to own more than 6 assault rifles, right?
- Only if you compromise and get the assault rifles without dildo attachments. Unacceptable to me, that's why I don't live in Texas.
- Not if you get the wrong type of pleasure out of those rifles I guess.....
  
  Suzie no! Don't put the rife there!

Uhm, you can buy dildos at Walmart?
Why has nobody told me before now?
- Support small businesses, don't get your dildos from Walmart
- You must not buy feminine products or condoms/lube at Walmart then lol.
- Yes you can! Except they're usually locked in a display case and you have to go and get someone to help you get one
  
  I always like to ask if they have anything bigger in the back.

Does Texas employ door-to-door dildo inspectors?
Is there a state office of dildo regulations, wieghts, and measures?

Imagine being so unable to pleasure women that you're jealous and petty against your wife's dildo collection.

Small government, uh?
- They’re protecting the children’s innocence!

Ladies and gentlemen, as is tradition when this utter foolishness is discussed, may I present: Texas Annie, performed by The Wet Spots
Well, Texas Annie had a big fat fanny, and she drove a black sedan She had Ben Wa Balls in her overalls and a trunk full of contraband And when the fog was thick, she'd pack her dicks, and sneak across the county line 'Cause in Texas, any tool for masturbation is a crime
Hard-livin' and promiscuous, she kinda liked the risk She was a liquor-drinkin' dildo-runnin' rascal With an electronic phallus for each housewife up in Dallas An' a probe for every asshole in El Paso
Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear? And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable For a prison term of twenty-seven years
- If you put two spaces at the end of each line you want a line break after, it'll make a new line in the output.
- That was great! Thanks, I've never heard that before
  
  Here's another by someone completely different that fits the theme too!

Party of limited government and personal liberty.

Can they rent Ted Cruz instead? He's a dildo.
- Ted Cruz is the seventh dildo

It's just like enforcing in-home nudity when the blinds are shut, how are they gonna enforce this?

The very people that come up with these pearl clutch laws are the same people who also want to legalize marrying 12 year olds. But won't anyone think of the children, PLEASE!
- And scream about "parents rights"

What are they going to do next? Make registry of dildos? Have a dildo buyback program? Regulate the length and girth?
- Home inspections would trigger lots of backlash. This will just regulate physical stores because the lawmakers are boomers. Also you can't have a massively-multi-dildo display at home if you expect snitches to come over.
  Maybe they'll use this as an excuse to monitor people's online activity and/or mail. What if you're buying dildos? Also lathes and 3D printers might become popular among sex shops for on-demand production. Invest!
- Certainly color..
- Everything's s dildo if you are brave enough.

Does my double-ended dildo count as one or two? Does size matter? Does a tarzan with bunny ears count as one or two? Does my hand count? How about a cucumber?
So many questions.
- At this rate they'll need to define and standardize what constitutes a dildo so they can ban the right things. At what length is a dildo dangerously concealable? Do fully vibromatic dildos need to be more strictly controlled? Is a cucumber a dildo, or an AOP (Any Other Phallus)? Should doctor's offices hold dildo buybacks?
  
  I will personally develop a toy that juuuuuust skirts the edges of their definitions called a dildon't. I see a glorious market in my future.
- who cares, ill send people more double ended dildos to fight against the law!

I'm going to Texas and buying 50 dildos because fuck you that's why (also I will be selling the dildos at a slight discount afterwards)
- You know that State is infamous for capital punishment of innocent people, right? You may want to rethink your tactics
  
  Sometimes they just let their people freeze to death and then blame obama
  
  i sacrifice myself for the greater good of orgasms.

So this means that Texas dildo inspector will be a job in the future. Just wow

texas once again proving they are one of the greatest concentrations of cowards.

I'm interested in seeing a judicial decision on whether a double ended dildo counts as one dildo or two dildos.
If you create a religion with a dildo being recognized by your dogma as official iconography, could you unlock "unlimited dildos" based upon religious freedom exceptions?
- Bonus points if the religion is a sect of christanity.

It's to allow one for each day of the week except for Sunday, as Sunday is The Lord's Day.
- The real freaks are the ones that use the Thursday dildo on Tuesday. Once you’re that far gone there’s no coming back.

So they just rent the ones over 6?
- Nah, just adapt the little free library idea. Little neighborhood kiosks where people can share their dildos freely.
- Scofflaw Texans will will order them in their neighbors' names and sneak them out of the mailbox when they arrive. Sounds like the perfect King of the Hill episode.

what is not fair is that all texans have at least one dildo as long as elon resides there.

What if they're dildo shaped guns? Would Texas ever dare to ban those?

Me, who lived in Texas for 22 years.
- I can't remember the details, but they basically stopped enforcing this in 2003. Now texas has giant dildo stores, just like the rest of civilization.

Does this mean that independent sex shops will thrive in texas? It could be a good thing for small business.

These people CAN'T BE SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will there be an official Office of Dildo Inspections? With Dildo Inspectors making rounds, carefully checking every household for staying within their allotted number of items? Will the billboards aside the vast highways advertise the government hotline for anonymous reporting of infractions?
And if not, well, they're clearly cowards. If you're going to pass a law like that, you have to go all the way!
Seriously though, I sometimes wonder how this period of time will be described in history books 50 years from now.
- A Texas jobs program! You too can have a bright future as a state dildo inspector!

Walmart has sex toys?
I have never seen one in walmart in my entire life.

If they would prevent people and companies to own more than six houses or flazs, that would make way more sense.

What a waste of money and resources

The reason it is limited to six is because "And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done." Genesis 2:2

It's always en vogue to report on every batshit-crazy bill filed by Republicans in the Texas legislature, and while there's genuinely some terrible legislation that gets passed, the Texas Legislature is where bills go to die, and this will definitely be one that dies. This bill will never get out of committee, and this headline is a lie.
- It's not a lie, though? The six dildos thing is absolutely a real law, and someone has introduced a bill to ban sex toys in drug stores which would probably include Walmart.
  It's perhaps somewhat misleading, since this apparently has no chance of passing, but it isn't a lie.