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Stage 5: I both know that I'm a girl and am consistently too depressed to do anything about it. Hrt is hard to get where I am and tbh I don't have the energy to fight back against the world as they crush my spirit every day.
Affirming my gender is necessary for me to have the energy to get out of bed. I was literally nonfunctional before I came out. Starting and staying on e has been the driving force in my life for the past year. Why fight for myself if I hate who I am?
At the moment I'm not allowed to be even slightly feminine, as for why I fight tbh I feel like I've given up.
The only advice I can give is to look for support in your country. They'll know what can and can't be done. If you ever get the point of not being able to carry on, transition should be your only priority. At that point, you'd have nothing to lose.