he's nice but has a weird habit of thanking you for coming

"I was in the war, you know. Gunner in the air force. I shot down 27 enemy planes, but do they call me 'Richard Gunner'? No...

"After the war I went into construction. Give some wood and nails, and I'll build you the nicest of houses! But do they call me 'Richard Carpenter'? No...

"Then I went into politics. Spent my time speaking truth to power, ruffled some feathers, and was well-liked, but do they call me 'Honest Richard? No...

"But sick one little cock, and..."

Poor little bastards going to school with their mum’s second name, like Derek Camwhore and Abigail Onlyfans

I mean, "Excel" sounds like a cool last name, but it would be depressing AF if I had it as my own.

I'm Sam Softwaretester. Please put me out of my misery.

You should read “Jennifer Government “

They take their last names from where they work. Hack Nike, Bill NRA etc

Ted Talker at lunch: "Now, what if I told you... that right now as we speak... I would like the Filet O' Fish..."

There would also be people with the last name masturbator

Which is a perfect reason for this to happen!